Learning How to Forgive
Ephesians 4:32
Today, I would like to talk with you about what I believe is the most difficult thing we are asked to do as a human being and that is to forgive. You remember the old cliché: To err is human, to forgive is divine.
Yeah, no kidding right? I’m not talking about simple, “excuse me” type of forgiveness. Instead, I’m talking today about real forgiveness in matters of the heart. The kind of forgiveness that prevents broken marriages, broken relationships, split churches, and prevents or heals bitterness.
God knows how hard it is to forgive because He knows our hearts. He knows how to teach us to forgive because He is the author of forgiveness.
As we read our scripture verse this morning, I want to show you these four truths:
Pronouncement to Forgive
Problem w/ Forgiving
Process to forgive
Plan for Forgiving
I. Pronouncement to Forgive
This is a command – “shall.”
Let’s get a clear definition:
To pardon or set aside completely a wrong done to you without payment, revenge, or punishment.
This is a command I believe because you cannot be a spirit-filled Christian and an example of Jesus without learning and practicing forgiveness. God does not command it to be cruel or overbearing. He is not a dictator forcing His evil demands on us.
See what He says here, “as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” First of all, He already forgave us in Jesus. It cost Him Jesus precious blood on the cross to forgive us. He did this out of love. Second, He is always at work in us to make us more like Jesus so that a world that needs forgiveness can see it tangibly. They know what it looks like, where to find it, and see that it changes their lives.
This truth is reiterated all throughout Ephesians. 4:29 says we are only to speak in such a way as to build up. You can’t do that from bitterness and unforgiveness. 5:1-2 clearly says we are to be imitations of His love – including His forgiveness. 5:18 gives the command to be spirit filled. Verses 19-21 describe what it looks like. Verse 21 says it looks like submission to one another. How do I biblically submit to someone without forgiving them?
Because this is a command, there is a cost to disobedience:
Emotional & physical sickness, stress, etc. medical research here validates.
Spiritual consequence: no forgiveness for you Matthew 6:14-15. Disobedience is sin. Sin interrupts our fellowship with God. He is serious about this issue. As serious as about anything in our lives. Why? Because it is a major key to being that example of His love through Jesus.
II. Problem with Forgiveness
Why is it so heard? Forgiveness is the opposite of our human nature. He asks us in this verse to be “tenderhearted.” This is not simply some sweet person who everyone likes. Instead, this speaks of the condition of your heart in functioning with a Christlikeness and love.
Sin wound – it hardened our hearts. The result is make us unable to forgive and love and do the things a Jesus heart does. See verses 17-19. Sin made our hearts dark, lewd, and “filled with greediness.” This is the deeply selfishness and rotten to the core picture of the sinners heart. This was my heart before I met Jesus and asked Him to come into my heart to change it.
Listen to me: this isn’t a children’s bible drill verse. This is a deeply important and significant, adult-sized spiritual mission.
III. Process of Forgiveness
Pastor, if this is so difficult, then how do I do it. Many of you are even thinking right now,”I need to do it because I have that bitterness you talked of but I have tried and cannot. Please tell me how.”
Any time God calls us to do something, He always tells us how. Here He shows us “as God in Christ has also forgiven you.” That is how you do it. It is to rely on God to show you through how He forgave you. This is important and will change your life. Almost every time God teaches on forgiveness, He shows us the circular pattern of “I forgave you, consider that, then you will implement that same forgiveness to forgive.”
Watch this verse: “bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also you should.”
Colossians 3:13
Do you see the same pattern? The “how to” lies in that pattern. Write down these references and study them when you get home. They clearly rely on the same pattern:
2 Corinthians 2:8-10
Matthew 6:12, 14-15
Luke 6:37
Mark 11:25
Matthew 18 – Parable of the Unjust Steward
Now how do I implement this pattern as an actual plan in my life?
IV. Plan for Forgiveness
a. Review these scriptures and your sinful nature.
Look at yourself and consider your sin. When I think about myself, everyone else suddenly seems in a different light. When I review what my sin cost Jesus, I realize that no matter how badly they have hurt me, I’m not bleeding on a cross.
b. Thanksgiving for God’s pardon for your sins.
By thanking God for forgiving my sins, I activate in my heart an understanding of forgiveness. I also open my heart to God’s supernatural work because of the praise and the surrender that is there. He is now free to work in my heart to heal and create the faith for forgiveness.
c. Ask God to reveal any more sin in your heart.
This process of forgiveness is critical. It creates in me an openness for God to reveal sins there that are hurting me and hampering His work. See verse 31. He says to put aside all of these things that work in tandem with bitterness and a lack of forgiveness. God is likely to reveal some things to you that are uncomfortable. Again. Rely in His forgiveness and work in your life to heal you and to prepare you.
d. Once completely repented, then ask God for the faith to forgive.
You now are in tuned with His forgiveness and you know with confidence that as the author and finisher of our faith He can do this in you. This also forces you to spiritually rely upon Him.
e. Commit to set aside feelings, etc. when they arise.
Do not go back and plead for God to work again. You have done this. Believe God has accomplished it in you. Emotions are still there because of the tenderness of the heart wound. By giving in to those, you are reopening the wound. Turn to your scriptural foundation and stand on it. DO not let the emotions rule you, but stand on faith on God’s Word. Say a prayer of thanks that He has already accomplished it in you.
f. Pray for the other person.
When you can pray for God’s best for them then you are on your road to recovery. At Gethsemane, Jesus prayed for us. On the cross itself, Jesus spoke and prayed, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Steven while being stoned for preaching the Gospel, “knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.””
You will know God is working in you and making you like Jesus when you are able to pray for that other person.
