Sermon Central
Today, the world attacks marriage from all angles. Statistics show that at best our culture is relationally fractured, but more accurately we are relationally bankrupt. Since marriage is at the core of our society, the state of marriage indicates the health of our communities. And some might even say that community health indicates the health of its churches.
What does this relational collapse mean to the Church? How do those in ministry connect with the cultural touch-point of marriage?
We hear about many different attempts to shore up marriages and families, but the Church really has the most potent leverage on the topic. Scriptural truth anchors and motivates people in God’s perfect design for relationships, ideally played out in the context of marriage. Pastors confirm and illustrate these principles from the pulpit. When church leaders support healthy marriages, they generate strong families; these in turn build vibrant churches that significantly impact their community and even their world. Clearly, strengthening the marriage institution is a powerful method to change the world for His Kingdom.
The pulpit, and the leader speaking from it, is one of the most powerful impact points in our culture. In the following paragraphs we will investigate a pastor’s opportunity and responsibility to champion married couples and those investigating marriage for their future.
Our culture gives us key indicators about the marital health of our churches and communities. A recent USA Today article showed that only 20 percent of all Americans over age 18 have someone in whom they can confide. This reveals that most people, including married couples, are very lonely and crave authentic relationships in their daily lives.
In 1940 there were an estimated 264,000 divorces, and in 2006 the number had risen to 1,200,000 with divorce in the U.S. peaking in the mid to late 1980s. In 2006, the Census Bureau showed that an estimated 1,000,000 children are impacted by divorce on an annual basis.
Cohabitation has always been common, even in the church, but since 1960 it has risen 1,000 percent. In 1960, an estimated 500,000 couples lived together outside of marriage; in 2000, the Census Bureau counted 5,000,000. What’s more, research shows that cohabitation before marriage greatly increases the likelihood of divorce.
Finally, estimated divorce rates in our current culture are as follows:
- 42% for first-time marriages
- 60% for second marriages (if both spouses have children, the divorce can even be higher)
- 75% for third marriages
Ninety percent of Americans over age 18 will marry at least once in their lifetime, and 75 percent of those that divorce will remarry. You as a pastor are in an excellent position to influence the marriages and future marriages in your church and community. And though we all don't always agree on the issue of divorce and remarriage, assisting every husband and wife in building a healthy marriage benefits everyone. The Church must take responsibility to support and bring hope to ALL of these couples and to the children left in the wake of broken marriages.
As you prepare to speak to your church on marriage and relationships, consider some key points:
#1. The Message You Preach With Your Spouse (That's Not From the Pulpit).
Do you and your spouse intentionally serve together in any capacity in your church or community? Do people view you and your spouse as still in love after years of marriage? How do your spouse and children view your marriage? What kind of model for marriage do you present to your staff, lay leaders, congregation and community?
The answers to these questions will indicate the way your message on marriage and relationships will be received by your congregation. Accurate or not, whether you like it or not, your congregation views your marriage as a laboratory where relationship techniques are litmus-tested. Something that seems trivial, such as holding hands with your spouse at church, can directly affect your credibility with your audience, the same way smoking cigarettes affects the credibility of a physician with his patients.
#2. The Picture of the Relationships in Your Church.
How many first-time marriages does your church have? How many couples are remarried? How many are cohabiting? How many are single, divorced or widowed? How many are likely to marry or remarry in the future?
Understanding the relationship makeup of your congregation each week will critically influence your preparation and presentation on marriage and related topics. Scripture itself will not change, but the demographics of your audience may suggest an adjustment in the way you approach them with it. For example, your congregation may have a heavy population of divorced people, so you may wish to emphasize divorce recovery in your message. If a large number of newly marrieds attend your church, you may need to discuss oneness issues or conflict resolution methods. Perhaps your survey will indicate a need to address intimacy issues; if so, do not shy away from the word “sex” in your message. The world addresses it directly from its pulpit, so you should address it directly from yours!
#3. How Your Community Sees the Couples from Your Church.
How are the married members of your church viewed in the community? How do local businesses treat men vs. women in the workplace? Are the married people in your congregation respected for their values? Do spouses typically affirm one another in front of their peers?
These questions speak to the relevancy and credibility of the message to potential visitors. In the same way your personal behavior affects your credibility, the behavior of your church’s married members in their secular peer groups affects the way the world will see any message you give on marriage.
#4. What Social or Age Groups Exist in Your Church, and How They Could Benefit From a Discussion of Marriage.
Although the topic of your message is marriage, you obviously will speak to more than just married couples. Your sermon reaches the eager ears of individuals at all stages of life: women and men, singles and widows, college students, teens, and children. Reaching them all presents a considerable challenge, but one that should be willingly embraced. As you look for common ground between these groups, focus on the relationship with which every individual must contend: their own relationship with the Creator God of this Universe. Once they understand His unconditional love for them, they can begin the journey of understanding how they must love others, including their spouse or future spouse.
When speaking with young people, address how our current culture defines a “healthy” relationship. Encourage them to talk about what relationships are “really” like in their world from their perspective. How do their peers (and their peers’ parents) model their relationships and marriage? How are they similar or different from the ideals the Bible teaches? Can they name couples in their lives that model Biblical marriage? If they cannot, suggest some couples in your church that model Christian marriage and explain why their model works.
Also, consider using multimedia as an illustration of the principles you cover. Studies show our media-based culture readily responds to movies, music and other visual presentation forms. Draw Scriptural parallels in popular films and music, or use them to illustrate how our culture communicates its relationship poverty and desperation.
#5. How to Best Assist Couples in Immediate Need.
When you implement a marriage series or focus, individual couples will likely ask specific, sometimes urgent questions relating to their personal situation. This is normal a response and positive reaction to your sermon. These couples mainly need some directional assistance, and they trust you to provide it. Reflecting on some key questions often results in powerful answers; it will be vital to success, however, that the couple addresses them together.
- When was the last time you had a date night with your spouse? Do you habitually affirm your spouse in public?
- When was the last time you prayed together as a couple, other than before a meal?
- Is your spouse held with honor above all your other relationships, except your relationship with the Lord? Give an example of this.
Emphasize that couples must maintain emotional, physical and spiritual intimacy with one another. To accomplish this, the marriage must remain a trusting, safe environment where honest sharing can occur without fear. Encourage the development of these conditions within the marriage, and ask how each spouse can personally contribute to those conditions.
#6. The Biblical Foundation for Healthy Marriages and Relationships.
Unpack Genesis and the account of God’s gift of a helpmate to Adam. Develop a “relational theology” from the book of Genesis and from the rich examples throughout Scripture. Draw correlations between the marriage relationship and the Church as the “bride of Christ,” and explain the ramifications of this to couples and future couples. Close your message by asking how the message specifically applies to each hearer and their spouse or future spouse. How does it apply to issues of oneness? What impact would implementing these principles have on your life and those around you?
The truth found in Scripture and delivered by the local church is the great hope for marriage and relationships. In fact, pastors can integrate relationship and marriage applications into every sermon they preach. As the previous statistics showed, it has never been a more relevant topic for spiritual growth, and God clearly prioritizes relationships in Scripture. If you have never tried this approach, prayerfully try it and see with what fruit God will bless you and your members.
#7. An On-Going Strategy to Minister to Marriages in Your Church.
Once you know you can successfully deliver messages on marriages and relationships, prayerfully develop a continuous strategy to serve the relationship needs of your congregation and community. The need will not stop after you deliver a message on marriage; in fact, the need will probably increase as awareness increases. But when you commit to meeting people at their relational point of need, lives will change spiritually all around you.
As churches intentionally address this vital area of ministry, communities begin to look to the church for answers to life’s other important questions. Marriage and relationship-based ministries thereby generate evangelism activities and outreach opportunities, fostering church growth and significant community impact. Healthy marriages in turn produce strong families; these come together in vibrant churches that directly impact the communities they serve and the world they live in for Christ. Take one look at those in your church and community and answer this: “Are these marriages and relationships worth the challenge?” Christ thought so: He built His ministry around relationships and modeled them for us. So can you.
