How to be the best son or daughter in the world
Today I’m talking to children in the Christian family, but that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook if you’re over 21! Last time I checked we’re all somebody’s child. If you have living parents, you’ll find something of value in this message. And, if you have kids I believe you can glean insights, as well.
My son, Jay, decided to drive in today to keep his Dad honest for this sermon! Thank you, Jay. You can check in with him after the service to see if I practiced what I preach, (imperfectly anyway.)
Erma Bombeck, the late humorist, wrote an essay about mean parents. I think some of you will find it easy to identify with her thoughts.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was really tough!
Mother wouldn’t let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms.
My kids had pretty mean parents, too! Bev and I believed in work, discipline, responsibility- mixed in with big does of laughter and love!
Teenagers, I want to encourage you to pay attention today.
(I hope you pay attention every Sunday, but especially today as what I’m going to talk about has the potential to spare you a great deal of grief down the road in life. What I’m preaching about today is a key to your success in the future.)
My goal in this sermon is to STRENGTHEN the relationship of Parent/Child in your home. If our Christianity does not work in our homes, it won’t work anywhere, because that’s where our TRUE self shines through!
PRAYER
God’s wisdom for sons and daughters of every age is straight forward.
I invite you to turn with me today to the Scripture.
TEXT - Ephesians 6: 1-3 Pew Bible page 1823
First question we need to speak to is this – To whom is that passage addressed?
Children - is a translation of the NT Greek word - ‘teknon.’ It does not refer to infants or those who have not reached the age of majority. It is the most general word for offspring, used also to describe the ‘children of God.’ It was used to describe the affectionate relationship of an older man who mentored a younger man as when Paul referred to Timothy as his ‘son in the faith.’
It is therefore a word addressed to all of us. It speaks to the relationship not just with your birth parents, but also those who became your parents by marriage. I guess we have to watch out for those ‘mother-in-law’ jokes guys!
There are two words that describe our relationship with our parents - Obey and Honor!
Let’s consider that first command - Obey your parents!
1. It’s a SPIRITUAL matter!
God added a curious little phrase to that command - ‘in the Lord.’ Some mistakenly read that, ‘obey your Christian parents.’ What God is telling us is that the way we relate to our parents is one of the ways we demonstrate our relationship to God! If you claim to be a follower of Jesus and fail to obey your parents, you’re at best immature - at worst, a hypocrite!
In another context, John asks “If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see?” I take a principle from the passage which is applicable to the child-parent relationship. If you won’t obey your earthly parent because of a rebellious spirit, then what makes you think you will obey your Heavenly Father?
You think I’m stretching the point?
Then consider this direct quote from Hebews 12.-
“we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." (Hebrews 12:9-10, NIV)
The way you treat your parents matters to God - it’s spiritual thing!
2. The quality of our obedience matters.
Do you eagerly do what your parents ask or do you grudgingly obey, only after multiple requests and much complaining?
Do you promise to obey, but then when your parents’ attention is diverted elsewhere do what you want to do? This is not just ‘kid’s stuff.’ This is sinful. God truly despises rebellion! In one passage the Bible declares that rebellion is worse than witchcraft.
Reasons to obey –
a. God approves of obedience!
In Colossians 3:20 we are told “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."(NIV)
The number one example is Jesus Christ! The Son of God, though equal with His Father, chose obedience to the will of the Father.
If you want God to approve of your life, skip the rebellious ways! Let me put it to you this way...
10 years from now, which will matter more - that your friends think you’re cool, or
that God is blessing your life?
I was a teenager once... a very, very long time ago. I wanted to do my own thing, just like every teenager does. It’s a normal time to begin to become independent of your parents as you mature. A wise parent knows that and allows you appropriate freedoms, but what they give you and what you want will probably always be different! When you defy them, your friends will laugh along with you. They will think you’re cool when you don’t make your curfew, when you drink with them despite your parents’ direction that you shouldn’t. When you drive your Dad’s car much too fast risking your life and his property - your friends will yell and slap you on the back. But, when you’re busted up in the hospital, healing up, the person who will be by your bed all night will be your Mom.
b. Obedience returns rich rewards!
This week, I had a conversation with a woman who decided to move away from her parents. She loves them, but did not want them looking over her shoulder any longer. With thousands of miles between them, she was free to do what she wanted, and she did. When I talked with her, she was speaking to me from the hospital where she had just delivered her baby - and she was alone! I am heartbroken for her. Had she obeyed, she would not be facing life as a single Mom, with all the difficulties that situation creates.
Why not take advantage of your parents’ experience? "My children, listen to me. Listen to your father’s instruction.
Pay attention and grow wise, for I am giving you good guidance.
Don’t turn away from my teaching." (Proverbs 4:1-2, NLT)
Now, take a look at the second command in our text- Honor your parents!
To honor means “to show respect, to give esteem.” Our NT text is a quotation of the 6th Commandment. In the OT, that word ‘honor’ was interesting - It literally meant to make heavy, to give weight! If you want to honor your parents, then pile on the praise and respect! Make it heavy, man!
So, how do we do that? Let me talk about three things, in no special order of importance.
1. What you say!
How do you talk about your parents?
Do you refer to them as ‘the old lady, the old man?’
Do you call them idiots behind their back?
Do you mock their efforts to guide and direct you, demeaning to your friends?
I don’t want to imply you can’t ever say anything other than real nice things about your parents.
Ex- My kids like to make fun of me. It’s a kind of sport, especially since they’re older. Yes, they learned it from me, for you know my humor involves gentle sarcasm and poking at human failures. So my kids like to point out my quirks and eccentric mannerisms. Of course, like all of us, with age I’m getting a little more quirky every year. But, I know they love me and their teasing is a way of saying, “Dad, we honor you.” I need a sense of humor to see their gentle affection in their teasing! But, I’d be quite hurt if they were openly disrepectful or discourteous. I taught them that as children, from their earliest years, first by modeling respect for their mother, and then by insisting that they honor her and speak respectfully to her, even when they were angry.
Show honor with sincere words of respect and appreciation.
2. With money and resources
Adult children, you have an obligation to Mom and Dad. In too many cases, we have shuffled responsibility for our parents onto the government and Social Security. Yes, of course, it’s complicated. Parents love their independence but in the Christian family, we are inter-connected and one of the ways we honor our parents is by making sure they are taken care of. My respect for a friend shot through the roof when I learned that he had taken significant resources and helped out his parents in a tough time. Their own unwise decisions had led them to a place of need, but this Christian man would not use that as an excuse to set aside their need!
The Bible has some tough words of condemnation for those who claim to be devoted God-followers, but who ignore the needs of their parents - “those who won’t care for their own relatives, especially those living in the same household, have denied what we believe. Such people are worse than unbelievers.”
3. With your actions
As a father, I am most honored when I see my adult children implementing the lessons I taught them. They have honored both their Mom and me by telling us how much they now value our example and the discipline we provided them in their youth.
My kids honor me by picking up the phone and calling every week, often several times a week. They don’t ask me for anything, they just call to see how things are, and to talk about their lives. Those calls are important to me because the unspoken message is - “Dad, you still matter to me.”
When my Mom fell and broke her hip on Mother’s Day, I didn’t have a moment’s thought about dropping what I was doing and going to sit with her in the hospital. As I sat there into the evening, she was in and out of a morphine haze, but she knew I was there. My presence there was honoring her.
I only wish I known some of this when I was younger! Some of my greatest regrets are around those times in my younger years when I failed to show the kind of honor for my parents that God desired from me. In my youthful arrogance, I was a little too quick to criticize, missed chances to share life in a more meaningful way, and just did not realize how important our parents were!
Show your honor for your parents by remembering their special day, by picking up the phone to talk with them, by taking them to dinner. Spend time, share your life. Value the things they value.
Dr. Dennis Rainey lists these ways to honor parents:
1. Choose to value your relationship with them.
2. Take the initiative to make it better.
3. Obey them until you’ve established your independent adult life.
4. Recognize what they’ve done right for you.
5. Note the sacrifices they have made for you.
6. Praise them for the legacy they have passed along to them.
7. See them through the eyes of Christ, with understanding and compassion.
8. Forgive them, like Christ has forgiven you.
Make it heavy! Pile it on!
an aside - God’s command that we honor our parents is not connected to them being honorable! It may well be that your parents have been dysfunctional, or worse, even evil. Honor them for the Lord’s sake, whether they are worthy of honor or not!
Let me underline that last part of honor! Truthfully, you might have to forgive your parents for sins against you, big and small. From counseling, I know the huge amount of damage that an evil parent can do to a child. Harsh words, constant criticism, abusive actions are devastating experiences.
I weep when I counsel with a woman well into her 40’s who still is wary of men because her Dad was an alcoholic whose moods changed quicker than the weather.
I hurt when I see a man in mid-life still trying to prove his manhood because his Dad never spoke an affirming word to him, or was so taken up with his own life, he failed to know they existed.
As adults we come to realize, or at least we should come to realize, that our parents were just mere mortals, not the gods we imagined them to be when we were children. It’s time to let God mature us so we can appropriately forgive, give up lingering resentments, and begin to show honor!
So whether you’re 12, 24, or 54 - if you want to measure your emotional and spiritual maturity, one gauge is to look at your relationship with them.
∙ Are you still demanding things of them in the same unrealistic way you did as a little child?
∙ Are you still holding their sins and failures against them like a petulant child?
Grow up in Christ! Forgive them. Accept them and then, pile on the honor. Make it heavy - for God’s sake.
There is a promise that is explicit attached to honor and obedience for parents–
“Honor your parents,” the Bible says, “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
What does God mean?
That the one thing that is most key to the success and health of the rest of our lives is our relationship with our parents! As a general rule those who live obediently and respectfully with their parents, live better lives. They marry more wisely, they are better adjusted emotionally, and are more healthy.
Teen, you want to make an investment in your future that will pay off better than anything else?
Listen to your Mom and Dad. Keep them on your team!
Accept their guidance and you will be thankful that you did, for you not only honor them, you also honor God!
_____________________
Parent, I cannot end this message without speaking to you.
You are an amazingly important person in your kids’ lives.
I know that you ‘know’ that, but do you really, really KNOW that?
Help your children to honor and obey you! Live honorably.
Some seem to think that being a parent creates permission to disregard basic rules of relationships. I hear father’s speaking to their children in ways they wouldn’t even dream of speaking to others. They curse them, berate them, call them names. Then expect honor. Jesus’ “Golden Rule” that we “do to others as we would have them do to us” applies at home. Yes, you must correct and direct, but you can do that lovingly and respectfully. You don’t have to destroy them to gain their compliance. IF you resort to intimidation and power to get your kids to do what you want them to do, you’ve lost the bigger battle - which is to gain their respect so that they will follow your example.
Don’t be afraid to be a parent! Love your kids, but don’t try to be their best buddy. Take the place of parental authority. Enforce reasonable rules and discipline. Establish boundaries and make them stick.
When your kids resist your efforts, do not make it personal! You are not their bud, you’re their parent, so if they don’t like you for a few days, it’s not the end of life. Be clear in expectations, be fair in implementation, be firm in enforcement, and be an adult when your kids don’t do what you tell them to do. Pouting, playing emotional ‘got-cha’ games, throwing temper tantrums only undermine your authority. Let them be the children in your house, not you!
Live what you preach! If you want to drive your kids crazy, tell them one thing and live a different way. You can guarantee they won’t believe anything you say if you do that.
Affirm them appropriately. They aren’t perfect and they know it, so don’t try to convince them that they are with phony praise. Let them know when they do things right, note their effort as much as the result.
Children and parent - make it your goal to create a home where Christ is Lord and God gets the glory because of your love and holiness. That’s the bottom line.
Amen
Jerry D. Scott, copyright 2006
all rights reserved
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