The Heart Reader Series

5. Think about the future. What would happen if you took that step? Who would be hurt? How would you pick your life up again?

6. Do not reveal to someone of the opposite sex the following information:

a. That your marriage is in trouble

b. Negative stuff about your spouse (consider not revealing this stuff to those of the same sex either)

c. That you think they are physically attractive

7. Do your very best not to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, especially for extended time. Had those folks in the video we saw simply had someone else around, none of this would ever have happened. Which leads to my last suggestion:

8. Like the man in the video, build openness and accountability into your marriage. That guy is gonna go home and tell his wife what happened. He is the one who was seduced, but in all truth, he opened some doors for her that didn’t have to be opened. He told her he found her attractive. He allowed the conversation to go where it went. The easiest thing in the world for him to do would be to keep this a secret so as not to have to own up to his responsibility. Ladies, you know the facts here. Though we were all delighted that he didn’t actually go all the way with this woman, he’s not exactly going to get points from his wife for that is he? She’ll be upset that he allowed some of those doors to open, and he’ll have to bear that responsibility. But ultimately she’ll also come to trust him more because he came home and told her, which assures her that his heart is in the right place and he will continue to keep his vows to her.

John 3:20-21 (MSG)

20 Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure.

21 But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is."

Accountability to your spouse sheds light, helps to make sure you’re not living in denial and illusion. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear. That’s why you must remain accountable to your spouse. If you do or say something ignorant and open a door for someone to move in on you, coming clean to your spouse will have consequences, but not coming clean will ultimately have far greater ones. That same ignorance and naivety may get you again later, only next time you might not escape with your vows intact.

Now I want to speak briefly to those spouses who are on the receiving end of one of these revelations. If your spouse tells you someone at work is after them, or they got themselves into a tight spot at the office party, this will be hard to hear. It’s very important that you do your best to not make your spouse regret telling you. Ladies if, for example, your husband tells you that a woman at work tried to seduce him, seek the reassurance you need. But realize he’s probably telling you because he DOES love you, and he’s NOT interested in an affair. I mean, it seems to me the very best way for a man to keep an affair from happening is to tell his wife, and he knows that! If you allow fear and insecurity to run away with you, and begin to nag him and pester him and call his office 40 times a day, he’ll be much less likely to feel comfortable being accountable to you any longer, and then you’re both in great danger and so is your marriage. It’s not easy to go to a spouse with this kind of information, and it is definitely not easy to be the spouse who receives it.