Dealing with rebellion at home
Luke 15:11-31
Charlie Steinmetz was a crippled dwarf, but what he lacked physically he made up mentally. When it came to the subject of electricity, Steinmetz was a genius. No one in his day knew more about electicity than him.
Henry Ford realized this when he hired the man to help in the building of those massive generators and turbines that would run his first automobile plant in Dearborn, Michigan. Once everything was in place, the assembly line worked like clockwork.
Thanks to the electrical genius, cars began to roll off the line and profit began to pour into Ford’s pocket. Things ran along smoothly for months.
Suddenly, without warning, everything ground to a halt. Ford Motor Company went dark. One mechanic after another was unable to locate the problem much to Ford’s frustration. Finally, he contacted the brains behind the system.
Steinmetz showed up and immediately went to work. He fiddled around with some switches and a gauge or two. He tinkered with this and that one, pushed a few buttons and messed with some wires. He then threw the master switch and wouldn’t you know it? Lights blinked on, engines began to whirl, and things were back to normal.
Within a few days, Charlie Steinmetz mailed Henry Ford a bill for $10,000. Ford couldn’t believe it! He was wealthy, but paying such an exorbitant amount of money was out the question, especially for what appeared to be such a small amount of work.
He sent the bill back with a note attached, Charlie, doesn’t it seem a little steep to charge me $10,000 for tinkering around with a few wires and switches?
Steinmetz rewrote the bill and sent it back. It read: For tinkering around on the motors $10.00. For knowing where to tinker $9,990.00.
Today, the Holy Spirit wants to tinker around with your family. Have you noticed how he has an uncanny knack for knowing where to tinker? What price can you put on your family’s health? Is there anything, next to your walk with God, more important than your family?
Today I want to look at the difficult side of the family and what happens when rebellion hits your home. I have felt impressed to do a series on families from the Bible. My purpose is to look at how several families dealt with their children and see what we can learn.
The home is a laboratory where kids can move from dependence, to independence. Rebellion, we must understand this topic if our kids are going to make it into adulthood and God is to be honored.
Rebellion in the home affects everyone at one time or another. We need some insights on this painful part of parenting.
Children and Young people today live in a confused generation. Many have no respect for authority because they don’t see it in the home. Others intimidate their parents with requests and demands that shouldn’t even be open for discussion. Some transfer this lack of respect and intimidation to the school, neighborhood, and even law enforcement.
A common mistake made by many parents is that they don’t see the high cost of not confronting rebellion. But if not confronted, those in rebellion will stop at nothing.
God has given us a mandate to deal with rebellion. This can be the most unpleasant thing you will ever do. It is gut wrenching, even volatile, and you may feel like you’re losing your mind. At times you will feel like the whole family is being held hostage.
Rebellion in the family wears many masks. It could be the child who grows up in a Christian home and fails to heed the warning about marrying a non-Christian. It could be the son in high school whose parents aren’t aware of his struggle with his sexual identity, then one day he announces he’s moving out with his boy friend.
Consequences of divorce on children
When divorce hits a family, it is not uncommon for children in the home to slip into rebellion. Let me address the impact of divorce on the children.
Loss of family structure is the most immediate and damaging impact divorce makes on a child. A child’s greatest need is to know that mom and dad are incurably in love with each other. Divorce shreds the stability of a child’s life. i.e. Andy – Dick Foth
When rebellion hits a home, quite often it can be traced back to what is happening with mom and dad. As parents, let’s commit to making our marriage our priority, and then a successful family will be the natural outcome.
I want to use the story of the Prodigal Son as the background to give us a peek into a home that was touched by rebellion. I have outlined the story around six concepts:
1. Before you know it, they’re grown up
There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. Luke 15:11-12
Two months ago I had a flash back. Right in the middle of Scott and Carissa’s wedding, I remembered the day he was born, holding him for the first two hours. What a ride.
Truth is, I think growing up is harder on the parents than it is on the kids. In our text, we have a child that stands before his dad as a man. His deep voice says, Dad, I have some inheritance coming and I’d like to have it now.
I hear the voice of impatience as the young man counts down the minutes until he is free of the restrictions of the home.
All parents know this day is coming but we’re never quite ready for it when it finally arrives. And you wonder, Did I spend enough time with them? Did I do all I could to help create a sense of significance? Did I give enough attention to the spiritual role that I play? Did I listen to the things that matter to them?
From the beginning our story drips with rebellion, from the tone of voice to the wild living that follows shortly after the son’s departure. Notice how dad handled the request and departure. He graciously responded to his son’s request. No lecture. No prophetic warning of storm clouds of failure stirring on the horizon. It isn’t easy to do what he did.
Have you ever considered the connection between how you release your child and how they return? In fact, how you let them go will generally determine if you ever get them back! Let that sink in for a moment.
It isn’t long before the young man is gone. The father’s heart was shredded as he wondered if he would ever see his son again. At times like this, a parent wonders if it’s worth it all. No job is tougher.
2. When a child rebels, it is often determined by
their personality
Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. Luke 15:13-14
Why is it so hard to deal with rebellion? Because this is our own flesh and blood.
This young man can hardly get out of town fast enough. There is no, and they lived happily ever after, in a rebel’s life. In fact, most rebels dread the coming of each new day.
In his mind, he had grown up with too many restrictions, now he wanted the right to call the shots. Free at last! With the sound of Dad’s good-bye ringing in his ears, the young man stretches his wings and flies off.
...and there squandered his wealth in wild living.
The young man was on a mission. His mission statement was: Operation Personal Gratification
Soon he acquires a bunch of shallow friends and is off living the high life. No indulgence is left untried. It doesn’t take long before the best thing that ever happened to him is staring him in the face, the money ran out, he began to be in need.
I believe this verse shows us what it takes to turn a rebel’s heart toward home. Panic and fear must replace boredom, self-indulgence and personal gratification. He began to be in need.
Welcome to the real world. Here he is, no work, no help, no hope. A great formula for transforming a proud heart! Soon things in his heart are going to soften.
3. If you’re going to win over rebellion, you must
allow consequences to win over your child.
So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said, How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! Luke 15:15-17
Without a doubt, the hardest part of parenting a rebel is realizing the type of pigsty these young people might have to sink into. But a broken heart opens them to truth and God’s grace.
Perhaps there is a potential prodigal here today who can be saved by this honest portrayal of what lies in front of you. Maybe you’re a naive parent who isn’t praying for your child’s safety and you’ll be shaken to your senses when you hear what is out there attracting our kids.
I know for some this will be a bit too graphic, but it’s reality and might save some unsuspecting young person from a life of heartache:
* Kids as young as 5 are sold into child pornography.
* Jr. high girls are having sex on a regular basis at age 12.
* Youth are being swept into the world of the occult.
* Young men are slipping into homosexual practice.
* Young girls are abandoning Christian values for a world of freedom with an older man and the perceived joy of being taken cared for.
Before they hit their 20’s, these kids are often totally confused, emotionally bankrupt, morally corrupted, and physically wasted. The world and street might seem inviting on the surface, but it’s a demanding tyrant that takes no prisoners. It’s a godless, shameless lifestyle that leads to death. If you are thinking of running, please reconsider your options.
If you are the parent of a rebellious child, please be aware of this truth: It may take your son/daughter months and even years before they ever realize what they have back at home.
When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!’
As painful as this insight is, before Prodigals return they may fail high school, suffer abuse, or get pregnant. Some may spend time in prison; others may go through a drug recovery program.
It may take the loss of a friend, loss of their mind, even the threat of the loss of their life before they come to their senses.
Rebellion is a painful family issue to deal with. Over the years, one thing I have seen consistently is that it takes a series of hard events before the runway is shaken to his senses.
4. How do you handle the day your child returns?
I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:18-20
Tucked inside these verses is the recipe for the successful return of a rebellious child. How do you welcome the rebellious?
First, realize they are not coming home to be given the same status they enjoyed before their departure.
Rebels know they deserve nothing. They will be satisfied to live in a tent in the back yard. They will accept the leftovers from the nightly meal.
Second, they are not coming home for things and stuff, they are coming home for relationships. I will set out and go back to my father...
The prodigal is not interested in his room, his friends or his trophies. All he thinks is, just give me Dad.
The deepest heartache of the rebellious is for relationship. Just be patient; that child will come back. Your home offers something they can get no place else.
One day your wayward son or daughter will long for you above everything. When that happens, the prodigal is on the way home. Charles Swindoll put it this way, Parents, the most significant thing you have in your home is you!
5. Rebellion that results in restoration needs
celebration
When the short-lived fantasy of the fast lane is over, be ready to do your part in the return.
...the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. Luke 15:22-24
What do Prodigals need when they return? Love, and lots of it; the very thing you have been giving all your life. The original text suggests that when the son and dad finally made eye contact and came to together, that dad repeatedly hugged and kissed him. This was no shallow form of expression. This was not a son worrying about his peers seeing him cry or watching him kiss his dad.
When the prodigal returns, be heavy on the celebration and light on the explanation. The last thing they need is a lecture.
6. Don’t be surprised if rebellion is right under
your nose
A Word of Warning: Many parents are not even aware that their own subtle rebellion has sown seeds of rebellion in the heart of their children. The sad thing is many parents are not even aware this is going on.
Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him! Luke 15:25-30
What can I take home this morning?
We can apply two overriding principles to our families today if we want to guard against our children becoming prodigals.
First, Parents be willing to stand on principle over Person. The principles found in God’s Word are your source, strength, and safeguard for Building a strong family.
Second, A child’s emotional coaching is the greatest insurance against rebellion. Know your child’s unique temperament and personality and build on it. Be their greatest cheerleader.
