When It's Hard To Forgive

Introduction – The Hardest Thing in the World

What is the most difficult thing in the world to do?

Some might say climbing Mount Everest, running an ultra-marathon, surviving cancer, or raising teenagers.

But ask almost anyone — psychologists, pastors, ordinary people — and the answer will come back the same: the hardest thing in the world is to forgive.

The Bible says God has cast our sins as far as the east is from the west, into the depths of the sea, remembered no more. And yet many of us still carry the weight of something we’ve done… or the pain of what has been done to us.

But that is not how God wants us to live. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 11:28:

> “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

So today, we’re going to talk about how to forgive when it feels impossible.

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A Life-Changing Wrong

I don’t know if you’ve ever suffered a life-changing wrong — not just someone cutting you off in traffic, not just a co-worker who forgot to say thank you — but something that shook the ground beneath your feet.

Someone ran off with your money and left you with barely enough to get by.

Someone abandoned you after you gave them your love and trust.

Maybe your reputation was shattered by lies and distortions.

That happened to me. At one point I was working for the U.S. Embassy as the Assistant General Services Officer. I wasn’t in the political side of the embassy — my job was the day-to-day operation. I oversaw the housing, the motor pool, the practical functions that kept the place running.

And then, almost overnight, it all changed. I lost my position. My family situation shifted. Suddenly, I went from managing the daily life of an embassy to selling used boats in Florida.

I was left raising three teenage boys. I picked up some bad habits. I started to drink.

There came a night I looked in the mirror and asked out loud, “David, what on earth has happened to you?”

And if it hadn’t been for my boys, and a few family and friends who encouraged me, I don’t know how I would have made it through.

I had tears and sorrows. I had questions for tomorrow. But through it all, God gave me consolation. Through it all, I learned — sometimes the hard way — to trust in Jesus.

That season left me with choices. I could grow bitter, I could blame, or I could learn forgiveness. And it’s from that valley that I share this message. When I speak of forgiveness, I don’t come with theory. I come with scars.

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Scripture – Matthew 18:23–27

In Matthew 18, Jesus tells a story. A king decided to settle accounts with his servants. One owed an impossible debt — millions. The king forgave it all. But that same servant found a man who owed him pocket change. He choked him, demanded payment, and threw him in prison.

When the king heard, he was furious: “Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?”

Here’s the truth: we are that first servant. Forgiven more than we could ever repay. And God expects that mercy to change us — to flow outward.

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Forgiveness as a Process

But let’s be honest. Forgiveness is not an event. It’s a process.

You can’t snap your fingers and say, “I forgive you,” and be done forever. You revisit the wound. You replay the conversations. One day you feel peace, the next bitterness creeps back in.

Forgiveness is a journey. And along the way, three reframes make it possible.

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1. Reframe How You See Yourself

When someone wrongs us, it never feels “minor.” But here’s the reality: the universe does not revolve around me. The unpardonable sin is not against me, but against the Holy Spirit.

When I refuse to forgive, it corrodes me. My prayers dry up. My joy shrinks. Unforgiveness ties my life to the one who hurt me.

So the first shift is this: I forgive for my own sake.

Forgiveness is self-liberation. It lifts the burden. It lets you breathe again.

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2. Reframe How You See the Other Person

Our instinct is to see ourselves as human and the other person as a monster. But somewhere along the way, we must reaffirm their humanity.

That person can think. That person can feel. That person can love.

If my enemy were the only sinner on earth, Jesus would have left heaven to die for him. That’s the radical uniqueness of Christianity. “Love your enemies.”

Forgiveness is not excusing or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s giving a gift: “I release you. You are free to live.”