Unlocking your child’s potential
Proverbs 22:6
As you turn to this verse, let’s review some truths about proverbs. A proverb is not a given promise. It is an instruction of Godly wisdom. It is a principle that when generally applied brings about general results. It is often made up of 3 basic parts: instruction, wisdom, result(a warning or positive result).
Here are the 3 basic parts of this verse:
Train
Way
Not depart
Quote from Chuck Swindoll’s book You and Your Child . excellent book and best interpretation of this verse:
“Adapt the training of your child so that it is in keeping with his God-given characteristics and tendencies; when he comes to maturity, he will not depart from the training he has received.”
I.What is your child’s way?
Let’s begin with the way first. It will help us understand better the training command. The word “way” can also be interpreted as “bent.” The idea is this –how has God uniquely wired your child?
Always begin with your child’s uniqueness. That is where his or her potential lies. Let me give you a new definition of potential:
The fullness of God’s design based upon the “one of a kind” tapestry of traits and talents woven together specifically to accomplish the plan He designed for their life.
Psalm 139 combined with Ephesians 2: 8-10 provide the scriptural basis for this definition.
Every child is a unique person and full of God-given potential for a specific plan He has created for them. Remember that your role as a parent is to raise that child to walk with God. He wants to save them to walk in a path He designed just for them. No one can be a better Greg than me. I will reach my fullest expression of who I was meant to be when I walk with Jesus and land in that path He made me for before I was formed by Him in my mother’s womb.
There are certain components to every person that are woven into a beautiful tapestry. They can be identified using certain methods. You need to be aware of these and use them to learn and understand your unique and wonderful child.
I am going to identify these for you, but do not have time to go into detail on in any particular one. They are all found in most of the literature I have recommended to you. This is simply intended to give you an overview of training.
Method 1: personality traits
Sanguine
Choleric
Melancholy
Phlegmatic
Method 2:
Learning styles: auditory
Kinesthetic(hands on)
Visual
Method 3:
* love language (communication style)
* talents/aptitudes
These form the essence of his or her personality.
Training requires you to use 4 basic functions in interacting with your child as you train. All of these methods of understanding your child will be useful in many areas, but especially in these 4 basic functions because you repeat them every day in their training process.
Use their uniqueness in:
a. communication
One child in my house – sanguine. Had to learn how to get his attention. Needed to understand this personality type.
One child in my house – a visual learner, not auditory. So learn a different communication style.
My personality is passionate. My parents at times were good about focusing that passion; at times they were not. I’m very relational as well. For example, I was interested in becoming a lawyer. My dad, when I was 16, started having lawyer friends take me out to lunch, tour their offices, etc. Because I am relational in my approach to life, this was very effective in motivation me in school, helping me seek God’s direction, creating a framework for discussion w/ Dad as he guided me, etc.
b. training
Use their aptitudes and learning styles to train them. Example: auditory learner, music aptitude? Then get them involved in music ministry. Focus on band, etc. My brother – an area of aptitude for him and they used to develop self-confidence and growth. My folks are not particularly musical but recognized a heritage of that in our family tree and so investigated that in us and used it to great effect for him.
Janet(wife) was adopted. Only information they had was the teenage birth mother had an aptitude in music. Her parents used that in her life to great effect as well.
Be careful to find true aptitudes though. For example, do you have an athletic child? Really or is that your desire?
Major problem today: You rush around having your child do everything. Terrible!!!! How can you utilize areas of aptitude if you do everything and just drive around in the car all day? You need to learn to focus on what they do and who they are. Make sure it is them and not what you want them to be for you.
c. discipline
For example, cholerics and sanguines are different. You must break the spirit of a choleric to make them teachable. They think they know everything and can run the house better than you. If you discipline a sanguine that way you will crush them. You will create fear and resentment with them. A melancholy needs discipline, but then you have to return quickly and encourage them or they will struggle. Where a choleric child is focused by challenge, a melancholy child is focused by encouragement.
d. “exciting” your child
In order for your child to reach out and strive for all God has for them, you must encourage them in the way that is effective for them. You must also ignite a fire and passion for them. We live in a passionless, mediocre world today. People are just “emailing in” their lives from the couch. Your child will do that unless you stoke the fires of growth in them.
II. How do you biblically train your child?
There are several activities which are helpful in training your child.
a. Observe
You must watch your child and interact with your child. “Go to school” on your child. At times they will be open with you and at times not. Turn off the tv and come home from work with some energy and focus left. How can you train according to their bent if you do not know what that is?
NOTE: YOUR CHILD IS DIFFERENT THAN YOU. YOU CANNOT DO WHAT YOUR PARETNS DID OR REACT AGAINST WHAT THEY DID YOU HATED BECAUSE YOUR CHILD IS DIFFERENT. OBSERVE WHAT GOD MADE THEM TO BE.
Some of the best conversations with Janet occur watching our children. We love to just observe them. As they were younger, we would just sit and watch how they learned. The fascinating thing was how different they are. From the same 2 parents come night and day.
Watch them play. Do their homework with them. Find games and puzzles to do with them.
As they grow older, their personalities expand but also become more defined. Their sense of individuality is developed. They will change as they grow. You must never stop observing and learning about your child.
b. Learn
This is also one of the 2 greatest mistakes.
We are ignorant and lazy as parents. Please do not get frustrated or mad at me. Remember our failure rate in the church. We are losing 8 out of 10 church kids by the time they turn 19. How can we be doing this well if we are losing 8 out of 10.?!
You study and learn golf, quilting, antiquing, cooking, hunting, and work. Yet the most important thing we will ever do – train our children- we do not study to become experts? Especially in the world outside the church. Parents just adopt what they see and hear from the world. Education philosophy in today’s world is broken and messed up. Do not discipline, how a child’s esteem is developed, etc. All bad. Started with Dr Spock and then went downhill from there.
Yet, for today’s parents there are more resources than ever before. These books we give you guide you through God’s Word. Focus on the family and Family Life Today(right here in Ark.) are awesome resources.
How much time do you spend learning? How many parenting books do you read? “Oh, I’m not a reader.” Hear me clearly – if you are a lazy and disengaged parent, you are killing your children. I hope that was clear enough.
Learning never stops. I’ve started a new round of parenting books on teenagers and on raising sons and daughters. We never stop learning.
If one of you does not like to read, then the reader – find and highlight. Janet used to do that for me. Read it to them on trips in the car. Have coffee together and discuss it. Highlight the important page and ask them to read only that.
c. Experiment
Try things.
Design events.
Use things like chores around the house, different incentives.
Get creative. Find something new.
Ask your friends what they do for a certain situation. I’m watching dads with teenage daughters that I respect to try some of the things they do. This is a benefit of being in Sunday school. Spend time with other couples learning and finding out what works in their house with their kids. Share with them what you are doing.
d. Plan (each stage of life)
Do you have a plan for each child? Do you have a list of goals and desires that you want them to know and learn? If not, then shame on you.
We spend a lot of time planning our finances. If you do no, then you know you will end up broke. Why then do we ignore planning for our children’s growth so they do not end up morally and spiritually bankrupt?
We plan for our kids almost every year. We plan for things like birthdays that are major milestones. We plan for times like their 4-6 grade years when they are most open to spiritual things. We have planned and made goals regarding the discipline of a quiet time for them for example.
How can you not plan out the most important thing you will ever do – parent?
e. Focus
Training in this proverb speaks of an expert doing what an expert does. It is done with exacting precision and attention to detail. You cannot haphazardly train a child. You may haphazardly watch one grow up –but not train one.
It takes energy to train a child. It takes focus and a ruthless set of priorities. Training speaks of a process and end goal. You cannot do this without carving time out of your life to focus on parental training.
Today folks are just too busy to train. They may have the desire, but they are not willing to focus the time, energy, and resources to do so.
Focus also means you are working specifically on training itself. Lots of well-meaning parents focus on giving their kids love. They focus on giving them a good time. But what activates the promise of this proverb?
It is training. Focus on that. Joy, fun, and love are in training as well. But the converse is NOT true.
III. What is the result?
Your child will not depart from their training when they are old. While this is not a promise, it is the result of training according to your child’s unique, God-designed bent.
Will your kids be more likely to love church if left to their own devices or if they are trained?
Will your child be more or less likely to walk with God if you plan out how to teach them to have a quiet time and then creatively experiment with ways to “excite” them about learning about the Lord Jesus?
Let me close with this question. If this is the result of training. When do you know that you have trained enough? When are you willing to say “Self, we’ve trained enough and I am comfortable with not training anymore because I am confident they get it?
Many folks today are not getting the result because they are not really training. God gives you this result as a way to motivate you and focus you on the prize – a child who grows up to walk with Jesus.
Transition to invitation
