The Wise Wife

There are lots of wisemen legends that have been perpetuated over the years. For example, it doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that three kings visited Jesus bearing gifts. It’s just not there!

First of all, they were “magi” or “wisemen” – perhaps astrology scholars – not kings – at least in the technical sense. And nowhere in the Bible does it say that there were three of them. That idea developed because they brought gifts of three kinds -- gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I mean, there could have been two wisemen or a thousand! The Bible just doesn’t say.

Nor does the Bible say exactly when they showed up in Bethlehem with these gifts. The Holy Family was obviously out of the barn by then because Matthew 2:11 says that “On coming to the HOUSE, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him.”

Although, nowhere in any of the gospels is a barn mentioned either – only a manger – and in first century Judah it was not uncommon to allow the animals into the house at night. So there were often mangers inside houses or certain rooms in the houses.

What seems clear is that there were not any guestrooms available so Joseph and Mary ended up some place near a feeding trough for animals and that’s where the newborn Jesus ended up – in a manger.

Anyway, that is a bit of a bunny trail because I really want to talk about the magi or wisemen tonight – and even more specifically the wife of one of the wisemen.

Now of course, that’s going to raise all kinds of red flags for some of you – people scrambling through their Bibles right now to find mention of a wise wife in the Christmas story.

Besides no one has ever seen a Christmas card with a wiseman traveling through the moonlight following yonder star – with a wife wrapping her arms around a wiseman’s waist – motorcycle mamma style.

I for one have never seen such a card and don’t really expect to – although – maybe some enlightened person – an artist – someone with true imagination will realize that it was probably so.

Think about it.

No, a wise wife is not mentioned in the Bible – at least not directly. But you know that there had to be at least one there. How else would it have been that the magi would have stopped in Jerusalem to ask for directions? Would the men have done that on their own? Maybe – just maybe one lone man might do such a thing – not likely but possibly. But if you get two or three or more guys together – it’s even less likely that they’ll stop for directions. No one wants to appear like he doesn’t know where he’s going – especially in front of other guys.

And how else would these supposedly wisemen have known what to bring as baby gifts? Men don’t go to baby showers.

We men know absolutely nothing about what kind of baby gifts are appropriate in any given situation. For all we know, women still give each other gold, frankincense, and myrrh at baby showers – although I’m certain it’s all more processed and sold in the infants department at Mervyns – and then it’s all rolled up in cutesy pink or blue wrapping paper with frilly bows – even if it’s for a boy.

So, if you’re reading between the lines – as you should be – you would know that at least one of the wisemen brought along his wife.

So here is how I think this thing may have happened – or most likely did happen – or actually I’m pretty sure it happened just this way.

Annie, had gone out to dump the garbage when she noticed the strange and amazing star in the West. “Gaspar come out here and take a look at this!” she hollered back into the house.

“Just a minute, dear! The Niners have three yards and it’s third down,” came the reply from the living room.

A few minutes later the dejected twenty-something magi emerged from the house – “They choked again...he moaned.”

He looked up to where Annie was pointing. “Wow, that’s cool,” he exclaimed. “Something special is going on over there.”

He pulled out his cell phone and sent text to his buddies Baltshar and Melchior.

“Don’t you think you guys ought to go check it out?” Annie asked him.

"Probably," said her magi husband. "But we’ll have to see if we can fit it in. Balts and Mel (who were the two single Magi) have both got dates tomorrow night. And remember, we’re going up to my parent’s cabin this weekend – a little fishin and little – la la la"