Talking To Yourself

“Jesus said, ‘There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, “Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.” And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.

“‘But when he came to himself, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.’” And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his servants, “Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.” And they began to celebrate.

“‘Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, “Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.” But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!” And he said to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.”’” [1]

“How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.’” This is the conversation that one wayward boy had with himself. He didn’t have this conversation until he came to himself; and he didn’t come to himself until he was sitting in a pigpen wishing he could eat some of the food that he fed to the swine. Until he was reduced to a state of utter desperation, this boy was self-satisfied, secure, and smug. He had never realised how he had traded his wealth for poverty, until he was reduced to absolute want.

Raised in relative luxury, the boy had never known what it was to be in need. Dining at his father’s table, he had never been hungry. Wearing clothing his father had provided, he had always dressed in clean clothing unmarked by the shameful stain that marked a descent into the filth of the sewer. Sleeping soundly in a warm bed each night, this boy had been secure in his father’s love and kept safe from the challenges of life.

Then came the awful day when he realised how far he had fallen. He took stock of his situation, and it was dire. He saw where he was and what he had become. He had defiantly ignored the stench of the pigpen, ignored the hunger than gnawed at him constantly, ignored the way in which erstwhile friends avoided him despite his having spent all he had while in their company. Those friends he thought he had bought proved to be no friends at all. The shock of realisation must have been dramatic for this man. When he came to himself, he had a conversation with himself.