The Light Of The World

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one but it will take a million years.

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many ‘Real Men’ does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: ‘Real Men’ aren’t afraid of the dark.

Q: How many ‘Real Women’ does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: A ‘Real Woman’ would have plenty of real men around to do it.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many Smogarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

Q: How many strong Smogarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 115. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it!

Q: How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Five: One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins.

Q: How many Harvard grads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

A: This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week.

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Q: How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: “Oh wow, is it like dark, man?’‘

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We don’t know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: “Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?’‘

Q. How many Floridians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. Don’t know for sure, they’re still counting.

12 ¶ Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

1. The Claim of Light, “I am the light of the world” (also John 1:4, 9)

2. The Contrast of Light, “shall not walk in darkness”

3. The Conditions of Light, “he that followeth me”

4. The Consequences of the Light, “shall have the light of life”

Illustration :

A child heard that Christians were saints. On one occasion she was taken to a cathedral. She sat watching the sunshine through the windows. She asked her mother, “What are these people on the window? They are saints,” was the answer. Then the child said, “Now I know what saints are. They are people who let the light shine through.

John 8:20 These words spake Jesus in the treasury, as he taught in the temple: and no man laid hands on him; for his hour was not yet come.

Only Jews were allowed in the Treasury, and both sexes were permitted to walk through this court. Placed around this courtyard were thirteen trumpet-shaped containers, small at the top and flanged at the bottom. Each of these receptacles had a label for a specific kind of offering. On the upper portion of the walls surrounding the Treasury, galleries had been built to accommodate the large crowds that sometimes gathered. During the feast of tabernacles, these galleries proved quite useful. One particular ritual of the feast was celebrated in this court with a “standing-room-only” crowd looking on. Four huge candelabras graced this court. On the first night of the feast of tabernacles, these were lit. Reports from the first century tell us that these lights could be seen throughout Jerusalem. This act commemorated the pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. In effect, the Jews were saying, “God is our Light. God is our Guide.” Following this lighting, the people would dance and sing all through the week. But on the last day of the feast, the priests would extinguish the lights. The reason for this was that God had not yet sent the “Deliverer,” the “Messiah.”