The Absurdity Of Christmas

The Absurdity of Christmas

Imagine that you are standing out in your driveway marvelling at the fact that it’s the first weekend in December and you haven’t had to shovel yet. In your imagination you do not live in Cape Breton or New York, suddenly an UFO lands in the middle of your front lawn and the door slowly opens and an alien comes down the staircase and comes over and greets you. As you chat about the state of the universe the alien questions you about all the coloured lights that he saw as his ship was landing. You tell him those are Christmas lights and then he wants to know what Christmas is all about. So you begin by telling him that culturally in Canada we believe that Christmas revolves around the visit of a fat man in a red suit. That this man “Santa Claus” lives at the North Pole, which happens to be one of the most inhospitable spots in the world. That at the North Pole Santa has an operation that involves a veritable army of elves who spend the year fashioning toys for children. On Christmas Eve Santa loads enough toys for all the children in the world unto a magic sleigh which is pulled by a team of flying reindeer, the lead of which has a red nose that glows like a flashlight.

Upon command the reindeer take off towing the sleigh into the air and Santa Claus circles the globe landing on the roofs of children’s homes. Once he lands on these roofs he proceeds to slide down the chimney where he places toys underneath a decorated tree, consumes a glass a milk and cookie and returns up the chimney to his sleigh and resumes his trip around the world until toys have been delivered to all the good little boys and girls. Before you can tell him about the 8 white kangaroos that pull the sleigh for the trip over Australia you notice that your new friend is displaying a look of consternation. And he says “Hey give me a break, do you think I just fell off the turnip rocket? What is Christmas really about?”

So you start again: Ok, the true story of Christmas starts 2000 years ago when an angel visited a young virgin in Israel which is a country on the other side of the world. The Angel tells this young girl named, Mary, that she will become pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Another angel appears to Mary’s fiancé a man named Joseph and assures him that Mary has not been unfaithful despite evidence to the contrary. That Angel confirms Mary’s story as to who the father will be, God.

Before the Baby is born Mary and Joseph are required by a governmental order to return to the town of Josephs ancestors, thereby fulfilling a prophecy that had been made a thousand years prior. Once they arrive in the town of Bethlehem, Joseph and his extremely pregnant wife are unable to find accommodations and so they end up spending the night in a stable full of animals. During the night Mary goes into labour and has the child in the stable where he is laid in a manger to sleep.

You notice your new friend’s eyes getter larger and so you rush to finish the story. You tell him how a host of angels, that would be a lot of angels, appear to shepherds who are tending their sheep in nearby field and tell them the son of God has been born in a stable. After receiving directions the shepherds rush off to worship this child.

Meanwhile a number of wise men from a far off land arrive on the scene bearing three gifts for the newborn child. The wise men tell the family that they have been following a star for months and that it finally came to a rest over the town of Bethlehem. However on their way to Bethlehem the wise men had encountered the local governor and informed him of their mission, how they were seeking one who would become the king of the Jews. In a fit of jealousy the Governor ordered all the children in the village under the age of two murdered. Mary and Joseph however were able to escape after being warned of the governor’s plans by yet another an angel.

At that point the Alien interrupts you and says “You know you don’t have to be rude, if you don’t want to tell me about Christmas that’s fine, but stop making up these absurd stories. To be truthful the one about the fat guy in the red suit with the flying reindeer was a lot more believable then the story about the virgin having a baby in a stable.” He then stalks away climbs back into his spaceship and flies away, leaving you wondering about his statement.