The Cause And Cure Of Divorce

Jo Fleming in her book His Affair reveals that almost every sinful emotion and action

known to man is kindled by lust that is not controlled. Her husband of 26 years went to

the apartment of a woman he worked with to return some books. This was an action he

could have avoided, but he chose not to. They had an affair, and sometime later she

discovered it, and was devastated. She writes of that day she learned of his

unfaithfulness. "Nothing will ever be the same again. Inside my head I am screaming,

screaming, screaming. Dear God let me die....give me oblivion. Please! Please! I can't

stand the pain, I can't live, I want to die, now, this minute."

The book is a diary of her journey through the hell of grief and back. It is a story of

the human heart, and its capability of all the evil's Jesus deals with in the Sermon On The

Mount, and especially this context of chapter 5. She experienced anger, hatred, thoughts

of murder and suicide, revenge, adultery and divorce. Forbidden sex is so glamorized in

our culture that people are blind to the terrible consequences, and the tremendous cost

involved. Her husband had to go through the pits of guilt as she went through the pits of

grief. Both suffered months of depression. But finally healing began to take place, and

they were able to talk about the cause of the affair. They discovered true intimacy as

they shared their self-fears and doubts, and talked to each other as never before about

their marriage.

There was much weeping, but she stopped praying for a fatal disease to remove her

from the battle. They made it without a divorce, but many do not. In fact, the number

one cause of divorce all through history has been lust. When I think of the people I have

counseled with about divorce, the common factor in all of them is lust for another

partner, and my reading confirms my experience. This is not the only cause for divorce,

but it is the primary cause. It is no accident that Jesus deals with divorce immediately

after the subject of lust. They go together like love and marriage, the destructive

duo-lust and divorce, and the constructive duo-love and marriage. Which duo becomes

the determining factor in your life largely depends on what you do with your sexual

energy.

If someone tells you there is a fire in your house, you do not know if this is good or bad

news until you know where the fire is. If its in the furnace, the stove, or the fireplace,

that is good and comforting news. If it is on the roof, the floor, or the walls, that is bad

news. Fire in the right place provides the pleasure of warmth, but in the wrong place it

destroys and brings pain. The sex drive is just like fire. Fire is not evil, but it is a power

that has potential for good or evil. It can save life or destroy life. Such also is the fire of sex.

There is so much love and warmth in the world because of sex, but there is also so

much sorrow and heartache because of it. Sex controlled by love is one of life's greatest

blessings. Sex controlled by lust is one of life's greatest burdens.

Jesus, as the Creator of sex knows this better than anyone, and that is why the love

versus lust issue is so vital to His whole teaching on divorce. The Old Testament law

allowed too much freedom to relate to women on the level of lust. The law gave men a

feeling that they were doing okay in their relationship to their wives if they treated them

legally. That is, if they divorced them, they gave them a certificate of divorce. This was a

great blessing to a divorced woman, for it gave her the freedom to go and remarry, and

not be labeled as an adulteress. Without that certificate the law demanded, she would

become an outcast, and if not stoned, she likely would be forced to become a prostitute

for survival.

This was a step up from the level where women were just sent packing when their

husbands were tired of them. Treating a wife legally was a higher level of righteousness

than giving her no rights at all. However, it was still far short from the ideal of treating

her lovingly. Jesus is calling men to a higher level of relating to their wives. It is a level

beyond the legal level to the level of love. That is what this passage on divorce is all

about, for you will observe that in these two verses Jesus condemns two men. The man

who divorces his wife for any cause other than being unfaithful, and the man who marries