Where Two Or Three Are Gathered Series

When someone sins against us, this first step is probably the hardest. In fact, it’s so difficult that it’s often skipped entirely. Because of that, I’m going to spend most of my time on this one. The other reason I want to camp on this step is because I believe most conflicts can be resolved at this level, if we will just have the courage to do some “care-fronting.”

There are at least three ways to handle conflict and sin.

• Peace-faking. A peace-faker avoids conflict at all cost and behaves like a turtle in a shell. Do you try to escape conflict by acting like everything’s OK?

• Peace-breaking. These people function more like skunks that spray everything around them when conflict hits. Do you attack when in conflict?

• Peace-making. This is probably the most difficult because it involves some work. But it is biblical. Peacemakers are willing to candidly discuss conflict and surface sins because it’s the way to peace and reconciliation.

I see four pathways to peace in our passage. I’m going to borrow Steven Cole’s helpful outline.

1. A private meeting (verse 15). The first path to peace is to ascertain if your brother or sister has actually sinned against you. Look at the first part of verse 15: “If your brother sins against you…” This is important because sometimes we label something as sin when it is actually a preference or a pet peeve or a personality trait or just a personal irritation that bugs us. In those instances, we’re called to “bear with one another in love” according to Ephesians 4:2.

Some times we are called to overlook something and not say a word…if we can. Proverbs 19:11: “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” It would be good for us to put petty things in the “grace box” and then put it in a hard-to-reach place.

While we must bear with some things, and overlook other things when we can, we are not to put up with sin. Matt Smethurst writes: “The church should be a safe place for sinners without being a safe place for sin.” And sometimes we can’t keep our anger and animosity inside the box. If your brother or sister has sinned against you, there are two important imperatives in this verse: Go and Show.

Look at the next phrase: “…go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” To “go” means, “to continue to go and pursue without being distracted.” We’re not to wait until he or she comes to us. The word “tell” refers to “being convincing.” We can’t be casual or indifferent and act like it will go away on its own. It won’t. Don’t wait for the other person to come to you or you’ll be waiting a long time.

We could say it like this: Working towards reconciliation is always my responsibility. Whether we’ve sinned against someone (see Matthew 5) or we’ve been the one sinned against (Matthew 18), it’s always our duty to go. And this first step is to be “between you and him alone.” If some bro or sis has sinned against you, he or she should be the first to know. Conflict will not be resolved accidentally, but only intentionally. I wrote down some reasons why this is so important.