The Biggest Problem After Marriage Is - Communication

I’m not of course condoning spousal abuse or neglect. But in most cases our mates will respond to self giving with awe and life change. And even if they don’t, God will. In most cases if we guard our hearts, if we preemptively withhold our affection until we get some, and ask what have you done for me lately – we will find ourselves protected but alone and miserable. We will find our lives and lose them at the same time.

So with this idea of self-sacrificing love as the foundation for good communication, lets turn to reasons for miscommunication.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT

This was laid out for me in a very simple way by a book some marriage small groups have used here at AC3. The title of the book says it all:

- Men are like waffles, Women are like Spaghetti

What “waffle thinking” means is that men tend to be compartmental thinkers, like a waffle has different boxes. Men think in boxes. They have rigid walls between different emotions and different responsibilities in their lives. And when they’re in one box, it’s tough for them to change gears and get into a different box.

How many women have been wanting to say something to your man as he’s watching TV. How’s that working for you? See, he’s in the TV box. If you’re lucky and he’s actually looking at your face as you’re talking, don’t let that fool you. He’s not listening. The lights are on but nobody’s home. Don’t expect that anything you say in this moment will be remembered. Why not?

It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s not that he doesn’t want to be helpful, or listen it’s just that right now, he’s trapped in the TV box! He can’t get out!

Now, compare this to a woman. My wife is watching TV and I could read her a shopping list, what the kids want for supper, the plan for Friday night AND 5 stanzas of Shakespeare and she’d have it all in her mental rolodex without batting an eyelash.

That’s because women are like Spaghetti. With a plateful of Spaghetti, every strand of spaghetti touches all the others. So everything in a woman’s life touches. She’s constantly processing everything about her life. I’m not an expert in women, I got insight from a book, for MEN ONLY, Jeff and Shaunti Felltham – based on a survey of 500 women. They point out that men and women THINK they know each other in areas of communication habits.

But what they found out is that men and women only have a very superficial understanding.

- For example, every man knows that women are emotional.

- Another example, every woman knows that men are insecure, unromantic clods

If that’s all you think, you’re going to not only be unsuccessful in communicating, you’re going to think there’s nothing to be done. The situation is hopeless. Your man or your woman will be like a black box to you with no way out, you just throw up your hands. But if we invite God’s self sacrificing love into our relationships, we’ll press through superficial understandings to get through and communicate LOVE.

WOMEN: WINDOWS OPEN

Well, the key to de-swamping women is to realize that women are not just emotional: