Family! Pleasure, pain, comforting, aggravating - and so much more, right?
A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of going with my Mom and Dad to a reunion of her family in Indiana. For a weekend I interacted with a few dozen people with whom I share nothing but DNA a common ancestor. We gathered from all over the country, bringing our stories and our pictures to share.
Why would strangers (some of us, others were well acquainted) spend the money, and invest the time to meet people who share little in life except having the same great Grandfather? I’m sure that someone could give me the scientific reasons, but all I know is I felt warmth, acceptance, and a sense of kinship. Knowing who those distant cousins are helps me find a ’place’ in this world.
I am really attached to my family. Stories about my wife, my kids, and the grandkids show up in this pulpit often, too often for some, I imagine! The greatest joys of my life are found in my adult kids, my wife, and our extended clan. My wealth is not in the bank, it’s in the love we share. When we vacation, it’s almost always to connect with the kids. We talk weekly, sometimes more often. I love to rejoice with them, cry with them, and to offer advice - sometimes when asked, sometimes even when they don’t want it! Why? Because they are my family!
Ours is a big, happy family; certainly not without stresses, not without dysfunction, for ours is a family that is real and that is impacted by the sinful world where we all live. We are saints in process! Truthfully, we have grown closer in the tough times when we have had to fight through misunderstandings and disappointments with the choice of love. Admittedly, we are God-blessed family, too, and for that I have to thank the godly grandparents who sowed the seed of the Gospel of Christ into our extended families 60-70 years ago, creating a legacy of godliness from which I am reaping huge benefits.
PRINCIPLE - God is dedicated to the family!
The Bible says
"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows— this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families;...." (Psalm 68:5-6, NLT)
The family is His idea. The nurture of the family is a high priority for God. That fact is quite clear when we consider all the fences God builds around family relationships and the emphasis His Word places on proper order of the godly family.
∙ Do you regard your family as a gift of God?
Some of you just sighed, I heard it. You’re thinking, "My family - a gift from God? Come on. They only cause me grief." Sure, I know that is sometimes true. Never the less, the family is God’s plan, and we must value it. The person who treats his family with contempt, robs from himself, and misses the best that God has prepared.
As the Lord leads, I want to explore issues of the Christian family in a series of sermons. I want to help us to answer, in a Biblical way, some important questions:
What are “family values?”
How do we best serve our family?
What does God expects of us in our role as a son or daughter, a husband or wife, as a parent?
What about order in the family unit?
Please do not misunderstand one basic idea -
I do not believe that any person is less of a person because he or she is single! This series is not propaganda designed to convince single people they must marry in order to be whole persons! However, I do believe that the Scripture presents marriage as desirable state, and the formation of a family as work that honors God. If you’re one of those called to singleness, please do not feel that I regard you as a 2nd class Christian. And know this... in this series, even those who are single will find information that will help them in relating to the extended family in ways other than being a spouse.
PRAYER
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Just about every wedding ceremony that I conduct has words to this effect in the opening paragraph -
We are celebrating the family today. The covenant that we recognize in this ceremony is a sacred and holy agreement having honor in heaven and here on earth.
God created three institutions for the good of man: the Home, the Church, and the State. According to the Bible, the home was the first of these institutions. It is the cornerstone for the structure of the other two. We recognize the divine importance for marriage that bring us together today. What we solemnize in this place creates a rock of stability in this world.
That is not merely philosophical, it is Biblical!
1. COVENANT -
The idea of marriage as an unbreakable covenant is almost extinct, replaced by the concept of a social contract. Some people view marriage as nothing more than a convenient means of creating an economic partnership or as a means of having a sexual partner! Increasing numbers are simply discarding the notion of forming a family by marriage, choosing instead to just live together.
2. FAMILY -
Our culture has radically re-defined what it means to be a family, too. If one holds to the Biblical concept of family as being “one man, one woman - committed to each other before God for life” - that person risks being attacked as a bigot. We are told that a family consists of people of any combination who are living in a ‘loving relationship with commitment for the long term.’
Some of you are thinking, ‘so what’s wrong with that?’
It does not meet God’s definition. It is a partial definition, but very incomplete. Arising from that broad definition, we now have ‘two Mommy families; two Daddy families...’ etc. It is not my intent to question the love that may be a part of such arrangements, but they are not families in the Biblical sense.
Consider this ancient text - inspired by God, that reveals to us the Creator’s definition and purposes for the family.(Genesis 2:15-24, NIV)
"The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the LORD God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die.” The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
So what do we learn from this account? Much! Nearly every New Testament word about the family references this passage in one way or another, as the inspired writers read this as a the basic statement of God’s design for humanity - male and female, committed to each other, for life; no longer distinct, but becoming a new ‘one!’
The first thing we learn is that God Himself created the complement for man, when He made woman!
Re-read v. 18
Many women read that word, “helper,” and immediately are offended. They read into that word a diminished value, an inferiority not intended in the text. That word indicates that woman was created by God to be the perfect complement to man. Man and woman are equally incomplete without the other. The very nature of human sexuality underscores the point!
It is impossible to understand this text without referring to sexuality, as that issue very much implied throughout the text. Reproduction of life requires male and female. So, first we learn that both sexes are required, neither inherently of greater value, each completing the other. But, the concept of male and female completing each other goes far beyond the physical.
The text teaches what common sense confirms. Male and female, in the ideal realm, complete each other in every way including emotional and spiritual! Obviously sin has terribly marred the beauty of who we were when we emerged from God’s hand. But the differences between male and female remain, not as a divide, but as a bridge, a place to join and become something yet entirely new and different.
The fact is that men and women are DIFFERENT. The difference is not just social conditioning, nor is it just the result of the way a child is raised. Certainly, we do treat our little boys and girls differently and that has some effect, but the truth is that God made us to be different. Our difference is not a reason for discrimination, nor should it be used to “put people in their place” but we can celebrate it and stop trying to ignore the obvious.
Maybe that all sounds way too sexist for you buy into at this moment. Let me urge you to suspend judgment for a few weeks and to listen carefully. You may discover more truth here than you see at first.
Remember, too, that God calls the Holy Spirit - the Helper! Surely He did not do so to diminish the worth or value of the 3rd Person of the Holy Trinity!
Second, we learn that woman was made from the same stuff as Adam!
She is a wholly new being, but of the same substance. Adam recognizes her as being of equal value calling her ‘flesh of my flesh.’ Tragically various communities have failed to understand his exclamation over the centuries with terrible consequences for women. In some they are not considered to have the same spiritual worth as a man. In others women are valued only for their reproductive ability. The Bible teaches us that women and men are of equal value before God! We are equally loved by Him and are offered equal places of service in His kingdom. Paul notes this with a statement - "So you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have been made like him. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female. For you are all Christians—you are one in Christ Jesus."
(Galatians 3:26-28, NLT)
Consider the practical implications of this equality for life.
It means that husbands and wives learn to live as partners. Adam saw in Eve, not someone to subjugate, but someone to love! Those men who would be godly husbands need to recognize the joy in Adam’s statement when he first saw who God had created to be his complement!
The New Living Translation captures it in its rendering of this text,
“At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of a man.” (Genesis 2:23, NLT)
What grows out of that is the imperative of mutual esteem!
Man, if you demean women and mistreat your wife because you ignorantly believe she is inferior, it’s an issue of concern to God! I am distressed when I hear a Christian husband adopting the ‘manly’ slang of his world by referring to his wife as ‘the old lady’ or worse, in ways that cannot be spoken from this pulpit. A man who demeans his partner, even in jest, is a fool who demeans himself.
The Word says, "Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground. "
(1 Peter 3:7, The Message)
Beyond being a issue of concern to God, we need to realize that if we treat our partners with contempt, we bring much unhappiness to ourselves! Many is the young husband who discovers that his desire for his wife is met with coldness and/or disinterest on her part because he treats her like a slave, or as an incompetent, or as an inferior all day long. There is nothing that improves the intimacy of marriage like tenderness on the part of a husband. I’m not talking about sweet talking your wife into compliance with your desire. I’m talking about seeing her as part of you, as your complement, as one created by God of the same substance and therefore of the same value as you, my good male friend!
Of course, same could be said for women! Sad, indeed, is that woman who has been wounded by a cruel father or ignored by a stupid oafish husband, who has become embittered against men in general. That husband bears the image of God. To be sure, it may lie under layers of sin, hidden under sin upon sin, but if you treat him contemptuously, failing to esteem him as your complement, you create resentment and sow a crop of sorrow that you will reap many times over in your marriage.
There is a final word in our text that demands our consideration-
re-read v. 24
Thirdly, we learn that when a man and woman leave their first place in a family as a son or daughter and form
a covenant with each other, they become ONE!
The very first principle to emerge from that statement is this – the primary social bond is between husband and wife. Mommy and Daddy can’t be number one in the life of a married person! If you’re still in love with Mom or Dad, if you still look to them for your emotional support, you’re short-circuiting your marriage!
Secondly, the principle of the permanence of marriage comes into view in that passage.
Jesus commented on that passage when questioned about marriage.
“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together.”
“Then why did Moses say a man could merely write an official letter of divorce and send her away?” they asked. Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”
Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “Then it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made that way by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone who can, accept this statement.”" (Matthew 19:4-12, NLT)
What I am about to say will directly impact a large percentage of you here today. Don’t shut me out, or close your mind, or fall into condemnation. Hear the truth, and know that our Savior redeems us all from whatever sins we lay before Him in confession! No sin is having more impact on the lives of Christians today than the sin of divorce! And why do Christians divorce as readily as unbelievers?
Two reasons stand out primarily...
The first is the
failure to understand the nature of the covenant of marriage.
Our culture presents marriage as a contract - “You do this, I will do that. Failing on those points, we’ll dissolve the tie that binds us together, going our separate ways.” The Bible does not see marriage in a contractual light at all. Rather, when we marry we join ourselves to another for life with an unconditional promise to love and cherish until death do us part.
ll. - `On January 10, 1975 when I said my marriage vows, they were not primarily to Bev, but to God! If I attempt to break those vows, I will hurt her, but I will offend God because divorce is sin! I was taught that from my early years as being the truth of the Scripture and it has sustained us both in times of difficulty.
God says, “I hate divorce.” And He means it. We are called to live in covenant with our spouse, honoring God by loving them.
The second reason divorce is so rampant is that
we have made marriage into a romantic connection that we
expect will always produce happiness and pleasantness!
Our views of marriage are shaped as much by the myths of Hollywood as they are by the truth of the Scripture. He expects that she will always be warm, wonderful, sexy, and compliant. She expects that he will always be tender, thoughtful, kind, and romantic. Except that only happens in the fake world! (Can I hear an Amen?)
If you have adopted the belief that your marriage must always be happy, you will become vulnerable to the temptation of divorce. The very act of sharing life with another human being as closely as husband and wife do, means that conflicts are inevitable. Sinful people, even those we love, will fail us. They will make sad, angry, and even desperate. But, those become occasions for experiencing God’s grace IF we submit ourselves to His will and His word.
I would encourage every married individual in this room to erase the word, ‘divorce’ from your vocabulary! It is not God’s best will. It is, admittedly, a concession He has made because of the sinful of the human heart.
In some circumstances, it may be permitted by the will of God, but they are few and far between. And for two people who are seeking God’s will and open to the work of the Spirit, divorce is an option of last resort to be exercised only in very limited circumstances.
Larry Christenson writes -
“Because marriage is the precious foundation and cornerstone of all society, the destructive spirit of our age manifests itself most strongly in our divorce laws. ... but the greatest evil of all that is done is to the authority and rule of Christ, for divorce flies in the face of His Word.”
- The Christian Family, pg 27
Now, if you’re sitting here smoldering with resentment at those words, I would ask you to prayerfully consider what I’ve said is not my mere opinion. If you’re feeling judged and/or condemned, please understand the compassion of my heart. And know this – God is the restorer! No one is beyond His forgiveness, beyond His healing. Divorce is not a sin by itself in a special category. It is part of a long list of ways that people fail their God! You can find His forgiveness and go ahead to serve Him with joy, without condemnation, but without the need to constantly judge yourself!
God loves us and has sent us a Redeemer to buy us out of the sinful state that enslaves us. Hear that Word!
Yes, at the very beginning of the Bible the principles of the Christian family begin to take shape...
1. God, Himself, designed as male and female and made us complementary to each other.
2. God made us of the same substance, man first, woman second, but both of equal value in
His sight. This calls us to mutual esteem.
3. God calls on those who marry, to separate from their mother and father, to form a primary, and life-long union with their mate, and to consider that He now views them as ONE.
Let this the last word today. Marriage certainly brings great benefit to us! But it not for our benefit alone. The Christian family exists for the glory of God! Think of that.
As you relate to your spouse, as your children learn the ways of God and grow to serve and honor Him, He gains glory. Our love of our marriage will deepen considerably when we begin to see it as a place of giving honor and glory to the God, who has called us to serve His high and holy purposes in every part of our lives.
Amen.
Jerry D. Scott, copyright 2006
www.WashingtonAG.com
