Straight talk about Sex – Common Myths about Sex
Gladstone Baptist Church – 21/8/05 pm
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she was old enough to ask the question, then she was old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the ’birds and the bees’. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
Tonight we are starting a 4 week series that I have entitled Straight Talk about Sex. I can’t remember the last time that I heard a message on sex preached – I’ve never preached on this topic before, but I think that this is perhaps the biggest challenge facing our young people today. Am I willing to have sex with someone I love? Am I abnormal if I haven’t had sex? How far is too far? These are questions that over the next couple of weeks, we want to try to answer because we care for you guys so much and want you to know the full story about sex.
In our society, we are absolutely bombarded with sex. Far, far, far more than were our Mums and Dads when they were our age. We encounter sex, or implied sexual relationships in most movies today – even PG movies. TV shows are full of people hopping in and out of relationships and the beds. Advertising every where is full of sexually suggestive images. There are calendars out of sexy firemen. You don’t have to be looking very hard to find pornography in the newsagents, in the bookshops, in the video stores, on the internet, on the TV.
Why does nearly everything around us exploit our sexuality? Because Sex sells. Guys, why do you think that when they are showing a 30 second trailer for a movie or TV show, they show girls with tight clothes and breasts hanging out and things like that? Why? Because they know that in 30 seconds if they can appeal to the male and show sexual images that a guy is going to say I’ve got to see that. What have they done? They don’t have your best interests in mind, they have your wallet in mind. They want you to go to the movie.
What we are constantly being bombarded with is the idea that sex is something that everyone is doing and that there are no limits on it. But I want to tell you over the next 4 weeks that you are not getting the full story. What your class mates, the media and the magazines are telling you is not the full truth.
Where do most people get their information about sex from?
One survey carried out in 2003 showed that the most useful source of sex information was
Magazines – 25%
Friends – 19%
Books – 13%
The Internet – 11%
Teachers – 8%
Parents – 7%
TV – 4%
Most of these sources don’t care about your health and wellbeing as a person. Do friends really care about you? Some might, but more often than not, peer pressure dominates any real care. Parents care, but depending on your parents, you might find that your Dad may thrust a book at you and say “read that and if you have any questions – ask your Mother!” Often parents find it difficult to talk about sex don’t they.
Even teachers – the mindset of the education department is that well – they are going to have sex anyway, so we might as well teach you how to have safe sex!! Here’s a condom and here’s a banana – here is how you put it on. Safe sex becomes defined as having sex without falling pregnant or not catching a STD. But there is so much more to having safe sex than that and this is why we are going to talk very frankly about this stuff over the next 4 weeks.
Next week we are going to look at what the Bible teaches about Sex. Because With respect to sex, either God knows what is best, or you know what is best. It is one or the other. And I encourage you to come and understand the boundaries that God has placed on sex and why he has placed them there. God has placed some boundaries on sex – not to be a party pooper, but to protect us. They are for our benefit and I really want you to understand why. You may be thinking – I think I am ready for sex now and I being in love is the only criteria. Okay – I still want you to come along. In fact, I’ll respect you tremendously if you think that way, yet still come along to listen and learn. Get all the facts and then make up your mind.
In 2 weeks time, Charlie is going to be talking about the differences between Guys and Girls with respect to relationships and sex. There are differences that we have to acknowledge and learn about, because these drive our attitudes towards sex and in fact our whole sexuality.
In 3 weeks time, I’ll look at the topic of “How far is too far?” and we’ll be talking very frankly that night and giving you some practical information to help you set some boundaries up to protect you.
Now I know that what we talk about over the next 4 weeks is going to raise a whole lot of questions and so on the last week, we are going to run a coffee shop after the service where we are going to have an open forum and answer some of your questions. Over the next 4 weeks, I am going to give you some slips of paper as you come in the door. These are for your questions. I want you to write down on them any questions you have – nothing is off limits here!!!! You are not going to shock us – don’t worry. You don’t need to put your name on them either. And then put them in the letter box, beside the church pigeon holes.
Okay. That’s enough for an introduction … For the rest of this evening, I want to be a myth buster. We’re going to look at 5 common Myths about Sex then discover the truths they are hiding …
Myth 1) God is DOWN ON SEX
Anyone who says that God is not for great sex, doesn’t know what they are talking about. God CREATED sex – for crying out loud. He could have created us so that we could reproduce another way – like shaking hands. You would go to welcome someone and - Woa – out pops another baby. But no, God created us Guys with a penis and you girls with a virgina and the two fit perfectly together. We were created different, yet perfectly matched for one purpose – for Sex …
Turn in your bible to Gen 1:
1:26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. [ I wonder what Adam’s first thought was when he woke up? Maybe it was something like this …
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
It is God who made the first man and woman and notice his first command to them – Be Fruitful and increase in number. Not only did he create something that we are physically attracted to, his very FIRST COMMAND to us as a couple was this – go and have sex and have it often. I think if Adam had 10 thumbs, they’d all be up at this point.
God is not down on sex – he created it, he commanded it and he DESIGNED IT TO BE ENJOYABLE for both men and women. He created men and women so that they would have orgasms – why? So they would enjoy sex. He gave women a clitoris – for the sole purpose of enjoyment – it doesn’t have any other purpose in this world but to make sex enjoyable. If you haven’t read Song of Solomon, you should – it paints glorious pictures of a man and a woman enjoying a sexual relationship. We might talk a bit about this next week.
God is not down on sex – he made it for our pleasure and to maximize its pleasure, but he set limits on it – not to spoil our fun, but to protect us from destroying ourselves. The limits God puts on sex is like a fence that is put at the top of a cliff to protect people. It is not there to spoil the view or to ruin your life. It is there to prevent you from slipping over the edge of the cliff and falling to your death. I think the first Myth about sex is busted – God is not down on Sex
Myth 2) Sex is Purely PHYSICAL
I want to show you a bit of slide show …
Some of you after watching that are thinking I’m a bit sick. Some of you are outraged that I would show pictures of animals having sex in church – But Why? This is what God intended them to do. This is what God created – it is good, it is amazing. We shouldn’t be ashamed of what God has created – God wasn’t. He said even naked humans were good in the Garden of Eden. We should be able to celebrate our creative God – Our world celebrates him every time there is a TV nature documentary – so should we.
But some of you were thinking when you were watching that – hang on, she was singing about love, but Love is more than sex!!! Why isn’t there any other pictures being shown apart from animals mating. Did that cross anyone’s mind. Great, because that is exactly what I wanted you to think. I showed you that clip because I want you to understand that just as love is not JUST SEX and Sex is not JUST PHYSICAL. Some of the animals having sex on that clip didn’t have very big brains at all. Any old dumb creature can have sex – it doesn’t take any brains at all. But sex is not just an instinctive act for human beings like it is for some animals. It is not just a physical act. It is a deeply EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL act between 2 people.
God created sex to be meaningful. If you’ve still got your bibles open, flick over one page to Gen 2:19. Here is the detailed account of the creation of Woman.
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
God designed men and women to come together to form one flesh. When you have sex, two people unite on an emotional and spiritual level – not just on a physical level. It is like if I got these two paper cutouts and glued them together. If you glue them together (and here is one I prepared earlier) and try to separate them, what is going to happen … You will damage them both.
When you invest yourself in another person on a spiritual level through sex and then you leave them to go onto another partner, the effect is pain, hurt and loss. You need to understand that your sexual decisions will create LIFE-LONG MEMORIES.
The most powerful sexual organ you have is not below the belt. It is in your mind. Sex is way too intimate to forget or shut out feelings, emotions, thoughts, situations. The things you do in bed will be there for life. The question I want to ask those of you who really care about your future is this, “What do you want to bring into your bedroom, into your sex life with your spouse for the rest of your life?” I know it’s hard to think future. But for most of you you’re going to spend a lot more time on that side of marriage than this side of it.
You know as long as I do, that memories of mistakes and events in your past haunt you. You don’t just forget them. So the things you do now, will be carried into your marriage. Do you want to be in bed with your husband or wife and replaying situations that you’re in right now? I don’t think so. Sex, right now, says I want to be gratified now. We don’t often think about the life-long memories that don’t go away. The media certainly doesn’t talk about these things that scar people’s minds. For them it is simple as boy meets girl, have a one night stand and then go their separate ways – happy. But life is not like that! Sex is just physical – Myth Busted.
Myth 3) Sex is NO BIG DEAL
Society, the media your friends and sometimes even parents try to tell you that Sex is no big deal. But that is a lie.
It is a bit like the Iraq war … It was Thursday 20th March 2003 that the first missile and bombing raids took place and almost instantly the news reporters were on the scene. Images of the war were everywhere. It was front page news, It was in every magazine, video footage was running over and over and over again. Everyone was talking about it and it was a BIG Deal. We were saturated with it and we were interested to know the progress of the battle, what was happening, who was dying, what decisions were being made. But a few months later – after being completely saturated by it, it was no longer a big deal. It was old news – it was normal and we no longer interested in who was dying. The war was still a big deal – people were still dying. The battle was just as intense, but we weren’t interested – why? Because we had been saturated by it
This is exactly like sex – we have been so inundated with sex and sexuality that we have begun to think it is no big deal. But it is.
The sad thing is that most people are tricked into thinking that they know all there is to know about sex. They might have a lot of knowledge, but knowledge doesn’t bring wisdom. With regard to sex, people have HIGH KNOWLEDGE, but LOW WISDOM about what to do with sex. This is why so many people get into trouble. Bill Clinton – had alot of knowledge about sex but very low wisdom. Warnie – has a lot of knowledge about sex, but very little wisdom about sex – and about many things some would argue.
The truth of the matter is that Sex is a big deal because it has LIFE LONG CONSEQUENCES. We’ve already talked about the life long memories that people carry with them. But what about other consequences. What have been the consequences of Warne’s affairs? Divorce. He is going to have to live with that for the rest of his life. But there are other consequences …
Unwanted pregnancies – Oh that is not going to happen to me you say. Oh yeh! Did you know that in 2001 in Queensland alone there were 2319 abortions by girls aged between 15-19 according to medicare records. From the Bureau of statistics figures, there were 122,000 girls aged between 15-19. So this is nearly 2% of girls. 2 out of every 100 had an abortion that year. Another 2% had babies. That is 4% - 1 out of every 25 fell pregnant. But is even worse than this when you dig deeper
Statistics also show that 25% of year 10 students have had sex before and that number rises to 50% for year 12 students (Third National Survey of Secondary Students and Sexual Health – 2004) and of these students, an average of 44% did not use condoms during sex. So actually the numbers of girls having sex who are getting pregnant is close to 10% (nearly 1 in 10).
Despite all the best intentions, when the crunch comes, people don’t practice safe sex and the result is often an unwanted pregnancy. Young people – don’t think it won’t happen to you – there are plenty of people who have said that in the past only to have to painfully eat their words
Girls are you ready to get pregnant and then either abort that baby or carry it through to term?
Guy are you ready to financially support a baby for the next 18 years or pay child support – that could cost you close to $100,000 over 18 years if you were to earn just $36000. Much more if you earned more. I think It is interesting that God says people who have sex should leave and cleave. That’s what Gen 2 … 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Those who want to have sex, should first of all be old enough to leave their parents and support themselves. If you can’t support yourself, your wife and a baby, don’t have sex. It is simple.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
You don’t hear about STDs or STI’s as they are now called, but HIV / AIDS, Clyamydia (In Australia – 70% of infections are in women below the age of 25 years and this virus has a 1 in 4 chance of making you girls infertile), Gonorrhoea, Herpes (no cure) and Human Papilloma Virus (no cure) are still active.
STD’s are diseases that propogate because people do not practice abstinence. If people stayed within God’s limits, there would not be any STDs to worry about, but because we’ve stepped outside the limits, thinking we know best, we have fallen and plenty of people are getting hurt.
So what about the myth that Sex is no big Deal – that myth is busted.
Myth 4) Everyone is Doing it
The statistic I quoted before … said that 50% of year 12 students had had sexual intercourse. That’s a negative. But on the positive side – 50% haven’t. 50% are virgins when they graduate. The media tricks us into thinking that everyone is doing it. If you don’t you are not normal. But that is not correct. Plenty of people out there are practicing abstinence. We need to stop from time to time and evaluate what we accept as BEING NORMAL.
We also need to evaluate what we see as healthy. The abuse of sex is not healthy. It destroys relationships. But God created sex and wants us to enjoy it in a way that promotes it.
1 Thes. 4:1-7 One final word, friends. We ask you—urge is more like it—that you keep on doing what we told you to do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living, spirited dance. 2You know the guidelines we laid out for you from the Master Jesus. 3God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity. 4Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, 5not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God. … 7God hasn’t invited us into a disorderly, unkempt life but into something holy and beautiful—as beautiful on the inside as the outside.
“Everyone is doing it, so it is okay” is what society wants you to think – but that is a lie. That myth is busted.
Myth 5) It is impossible to remain pure
People say what am I supposed to do if I’m supposed to wait until marriage? How on earth can I remain pure? We are going to talk about this a lot more in the next couple of weeks, but Is it impossible to stay pure? No its not impossible. You don’t need sex to LIVE. I mean, nobody has ever died of not having sex. You don’t see people crawling on the sidewalk moaning , “I need sex, I need sex.” Some of you girls are thinking, that’s how my boyfriend acts sometimes. You need oxygen, air, water, and food to live – not sex. It’s not impossible to be pure.
Some of you are thinking – remaining pure – How can I stop thinking about sex? Look, having thoughts about the opposite sex or even the same sex is not wrong. Guys, you can understand me when I say that we see a good looking girl (it doesn’t even have to be a stunningly beautiful girl) and we are thinking about sex. Some studies have shown that a guys have a sexual thought every 15 seconds. Charlie will talk about this a heap more in a couple of weeks. No matter what you are thinking – there is HOPE. Some of you are struggling with TEMPTATION and a sex focused mind – there is hope to HELP COMBAT it . Some of you think you have blown it and it is too late anyway - I’m no longer a virgin!! No its never to late to start living a pure life. There is hope. God offers FORGIVENESS FOR PAST MISTAKES and he also offers HEALING FOR OUR HURTS and in the next couple of weeks I’m going to be talking more about the hope that God gives – this help, forgiveness and healing that Jesus offers. So until then, you’ll have to trust me that this Myth is busted also.
Don’t be fooled into accepting the myths about sex that are everywhere in this world. It is not impossible to live a pure life, you are not the only one that is living with boundaries, Sex is a big deal, because god created it that way, it is far more than physical stimulation and God loves sex – but only when it is enjoyed within the limits he defines for it.
I want to encourage you to come along next week when we start to dig into the Bible to see what God’s attitude to Sex is. I think you might be surprised to find out that God wants you to have great sex within the limits he provides. Let’s pray.
