Shank The Rat - Prison Break 3 Series

“Prison Break 3 – Shank the Rat”

(Wait about 20 seconds)

JOSH: Has anyone seen Pastor Homan. He was supposed to be back by now with our special guest, but I guess he must be running late. (Holds hand to ear) Oh wait a second… I’m getting a report that our special guest is here and ready to talk with us. Everyone, please put your hands together for our former Governor Rod Blagojevich!

BLAGOJEVICH: Thank you! Thank you! I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to come here today and speak the truth. I would like to address anyone who would like to try to record me either openly or secretly… or sneakily, and let them know that you can come at me anyway you want but I will not be intimidated.

JOSH: (Rolling eyes) Ok, well… thank you for being here today. As you may or may not know, our church is in the middle of a Sermon Series called “Prison Break.” We have been talking about David and how he did something terribly wrong, is convicted, and punished. We thought, since you may relate to David, and definitely as someone who is GOING to prison, you might have some insights to share with us.

BLAGOJEVICH: Actually, I don’t see any similarities between myself and David because I, for one, am completely innocent. I believe that time will vindicate me because I have done nothing wrong!

JOSH: But Mr. Blagojevich… evidence has shown pretty overwhelmingly that you broke several laws while Governor of our fair state.

BLAGOJEVICH: I don’t care about the evidence, you wanna know what I care about! My new product BLAGOPOO! Shampoo to achieve that full bodied helmet hair! And for every 50 bottles you buy, I will throw in a free Senate Seat.

JOSH: See, your doing it again! That’s why people are so upset with you, it’s like you just can’t help yourself from breaking the law!

BLAGOJEVICH: I don’t know what you are talking about!

JOSH: Handing out favors for money!

BLAGOJEVICH: That’s not illegal!

JOSH: Yes, it most definitely is!

BLAGOJEVICH: Really, well then… I suddenly have to go on an unexpected trip to Fiji! Thanks for having me! Don’t forget… buy my Blagopoo! (Blago exits)

JOSH: Oh, I think we’ve been buying your Blagopoo for long enough.

JOSH: I don’t know about you, but that sort of thing just makes me so angry! I really hope he gets exactly what he deserves. I hate it when there is a double standard and people get away with just about anything. I hate it when justice isn’t served. I hate it when good things seem to happen to bad people. There should be a valid punishment for those who do wrong and the punishment should fit the crime.

I think the bible has it right when it demands an “eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.” Don’t you all? If Blago get’s away with this… I think I just might loose all of my faith in our justice system.

PASTOR HOMAN: (enters from choir room) You don’t think there’s room for grace?

JOSH: Pastor Homan! Welcome Back!

PASTOR HOMAN: Sorry I’m late, Blagojevich was trying to talk me into buying some oceanfront property in Arizona.

(Josh sits down and the rest of the sermon continues.)

You may be wondering like my wife… what on earth does Blagojevich have anything at all to do with Jesus? It is a perfect set up for today’s lesson where we delve into David’s family life. Some of us may consider Blagojevich a dirty “rat.” The big question facing us today, is what do you do with a rat. In prison… you shank the rat… you take justice into your own hands… but lets hold onto that question for a bit while we dig into our story a little deeper.

King David has a phenomenal story, filled with intrigue, suspense, murder, shady politics, wars, and of course family dynamics. Leading up to our scripture text today is a very interesting scenario. You see, David rose to power while King Saul was the King. Saul fell out of God’s favor and the Lord’s blessing passed on to David… but that didn’t mean that King Saul took his ball and went home. No… he remained king of the Northern Tribes…. and David… he became the leader of the Southern tribes. Classic battle of North verses South that started long before David and Saul ever got there. In the end, David won… uniting the North and South. But… as one might imagine… the North wasn’t entirely happy to have David as king.

Now we have to fast forward many years. David’s family is ripped apart by his sons fighting. David’s son Absolom kills his half-brother Amnon because Amnon had raped Absolom’s sister. Absolom then, after a few chapters, invokes the wrath of the Northern kingdom and impassions those who were loyal to Saul, and leads the Northern armies against his father David. I’m telling this is as good if not better than watching “The Godfather.”