The Burden And Blessing Of Forgiving Others

For, coming back to this letter, Paul knows he’s asking a lot. He’s asking Philemon to forgive a crime that deserved heavy punishment: Onesimus stealing something, and then running away from his master. These are heavy things to forgive. But maybe Philemon could go one better. Not just take Onesimus back, and pardon him, but begin to treat his slave with a new kindness—maybe even release him? Paul hints at this, “I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask” (v 21).

Yet Paul won’t force it. He knows that all Christian love must be free. God loves a cheerful giver, not one who gives reluctantly, or for wrong motives. So he writes about how he would’ve like to keep him around, but decided against it, “I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favour you do will be spontaneous and not forced” (v 14).

That too, is a lesson for our own conduct in the church. That we shouldn’t dictate how others should act, compel them to make amends or to give more of themselves. We shouldn’t do this as office bearers, nor as fellow church members. Maybe you’re talking to a friend in the church, whom you feel should make a change in his life. You can suggest a course of action, and you can point to the reason to do so, and you can hope that they see it. You might say, “This would be fitting for you to do. I think this would be the right way to act, if you want to follow Christ. I can’t force you, but I will say it. And I’ll pray that you have the strength to do so.”

That’s part of the blessing of the bond we have. We may speak to one another openly. We can encourage the one who needs help. We can admonish the one living in sin. We can challenge the one who needs to be challenged. We don’t do this to hurt one another, or to make them uncomfortable. As Paul wrote to Philemon, “I appeal to you on the basis of love.” That’s the key to our conduct in the church.

With this letter, Paul’s asking a lot from Onesimus as well. It’s likely that Onesimus feared for his life, on his return to Colosse. He’d broken Roman law, and he’d defrauded his master. Everyone knew how rebellious slaves could be treated. Paul’s sending him back to what could be a very difficult situation. For Onesimus to return would be an act of faith: before God, he knew it was the right thing to do, so he had to trust that God would bless it, whatever the outcome. And this is often the way of obedience: when we know what is right, when we see how it might cost us, and we do it anyway, with God’s strength, and for God’s honour.

The thing about Onesimus is that he was ready to serve. He’d helped Paul, and now Paul hoped he’d be a blessing to Philemon. Instead of being a slave who grudgingly gave service, now he’d be ready to serve wholeheartedly. This is what Paul counseled Christian slaves in Colossians 3:22, “Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.”