The Joyful Jesus

“JESUS, MAN OF JOY!”

September 1, 2002

ROCK POINT CHURCH

PRIMARY SCRIPTURE TEXTS

John 15:11

“These things have I spoken to you that MY JOY may remain in you, and that YOUR JOY may be full!”

PSALM 100!

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH

1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front row!2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time! 3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf!4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists!5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class!6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do!7. I love it when we sing worship songs I’ve never heard before! 8. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Caribbean! 10. SINCE WE’RE ALL HERE, LET’S START THE SERVICE EARLY!

WE’VE HAD SOME BLUNDERS IN OUR BULLETIN AND ON THE POWERPOINT BUT NONE LIKE THESE BULLETIN BLOOPERS

Don’t let worry kill you--let the church help.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick OF our church and community.

Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies GIVING milk will please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and LAY an egg on the altar.

Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and MEDICATION to follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

"Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands". Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and GUNS.Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Bill’s sermons. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their GIRDLES for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE BULLETIN BLOOPER:Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

A CHRISTIAN BEAR

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn’t move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I’m so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish . . . please make a Christian out of that bear that’s coming at me. Please, Lord!" That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher’s feet. "Dear God, please bless this food that I am about to receive!"

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE…THE THREE ELDERLY SISTERS

Three elderly sisters were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “SISTERS, sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”

The second sister chimed in, “Yes, SISTERS, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood.” “IS THAT THE FRONT DOOR OR THE BACK DOOR?”

IT’S GOOD TO LAUGH, ISN’T IT!?!

Proverbs 17:22….MY LIFE VERSE!

“A CHEERFUL HEART is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones!”

LAUGHTER

Sometimes we respond to life in a very peculiar way.

When we LAUGH, our body performs "rhythmic, vocalized, expiratory, and involuntary actions." Fifteen facial muscles contract and there is electrical stimulation of the zygomatic major muscle in particular. Currents of varying intensity, produce a wide range of facial responses. The respiratory system is upset by the epiglottis half-closing, so that air intake occurs in irregular gasps, rather than calm breaths. Under extreme circumstances, the tear ducts are activated, so that while the mouth is opening and closing and there is a struggle for a sufficient amount of oxygen intake, the face becomes moist and often red. Noises often accompany this odd behavior "ranging from controlled snickers, escaped chortles, and spontaneous giggles, to ridiculous cackles, noisy hoots, and up-roarious guffaws."