THE IMPORTANCE OF PARENTING – YOUR KIDS NEED YOU
It is my firm opinion that people do not know how to parent any longer. As a nation, the last generation of parents failed and now a new generation of parents is trying to discover how to do it with no role model, but only a broken home to look back to.
There is not a more important emphasis for the church, our church, or any church than fighting as hard as we can against the devil and his world system to save and strengthen families. This is why we do family matters. This is why this year we will focus exclusively on parenting.
Your Goal: an adult who walks with God
Your Role: obedience to God’s command to systematically train your child to walk with God
Our Failure: We are losing 8 out of 10 kids by the age of 19.
Studies done by the Southern Baptist Convention, and independent studies in at least two other denominations, reveal that we are losing our church kids. These studies reveal that of the children in church today, 8 out of 10 will not be there o their 19th birthday.
NOTE: our goal = at age19, they are ready to walk with God, but we lose 8 out of 10.
Turn to Ephesians 5 -6 and let’s read selected verses.
In 6: 1-4, you will find this-
3 commands: 3 categories of activities that encompass all of parenting
1) Obey/corollary of do not provoke your kids to wrath
This is the rest of the series for the rest of the month. However, they do no good if you do not get this command. “I do not know how” is an excuse for not wanting to do the hard work. It’s all here in scripture so it is incorrect to say that I do not know how. You just do not want to get it.
2) bring up your child in the training of the Lord
3) bring up your child in the admonition (correction) of the Lord
I. Understanding Respect
Verse 1 commands children to obey. This is an application of a prior truth. As we read, chapter 5 begins by commanding Christians to walk in a sacrificial love, i.e. submission. 5:18 commands us to be submitted to the Holy Spirit. Verse 21 states clearly that being “filled by the Holy Spirit” results in our biblical submission to one another. Paul then writes numerous applications for us: wives to husbands, husbands to wives by loving them the way Jesus did when He died for us, and children to their parents.
Scripture analysis of this passage
• 10 commandments: The first 4 were for God and the next one is this one w/ a promise: obey your parents. Why? God made perfect relationships(Garden of Eden)based on love. Sin messed them up – selfishness was created. To be saved you must submit to His plan. To walk in the loving relationships He created you must walk in submission to those you love. A non-submissive spirit will cause you to lie, cheat, and steal. This is key to the maturation of a child.
• Note: the 10 commandments were given to all of Israel. The command to obey was given to everyone, not just the kids. This command falls on the parents as well as the kids. Where will they learn to obey if not from the parents?
• Parent to child is the basic learning relationship, as well as God’s plan for learning how to live, and to know the Lord. Everything begins or comes unglues in the home.
• We learn to submit to our parents, then we learn to submit to God’s plan. We learn, through submission, how to love those around us – the last 5 commandments.
• See context in Ephesians 4 - every human relationship represented
• Sin creates selfishness. Selfishness creates dysfunction. This destroys every person and every relationship
• Bible never commands parents to love their children you will not find it. Why? Natural. But our hearts are messed up with selfishness. Remember – it always creates dysfunction.
• The command is to discipline and train. To do this we must face our own selfishness and discipline our kids. Hebrews 11 reminds us that “whom a father loves He disciplines.”
Your child will always be dysfunctional until you teach them how to submit. If they never learn submission from you, they will be rebellious and selfish all of their lives. If allowed, their selfishness will control them. How will they be equipped to “die on the cross” for a wife or “submit themselves to a husband” if they are dominated by selfishness? How will a child become teachable if not taught first to submit?
It is not an enjoyable job to teach submission to your kids. In fact, it is probably one of the worst and most UNenjoyable things. But God’s word commands it specifically to be done. Have faith that our Heavenly Father knows how to parent.
II. Understanding rebellion
The command is this: “do not provoke your children to wrath.” There are two ways that we do this: 1) harsh, unloving discipline, but 2) no discipline training or inconsistent, failed discipline training.
#2 is the most prevalent problem today. An overwhelming majority of parents fall in this category. Ask a teacher about the condition of their classroom. Ask an administrator about the volume of discipline and how kids of today respond.
Wrath and rebellion are flip sides of the same coin. Picture in your mind a rebellious child – what is their facial expression. Why are they so aggressive? It is because it creates anger.
Every major study reveals clearly that parents spend less time w/ kids than ever. A higher % of time is now spent in the car traveling to events than any other category of time. TV/internet = 48%, while time with father = 23%. See George Barna, Spiritual Champion.
When we do not spend time with our kids, what is the first ting to go? It is discipline. We feel guilty about it so we do not do it. We feel disconnected from our child so we attempt to spend our time simply enjoying them and discipline never rises.
Moreover, this is destructive to our children because they need structure in order to thrive. Reading Dobson’s Dare to Discipline, he teaches us about the need for structure. A child’s major need is security. They will push against boundaries I order to determine that they are still there. These boundaries create comfort. Proper discipline is simply consistently maintaining these boundaries. A child therefore feels comfort and security – love – from this discipline process.
On the other hand, if the child pushes and feels no boundaries, he/she will continue to push until hitting one. This creates anger and resentment. Children begin to “act out” when there is no structure. This is an expression of anger in the heart of the child resulting from a failure to provide a disciplined structure in his/her life. This is a parent “provoking wrath” in the heart of a child.
III. Teaching Respect
Verse 4: bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Practical Pointers:
1) Build your relationship. This presumes a life of submission. In Ephesians 5, God commands submission to each other twice as a definition of the Christian life. He commands wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to submit by “dying on the cross” for their wives. That is biblical love. Biblical love is based on selflessness and submission.
If you love your children selflessly, meeting their needs for time, interaction, involvement, then you ill have a relationship on which you can build lesson of submission. You can discipline them biblically and it will have the effect needed. By submission, you do what your kids need – they need to learn biblical submission. When you discipline in love they will know it. You will tell them, “I’m doing this because I love you. Because God loves you.” Submission is the framework for a healthy, Godly relationship. Remember if you submit, then the natural parental love God built to flow between you will do so. It is the dysfunction of sin that prevents them from loving you and you from teaching them discipline.
2) Discipline is a spiritual action because it is done in obedience to God’s command. It is a choice of faith. It has a reward – remember Hebrews 11:6 defines faith as part reverence and part believing in the reward of obedience. God reminds us in this passage that this is the first commandment with a promise.
3) Use consistency. These verbs, in the original language, give the clear meaning of an on-going training process. You must create consistency. The concept is one of training and NOT simply teaching a lesson. These aren’t lessons you are building, but habits and character traits. That means they are learned through repetition and consistency.
4) Focus on building a respect for authority. With younger children – do not discipline for childishness, but for rebellion. With older children, train them to respect elders, teachers, coaches, umpires/referees, etc.
This is one reason why you make kids have manners and say “please” and “thank you.” It is teaching respect, which is a part of submission. Do not let youth fall lax on these things. If you focus on authority, then you will find it impacts their character which means they will make many more correct choices. You cannot and will not ever correct all behavior, do not try. Teach submission to authority and they will develop a character of obedience. This is the way God design this as a commandment and why it is reminded here I this verse.
5) Connect the dots between relationships and actions. Teach your children, “you tell me you do not love me when you do not obey me.” “To disobey is to say you are not important or worthy of my concern.” Remember that sin creates dysfunction because it destroys the biblical manner in which God designed relationships to function. Remember what your goal is: a functional adult who lives out the love of Jesus.
