Family Matters
Eph 5:21-6:9
If you really want to find out what someone is like, visit their home! Watch how they treat their family, view their daily habits, look at what they do when they are most comfortable – yes, this is the greatest measurement of our faith. In other words, how we treat those closest to us is the greatest indication of our spiritual character and maturity.
Paul knew this no doubt! That’s why, after laying out 3 lifestyle commands for us in chapters 4-5, he went right away to our spiritual “jugular” – our closest, family relationships!
And we at FFC believe this whole heartedly! We value the family, and believe that it is the most fundamental unit of society, a church, a community…families need to work well. When they don’t, everyone suffers. So we make no bones about it – start inside the walls of your own home first. And I think that’s one of the implications of these verses we’re studying today…start with those closest to you! Begin there. Yes, living worthy, lovingly and wisely should start with those closest to us…the ones inside our home! Those who are closest to us, both in proximity and in emotion, should be the ones we strive to live godly around. They matter most!
And just who are those closest to us? Well, we call them our family, and we’re going to take a look today at how we’re supposed to live around the people that bear that name. So take your Bible and turn to Ephesians 5 and let’s look at some family matters. That’s right – we’re going to focus on those under your roof – man, woman and offspring. And Paul starts with a simple command to all of us in Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
This umbrella command arches over all the instructions that are about to follow. And just what is submission? Submission is the principle law that helps us be most like Christ in our closest relationships. If you’re wondering how to approach this verse in light of the fact that it asks all of to be submissive, think about it like you would a bridge with two yield signs. Your best bet is to watch the one on your side of the bridge!
After giving this overarching command, he is now going to talk about the specifics.
First, to wives.
[READ 5:22-24, 33]
Now I realize this isn’t the most “politically correct” passage, and sometimes we get tempted to find a more palatable word than “submit,” a more culturally sensitive term. But let’s not back away from God’s words or God’s Word! It is God’s perspective – the Bible’s truth – that’s what changes people!
• “Submit” is the only word found in all passages about the wife (Eph 5, Col 3 1 Peter 3)
• Lit., it means “to organize under someone” and it is in the middle voice (she does it to herself…a husband doesn’t make her submit!)
• I think this word is closely associated with the word RESPECT in v 33
• In a definition, submission is an attitude between a wife and God that results in the voluntary actions of respect and honor towards her husband’s leadership.
My advice? I think the #1 way a wife can show biblical submissiveness is R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
HUSBANDS
[READ 5:25-33]
The most common word used for husbands throughout the Bible is LOVE ... you ought to be the best lover in your home!
Two principles are taught here that will help you love her better…
• The One Day Principle – “present”(25-27)
Do everything you can to make her the best wife possible. That’s what Christ is doing for his church…you ought to do it for your wife. This is called SACRIFICE!
• The One Flesh Principle – “as your own body” (28-33)
Whatever you do and however you treat your wife is what you are doing to yourself. Give her the same priority you give yourself! Schedules, time, etc…give her the same standard of care and attention.
My advice? I think the #1 way a husband can show biblical submissiveness to his wife is TENDER LOVE AND SACRIFICIAL SERVICE
One way you can do this is by asking her everyday, “What can I do for you today that will help you be the best wife and mom possible?” Ask it every day! Everyday! In about 6 months she’ll start believing you really love her!
And while I’m talking about men in the home, let’s look at what God says to the next group.
FATHERS
[READ 6:4-5]
There is a simple way to look at this…
- (neg) - “don’t exasperate our children.” Don’t tease, antagonize, make things worse. This usually happens when punishment goes too far! (This is also mentioned in 2 Cor. 2)
+ (pos) - “bring them up” This is the idea of leadership. Not pulling, pushing, shoving, but showing! Influencing through example! It is done with training/discipline (correcting the wrong) and instruction (teaching the right). And it starts with you showing the way!
My advice? I think the #1 way a dad can show biblical submissiveness to his kids is PERSONAL AND RESPONSIBLE LEADERSHIP!
If you’re not ready to accept this responsibility, don’t have kids. You are more than a sperm donor…you’re a dad! The only one they have…let’s stand up and be what God made us to be in our homes – men of influence!
CHILDREN
[READ 6:1-3]
This verse lays it out in plain language, doesn’t it? Two things every child should know and do:
1. OBEY
• Lit., “to hear under”
• There is an auditory element to this word
• “I will listen attentively and respond positively to my parents while under their authority.”
2. HONOR
• Lit., “to respect and recognize someone’s value”
• There is a financial elements to this word, and this word is often used in other NT places (Mark 7)
• “I will acknowledge and appreciate my parent’s value even after I’m released from their authority.”
My advice? I think the #1 way children can show biblical submissiveness is OBEDIENCE IN ACTION AND ATTITUDE!
Let’s put it like this: “DO THE RIGHT THING IN THE RIGHT WAY AT THE RIGHT TIME WITH THE RIGHT ATTITUDE!”
When all of these work together, something interesting happens: we show others how Christ relates to and loves his church! That’s right – the family, specifically marriage, is the model others should be able to look to in order to find out the truth about how Christ feels about and treats the church.
Most of us think others should look at church to see what Christ think about church. But I gotta tell you – according to the Bible, if someone really wanted to know how Christ felt about his body – his bride – if they wanted to know how to treat the church and act at church, if they really wanted to know what Christ thought about church, they ought to be able to simply look at your home! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! WOW! We have been given a huge responsibility and privilege! What an honor!!!!!!
Perhaps you’re wondering, “How does that happen? What now?”
Good question! So I bring your attention to one last bit of insight…While all these different people groups have individual roles and responsibilities, there is one element common to all that makes real, biblical submission (the umbrella command) actually possible…
5:21 – “one another…for Christ”
5:22 – “wives…to the Lord”
5:25 – “husbands…as Christ”
5:28-29 – “husbands…as Christ”
6:1 – “children…in the Lord”
ENJOYING MY FAMILY COLLECTIVELY BEGINS WHEN I PUSRUE GOD INDIVIDUALLY!
Do you know God? Have you been born again? Do you have the Spirit of God within you to empower you to live and obey?
If not, why not trust Christ today!
It could be the beginning of a new home for you!
You see, God must be the focal point – the centerpiece – of your life personally. There is a connection!
This is actually what many of you need – God! Maybe you need to trust Christ once and for all and be saved…others of you have already believed but you are off track in your priorities. You’ve been trying to run a home on physical strength, human power….but doing it God’s way and trusting him is the only way to build a Christian home! Start with God individually…it makes a difference collectively.
So today, yes, pick out the tips/suggestion to help you, but commit to putting God first in your life. Make him your sole focus…your whole family will be glad when you do!
