When It Is Pitch Dark

In the darkest hour.....

Job 30:15”….. They pursue my honor as the wind, my prosperity has passed away like a cloud…”

Struggled within myself pondering whether I should talk about my experience, wrestled with my flesh; nevertheless, since I had come out of the crisis by His grace, I sure felt that I should write so that it would touch someone going through similar situation. People in the church give a ‘plastic smile and stereotype reply’ – life is wonderful by His grace. I know of a person who attended my meetings for around 15 years (yes you read it right 15 years) and whenever I call him, he would say ‘fine by His grace’, so much so, I just had to replay that answer for the next 10 years, his wife got addicted too with that same reply. I can hear someone ask me, ‘ Bala, what is wrong with that answer, ‘fine by His grace’, oh yeah, it is fine when it’s genuine but when people fake it and don’t want to tell their struggles, lest they appear people of less faith then that is hypocrisy.

We fail to understand that strong believers, genuine believers and good Christians are not exempt from sufferings too, all of us have to go through the grind and come out, someone say hallelujah! Let us understand that and not panic and feel we are the odd one out when we suffer financially, emotionally, physically and mentally too. I speak from personal experience of around two decades with God and also after pioneering three various kinds of ministries for God during this journey. God molds and chisels you like a sculptor for His divine purpose! Those who stay firm and endure the pain and agony get to see His glory and His enormity!

We were flabbergasted by the sudden financial crisis that we were in: building rents, rations and provisions for school expenses, running of our home everything came to a standstill, I mean there was NIL funds. We prayed, fasted, wept, repented did everything but the situation remained adamant, I just cannot get myself to talk about the humiliation, pain and fear that we experienced during those days. One of the building owner told us, ‘if you cannot pay the rent, move out immediately’, bills were mounting for payment of rice bags, credit card bills were getting accumulated, I received a call from the credit card guy while I was waiting to preach as a guest speaker far away from home. I wondered, ‘what’s happening?’ and I felt like Job who said, “They pursue my honor as the wind, my prosperity has passed away like a cloud…”I preached that day though. Things didn’t change immediately; however, within few months, God stirred the hearts of people and reversed our situation. We still deal with the same building owners who salute us now and speak sweet language, we got to learn the lesson and move on. Fear not, stay firm, God would bail you out! Trust Him!