The Christmas Story From One Ancient Guy

Would you give some time to an old man? I have seen lots of things in my life but what I am about to share, if I did not experience it myself, I am not sure if I’d believe it myself. But let me share about my background first.

My life revolves around my work and let me tell ya, it can be quite exhausting. It’s tiring when you have to stay up late, especially when my partners call in sick. You see, my job demands 24-7 surveillance, so that nothing is missed. My boss would be severely ticked off, if I’d miss anything. Furthermore, because of our round the clock work, we’ve got almost no time for church. So we don’t mix around with the “good” church going folk. Vacations and weekends off are a real luxury in my line of work.

In fact, folks tend to label my profession as one that is low in status or even somewhat offensive. Maybe it’s because we tend to smell pretty foul when we come in from work. How can you blame us for not smelling good, if the job requires us to be outdoors all the time? There are no shower facilities or bathrooms where we work. We do everything outdoors and I mean everything! Disgusting, eh?

So I guess, we deserve that reputation totally. We tend to be a little rough on the edges, unshaven, with bad hair days, use salty language liberally, drink cheap brew just to stay warm on chilly nights, carry some sturdy home-made weapons on the job rather than the cheap dollar store stuff. Did I mention that we don’t smell like cologne? I confess we can look and smell pretty intimidating. Yup, fathers tend to lock their daughters away at the sight of seeing us coming to town.

But the event that’s been burned into my memory, happened during the days when everyone in my enemy occupied country was forced to go their hometowns to register. My guess, is that it is just tax-grabbing move to make us poorer and to build up the coffers of my country’s conquerors and their cronies.

It was a massive movement of people. I really hated being taxed so heavily.

But at least, as I recall, that day, the day that’ll I remember for the rest of my life, the weather was pretty nice. It was spring time. The grass smelled sweet and it was great to lie on and you can see animals chomping on it as if it were their last meal on earth. Life couldn’t be better...

Then suddenly out of nowhere... there were flashes of light... it shone all around us. We were scared... I am embarrassed to admit, I think my partners and I got a little wet in our pants. Hey, how would you feel, if some alien UFO thing just shows up when you are out for a walk in Stanley Park?

So we thought, this is it man! We bought the farm, we are toast! We’ll be fried! Vaporized by aliens! This sure wasn’t the way I thought I would leave the earth. And I can just see tomorrow headlines “Search for missing people called off” as they find our ashes right where I was standing. I can also see at the corner of my eye, my pal, Ismail, was scratching on a piece of papyrus. He was writing his will.

So we were there, shaking in our local-made sandals (oh yeah, we were suspicious of those knock-offs made in China, heard that it was painted with lead paint... but I digress). Feeling a little uncomfortably wet. Out of the flashing light, a supernatural being just materialize from thin air.

This being started to speak to my pals and I. We were flabbergasted at his message. He told us chill out. Well, that sort of calm our fears down a notch. Then he went on to say, “I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

My pals and I, we look at each other, and wiped away the cold sweat, and breathed a sigh of relief. Good news of great joy for all the people! Good news of great joy for all the people! Good news of great joy for all the people! A Savior has been born! (3x) Yes!!! He is Christ the Lord!! That piece of good news rang like a doorbell rung by an impatient Jehovah Witness inside my heart. I can feel my heart soaring like a hot air balloon. Then I heard a ripping noise coming from my left shoulder. It was just Ismail, he was just tearing up the papyrus will he was scribbling on.