J.B./J.M. Wedding Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 “Better Together”
February 18, 2006 Beaver Creek Lutheran Church, Forest City, IA (ELCM)
Rev. David R. Zachrich, D.Min & Rev. Paul Cain, credit
God said it first, at the time of creation, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). Many years later, King Solomon repeated the same sentiment in the words of our text, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Strength like that is exactly what you seek as you begin your life together. It is the kind of strength we all seek in our families and friendships. It is a strength God wants to give us so that our marriages are strong and enduring. Unfortunately, it is a strength that is not always seen because of the sin of selfishness which separates us from God and from each other.
It isn’t always easy to give willingly of ourselves for someone else. Our nature tempts us to look after ourselves, to assert our own rights, to seek our own needs. I always laugh, for example, about a couple—not unlike other couples here today—as they anticipated their life together. Sue was certain Sam would make a wonderful husband, especially after she met his parents. “They’re so nice to each other,” Sue remarked. “It’s great how your dad brings your mom coffee in bed every morning!” On the first morning after their wedding, Sue again mentioned Sam’s father’s habit of bringing his wife coffee in bed. She asked with a smile, “Does this trait run in the family?” “It sure does,” Sam answered with a smile of his own, “and I take after my mom!”
In the sense of serving ourselves first, we all take after our spiritual parents, Adam and Eve. But God has promised wonderful blessings if we, by faith, take after his Son, Jesus Christ.
To find strength, companionship, and joy in your marriage, let the following principles from God’s Word guide you.
Down, but Not Out
Solomon began this portion of Scripture by noting, “Two . . . have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”
Billy Graham has often spoken about his in-laws, Nelson and Virginia Bell, noting that they had a beautiful and lengthy marriage. As the years passed and their health began to change, Ruth Graham one day entered her parents’ home to find her father on his hands and knees putting shoes and stockings on his wife. He looked up at his daughter and said with deep affection, “You know, the greatest privilege of my life is taking care of your mother” (Marriage Partnership, vol 9, no 4, p 14).
There will be times in your marriage when you will be “down”—emotionally, physically, financially—but you will never be “out”; that is, unable to stand again, because you will, in love, lift each other love as God, through Christ, has done for you.
Cold, but Warming Up
Yes, when we are together in marriage, there is someone to lift us when we fall and, Solomon continued, to warm us when we are cold. “If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”
Solomon is reminding us of more than being cold because our spouse has tugged the blanket to his or her side of the bed. He wants us to recognize the importance of sharing for the deepening of our relationship. Success in marriage does not depend on finding the right person, but on being the right person. Jesus encourages us with his words, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (Jn 15:13). And that is exactly how he loved us. He gave his life for ours when he died on the cross to take away our sins, including the sin of excessive self-love. One result of his resurrection is that we are enabled to share ourselves and all that we have with each other. When we do, no one is left out in the cold.
Under Attack, but Not Overwhelmed
When we are together in marriage, there is someone to lift us when we fall and warm us when we are cold. There is also someone to help us overcome when we are under attack. Solomon added, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.”
Yes, there is strength in numbers, be it husband and wife or two good friends. To make the point, Martin Luther once explained that when a wise father felt that death was near, he summoned his children together and gave them a bundle of sticks to break. None of the children could break the sticks when they were together in the bundle, but when the father pulled the sticks apart, one at a time, the children could easily break them. In this way, Luther concluded, the father taught his children that their future would be secure if they stayed together and worked together (LW 15:69). There will be times when you will feel threatened, but by remaining together you will not be overwhelmed.
Woven Together Forever
When we are together in marriage, there is someone to lift us when we fall, warm us when we are cold, help us overcome when we are under attack, and, best of all, keep us together so that we cannot be pulled apart. Solomon concluded, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Husband, wife, Christ.
If you look casually, a rope appears to contain only two strands. But it is impossible to create a braid with only two strands. If the two could be put together at all, they would quickly unravel! It takes a third strand to give strength to the other two. The third person necessary for a strong marriage is Jesus Christ. Too often, in our busy schedules and in our society, this gets overlooked too much, and I hear things like “Pastor, we just don’t have the time for God or for the church.” Let me illustrate it for you this way. Our busy lives are like a big jar filled with rice. Our schedules are jam-packed full, just like grains of rice in a jar. Now if somewhere were to come up to you and give you a big project, lets say…a ping pong ball, how easy would it be to fit into that jar? You couldn’t do it! What if you had more than one ping pong ball to try to fit in the jar? Impossible right?
But, you see, it is possible to make time for God, for your family, for dates with your spouse, and the other things in your busy schedules. Let’s think outside of the box, or in this case, outside the jar. Empty the jar. Pour that rice into another container temporarily. Put the ping pong balls, your priorities, each other and Christ, into the jar first, and then pour in the rice. You’ll see that everything now fits!
Jeremiah and Jamie, I have really enjoyed meeting the two of you and getting to know you a little bit in the time we’ve spent together in preparing for this special day. I am honored that you have had me be the pastor to solemnize your marriage with this special service today. Although, as you and many of the people here today know, this is the first wedding I have officiated it, it has been my prayer throughout my preparations that today would be a day you will never forget. I want to leave you with something to remember from today and take with you as you enter into your new life together.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a Lutheran pastor in Germany during the time of the Nazi’s and World War II. He was imprisoned and later executed for participating in a failed plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. Pastor Bonhoeffer during his imprisonment was unable to perform a wedding for a couple in the congregation he was serving, so he wrote a sermon for them from his prison cell. And had it smuggled out. He wrote that it is not love that sustains the marriage, but the marriage that sustains your love for one another. Some wise words both from the text from Ecclesiastes and from Pastor Bonhoeffer to take with you.
As much as we love “they lived happily ever after” as endings to stories, life teaches us this isn’t always the case. Married life for the two of you will get hectic and crazy because of work, disagreements, expectations you bring into your marriage, and money, just to name a few obstacles. However, remember that third strand in your marriage, Christ. Remember the love He has for the two of you. He knows when we fall, when we are cold, when we are attacked. Because he loves us, he lifts us, warms us, and protects us so that we can do the same for each other. It is my hope and prayer that the two of you will remember these principles from God’s Word, and apply them in your lives for a lifetime of joy in your marriage! May God grant that to the two of you for Jesus sake. Amen.
And now may the peace of God, which passes all human understanding, guard our hearts and minds in true faith, until life everlasting. Amen.
