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Because every wife is different, the answer to this question will vary depending upon your own wife.  Regardless the kind of wife you have, balance is the key with any pastor’s wife.  Balance to protect them from that which would be unhelpful to their soul.  Balance to include them in that which would help us discern a particular situation they may have a keen insight on.  For example, It is not helpful for my wife, or any wife for that matter, to know the men who struggle with pornography in our church, but she may be a valuable asset in caring for a woman who is battling depression.

Pastors, we must lead our wives well to capture a fruitful balance.  Stray too far to one side, and we are keeping our heart from our wives and cutting her out of our inner circle; stray too far to the other side, and she can feel trapped about situations in which she has no voice or recourse.  The most important reality to remember in finding this balance is that she is your wife, not your fellow pastor.  Include her for her benefit and the benefit of others, but she is not called, nor required to carry the same burdens we are.

Love your wife by knowing your wife.  The Lord will give you discernment on those many, unique, and challenging situations that all pastors are faced with on a regular basis.

Brian Croft (website: PracticalShepherding.com)

Brian Croft is Senior Pastor of Auburndale Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky. He is the husband of Cara and adoring father of four children—son Samuel and daughters Abby, Isabelle, and Claire. He has served in pastoral ministry for 15 years and is currently in his eighth year as Pastor of Auburndale Baptist Church. He was educated at both Belmont University and Indiana University, receiving his B.A. in Sociology. He also undertook some graduate work at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.

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Dr Robert Ballard avatar

Dr Robert Ballard

commented on Dec 3, 2017

When I hear the term "confidentuality" I think about the person who has confided in me. Do they want me to tell anyone what they shared? I think not unless they tell me otherwise. I faced more than one situation as a pastor when someone told me somthing. Then a few days later spoke with my wife to see if she knew anything about it. Because my wife was not told, the person then came to me and shared a deeper issue. The first time was a test to see if I could keep my mouth shut. Of course the real test comes when I know of someone's problem and months later my wife hears about it and tells me. I always would act surprised. I never want her to know about something I might know and she did not.

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