The Language Of Love

The Language of Love

John 19:19-22, Luke 23:42, Luke 23;38, 42, Mat 13:11

February 11, 2003

I. When I got married I had to learn a new language. Actually I had

to learn several new languages, but I think the most important one was

the language that had no language.

A. I had to learn to read the signs. Now I would think that I

would not have had any problem with that, after all I am a hunter, and

one of the first things that you have to learn as a hunter is to read

sign.

B. You have to learn to find where the deer travel and what there

habits are and I had learned all that a long time ago, but that didn’t

help with this new sign reading that was having to learn.

C. Guys let me tell you that learning to the non verbal

communication of your wife is a thing that will help you in ways that

you never imagined. I am sorry to say that I still have a long way to

go myself.

D. Let face it for men it is a challenge to learn the verbal

communication of women, if you don’t believe me let me give you some

examples.

E. The Women’s Dictionary

1. "Fine" This is the word women use at the end of any

argument when they feel they are right but can’t stand to hear you argue

any longer. It means that you should Be quiet. (NEVER use "fine" to

describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those

arguments.)

2. "Five minutes" This is half an hour. It is equivalent to

the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you

take out the trash, so women feel that it’s an even trade.

3. "Nothing" Nothing" means something and you should be on

your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has

of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"

usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with

the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) THIS IS NOT AN

INDICATION OF PERMISSION OR AGREEMENT; it’s a dare! If you mistake ! it

for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over

"Nothing" and you’ll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with

the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) THIS IS NOT AN INDICATION OF

PERMISSION OR AGREEMENT, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you

want because I don’t care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in

just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk

to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh" This is not actually a word, but is still

often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud

Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is

wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh" Again, not a word, but a verbal statement.

"Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually

understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not

move ! or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer

Maybe even FIVE MINUTES.

8. "Oh" This word -- followed by any statement - is trouble.

Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you

were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not

walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when

she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her

to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence

usually signifies that you are caught, and in trouble. Do not try to lie

to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrow. "Go ahead,"

sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to

speak about them.

9. "That’s Okay" This is one of the most dangerous statements

that a woman can say to a man. "That’s Okay" means that she wants to

think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for

whatever you have done. "That’s Okay" is often used with the word "Fine"

and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had

time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do" This is not a statement, it is an offer. The

woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you