When You No Longer Trust Your Spouse

WHEN YOU NO LONGER TRUST YOUR SPOUSE

"18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. 19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. 20 But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost." Matthew 1:18-20.

The word "espousal" or "betrothal" (NKJV) is a formal agreement to marry. It was a legal agreement followed by by a payment of an acceptable dowry. Therefore any breach of the agreement would be treated as adultery and could not be dissolved except by divorce. Though they were betrothed, Joseph and Mary had not yet consummated their marriage. They were bound to each other even though the wedding had not yet taken place. But a rumor is spreading fast. Some elderly women in the family are whispering about the changes in Mary. But Joseph had never been intimate with Mary, so it seemed, someone else had. What a crushing blow! So the only logical conclusion Joseph could reach was that Mary had betrayed him and committed adultery. She tried to explain what happened, but Joseph couldn't make any sense of it. There was a storm raging in Joseph’s soul. With deep hurt and disappointment, he began to fear his future. But there is more to the story! Contrary to the opinions of others, Mary was not unfaithful. Her pregnancy was due to the power of God and not because she had cheated on him. The child was conceived by the Holy Spirit. Joseph believed in God! He loved his betrothal. He was willing to sacrifice his honor, and reputation to obey God and protect the woman he loved.

"6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:6-7.

Protection is an end product of love. Love is not resentful. It is kind. Love looks for ways to make life easier for each other. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing. Love puts your needs on hold to meet the needs of your spouse. Love is selfless. It means you want the very best for your spouse. Love does not dwell on yesterday's mistakes but looks forward to the future with confidence and grace. It never stops loving. Love is not easily provoked. It is tolerant. Love is patient. It waits and never gives in to anger. Love is not judgmental. It waits for a godly outcome. Love endures. It continues in the face of rejection and opposition. Love perseveres because it is unconditional. Love forgives. It never loses hope. When conflict comes, love reaches down and holds on, it does not give up. Love hopes for the best. It trusts always. Without it, there can be no fruitful relationship.

"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Genesis 2:25.

Transparency is a must in every marriage or relationship. There’s no place for secrets. Your spouse should be the one person with whom you have absolutely nothing to hide. Transparency and honesty build trust. Trust is confident reliance on the character, ability, or strength of your spouse. It is the calm guarantee that comes from knowing your spouse can be counted on. In other words, when you trust your spouse, you feel safe and secure. Trust creates a sense of comfort, and stability. It is the cornerstone of a committed relationship. Trust unlocks intimacy. Intimacy increases closeness. Trust is faith in your spouse. It is believing he or she will always remain loyal to you. Trust allows two people to open up to one another without fear or shame. Trust encourages. When you trust your spouse you believe he or she will honor their word and commitments. Sadly and yet, unfortunately, we do break trust. Perhaps you’ve been betrayed by your spouse. Or has your partner cheated on you but you decided to try to make it work, and you can’t help but feel used and hurt? The truth is, once trust is lost, there is a loss of confidence. Once trust is violated, thoughts of separation or divorce then provide a feeling of relief. Broken trust leads to hurt, disappointment, anger, fear, despair, and confusion.

So is it possible to restore trust once it has been broken or violated? Yes, but, both parties must be willing to work through the process. Reconciliation is a two-way street. When your spouse owns up, be humble enough to forgive. But when you do not want to, because the hurt is deep, then the marriage cannot be restored. Likewise, if the offending party does not want to own up to their wrongs, then the relationship will continue to suffer.