Resolving Conflict In A Godly Way

RESOLVING CONFLICT IN A GODLY WAY

By Rev. Samuel Arimoro

Main Text: Matthew 18:15-17

Supporting Texts: Ephesians 4:26-27, Proverbs 15:1, Colossians 3:13, James 1:19-20, Romans 12:18

INTRODUCTION:

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Even within the church, where love and unity are paramount, disagreements arise because of differences in opinion, misunderstandings, or offence. How we respond to conflict is crucial because it can either deepen division or promote healing. The Bible provides a clear and practical guide on how to resolve conflicts with grace and godliness, aiming always at restoration rather than division.

In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus outlines a step-by-step process to handle disputes within the church community. This process is designed not to shame or punish but to bring about reconciliation and peace. It calls us to personal responsibility, humility, and perseverance, reminding us that conflict resolution is a spiritual discipline that honours God and strengthens relationships.

Understanding and applying these biblical principles is essential for every believer. When we resolve conflicts in a godly way, we reflect the character of Christ, maintain the unity of the church, and create an environment where love and peace can flourish. This message will explore how to practically live out this divine instruction in our daily interactions.

1. ADDRESS THE ISSUE PRIVATELY FIRST

a) Take personal responsibility to initiate reconciliation:

Jesus instructs us to go directly to the person who has wronged us rather than spreading the issue or harboring resentment (Matthew 18:15). Taking this step shows maturity and humility.

b) Avoid gossip and public shame:

Addressing matters privately protects the dignity of all involved and avoids unnecessary escalation or division (Proverbs 16:28).

c) Speak truth in love:

Your goal should be restoration, not condemnation. Approach with gentleness and a heart ready to listen and forgive (Ephesians 4:15).

d) Timing and attitude matter:

Choose an appropriate time and peaceful attitude to prevent defensiveness and to promote understanding (James 1:19).

Biblical Example: Nathan confronted King David privately about his sin before it became public (2 Samuel 12:1-7).

2. INVOLVE A FEW WITNESSES IF THE PERSON DOES NOT LISTEN

a) Seek help from trusted, impartial individuals:

If the person refuses to listen, Jesus advises bringing one or two others to act as witnesses and mediators to ensure fairness (Matthew 18:16).

b) Witnesses promote accountability:

Their presence helps clarify facts, reduces bias, and encourages both parties to be honest and humble.

c) Choose mature believers for mediation:

Those who have wisdom, discretion, and a heart for peace should assist in reconciliation.

d) This step helps protect the innocent and maintain order:

It discourages false accusations and promotes truth (Deuteronomy 19:15).

Biblical Example: Moses appointed elders to help settle disputes among the Israelites (Exodus 18:13-26).

3. BRING THE MATTER TO THE CHURCH IF NECESSARY

a) When private and mediated efforts fail, involve church leadership:

Jesus says that if the person still refuses to listen, the issue should be brought before the church community for judgment (Matthew 18:17).

b) The church acts as a spiritual authority to restore the person:

The goal is correction and restoration, not punishment or exclusion unless the person remains unrepentant.

c) This step preserves the purity and unity of the church:

Unresolved conflict can harm the whole body; the church must intervene wisely to protect the community.

d) Always proceed with love and a desire for restoration:

Discipline is meant to bring repentance and healing, not condemnation (Galatians 6:1).

Biblical Example: The early church dealt with issues openly, such as the case of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11).

4. PRACTICE FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION

a) Forgiveness is essential for true resolution:

Holding grudges keeps wounds open and blocks God’s blessings. We are called to forgive as Christ forgave us (Colossians 3:13).

b) Reconciliation restores broken fellowship:

True conflict resolution results in renewed relationships and peace between parties.

c) Forgiveness does not mean ignoring wrongdoing:

It means releasing bitterness and allowing God’s grace to heal both hearts.

d) Seek God’s help to forgive when it’s difficult:

Forgiving is often a process, but the Holy Spirit empowers us to do it (Ephesians 4:32).

Biblical Example: Joseph forgave his brothers who sold him into slavery and restored their relationship (Genesis 45:1-15).

5. MAINTAIN PEACE AND GUARD YOUR HEART

a) Strive to live at peace with everyone as much as possible:

Romans 12:18 encourages believers to pursue peace actively and avoid unnecessary quarrels.

b) Control your anger and avoid retaliation:

Uncontrolled anger can lead to sin; be quick to calm down and seek reconciliation (Ephesians 4:26-27).

c) Build bridges through humble communication:

Maintain an attitude of patience, gentleness, and kindness in ongoing relationships (Philippians 2:3-4).

d) Pray for God’s guidance and protection:

Ask God to keep your heart free from bitterness and fill you with His peace and love.

Biblical Example: Jesus taught forgiveness and peace even to those who persecuted Him (Matthew 5:44-45).