"The Subtle Sin Of Codependency"

My personal definition of co-dependency for your consideration:

When a person focuses on someone besides God, in an attempt to become the god of a person who is in distress, until the person they are trying to help, ultimately becomes their god.

Our Church has begun a “Celebration Recovery” ministry on Saturday night’s at 6 PM. Rick Warren and Jon Baker like to use acrostics when they preach. He spells out the word R E C O V E R Y. His first step begins therefore, with the letter R

R. First Step:

Realize that I am not God.

I admit that I am powerless in my life to do the wrong thing, and that my life has become unmanageable.

We become “Co-dependent” when we think that we have become “Co-God.”

In Genesis 3, Satan approaches Eve with this temptation, “If you eat of this fruit, you will become wise, and you will be likened unto a god knowing both good and evil.

We might assume that Eve wanted to know evil, however, I personally do not think that was her primary motive. Again, it is my opinion that Eve wanted to become “God” so that she could be good, not necessarily so that she could be evil!

That is a subtle thought. It is true that in order for us to be good, we have to become godly. But it is not true, that when we become good, we become god. There is a huge difference.

A person becomes codependent when he or she sees themselves as coming to the rescue for a person to whom they see in distress. In a subtle way, we desire to become “God” for the good. And that doesn’t sound bad, does it?

But, we are not the SAVIOR… He is!

Likened unto the style of Pastor Rick Warren, I too, am going to give you an acrostic message that could possibly help you to overcome “the subtle sin of codependency.” This is a message that I personally needed, and God brought it home to my heart. I trust it will help you as well.

The word that I have chosen for this message is the word “SAVIOR.” The 1st letter is the letter S.

S-triving to that which is beyond our ability to do.

A codependent person sees himself in the image of “superman.” He sees himself coming to the rescue of all those who are in distress. The problem is, no one person can achieve that goal!

We are limited. We have limited abilities. We have limited resources. We cannot always succeed in helping someone who may have chosen to live in habitual sin, try as though we might.

I am the Pastor of my Church, not the god of my Church. I am husband of my wife, not the god of my wife. I am father of my children, not the god of my children. There is a huge distinction!

Note Abraham’s proper view of himself:

(Gen 18:27) And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes:

A-ctions that put us in debt and compromise our testimony.

If a person sees themselves as God coming to rescue, they think that they must succeed at all cost. If we are not careful, we just might possibly put ourselves into some very compromising situations.

As a Pastor, when I see a damsel in distress, it would be far better for me to allow her husband come her rescue, rather than myself. If she has no husband, perhaps it would be better for me to organize the ladies of the church to take on this ministry to their fellow sister in need, rather than it would for me to put on the robe of superman with a giant “S” on my chest, with a cape and gown!

Kindhearted grandmothers have a tendency to fall into this subtle sin of co-dependency. A wayward grandchild, might see their grandmother as an “easy touch” for some financial help.

Grandmother wants to help, so what does she do? She goes out and gets a bank loan to bail struggling her grandchild out of trouble. Credit cards can be a cruel solution. If grandmother falls into this sin, she will have taught her grandchild that he doesn’t need to pray to God for wisdom and help, but rather to look unto “Grandmother” when they have a need!

Please note, that I am not saying that if God leads you to help out someone in need, and it is within your means to do so, and God should be leading... praise the Lord, help!

But you will have to learn how to say “no” to the temptation of playing “God,” if it means that by helping them, you would have to rob God of tithes and offerings, or become largely in debt by borrowing from the usury of steeply priced credit cards!