Now that winter is moving in, we will begin to enjoy the host of activities that come with the snow and cold weather: skiing, tobogganing, ice skating, and snowball fights, to name a few. But there is another activity that captures the interests of many during the winter months, and that is seeing if your tongue will stick to cold metal. Have any of you done that before? If you grew up anywhere cold, I’m sure you’ve either tried it, or seen someone try it.
My dad told me a story about something that happened when he was in High School. On one of the colder days, he says, there was a group of guys hanging out on the football field. As they talked, a couple of the guys looked over at the football goal post and wondered aloud what would happen if someone stuck their tongue to it. After a few minutes of discussion, one of the guys dared the others to stick their tongues to the post. And so they did. No sooner had they stuck their tongues to the goal post than the bell rang, and the other guy ran off to class. So here were half a dozen guys all lined up, their tongues stuck to the frozen metal, writhing in pain, until a teacher came out with a cup of hot water to free them from their predicament.
As I think about it, though, the thing that I find funny is that I ended up doing the same thing. A friend and I were outside in my back yard one chilly afternoon, and for some reason, we both decided to stick our tongues out and lick the metal railing on the deck. And sure enough, our tongues stuck. Only there was no one with a cup of hot water to free us, and we had to suffer the pain of pulling our tongues away. Let me tell you, I never did that again. Not that winter anyway….
It’s amazing what trouble our tongues will get us into. And I’m talking about more than just sticking it to a frozen piece of metal (which, by the way, I don’t recommend, and I don’t want anyone saying I told them to do.) Someone once said that the tongue should be classified as a dangerous weapon. And if you stop to think about it, it’s true: more damage is done by the words we speak, than perhaps by any other method.
In order to uncover the processes that destroy unions, marital researchers study couples over the course of years, and even decades, and retrace the star-crossed steps of those who have split up back to their wedding day. What they have discovered is unsettling. None of the factors one would guess might predict a couple’s durability actually does: not how in love a newlywed couple say they are; how much affection they exchange; how much they fight or what they fight about. In fact, couples who will endure and those who won’t look remarkably similar in the early days. Yet when psychologists Cliff Notarius of Catholic University and Howard Markman of the University of Denver studied newlyweds over the first decade of marriage, they found a very subtle but telling difference at the beginning of the relationships.
Among couples who would ultimately stay together, 5 out of every 100 comments made about each other were put-downs. Among couples who would later split, 10 of every 100 comments were insults. That gap magnified over the following decade, until couples heading downhill were flinging five times as many cruel and invalidating comments at each other as happy couples. “Hostile put-downs act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time,” says Notarius, who with Markman co-authored the book We Can Work It Out. “In the end, relentless unremitting negativity takes control and the couple can’t get through a week without major blowups.”
God recognised the potential of the tongue. Notice what His Word tells us, in the book of Proverbs, chapter 18 and verses 20 and 21…
Have you ever stopped to think of just how much of an impact your words can have on an individual, either for the good or for the bad? Remember what we just learned about the power of words in marriage: if even only ten out of 100 comments made are negative, the relationship can be headed for disaster. Only 10! When we understand the significance of our words, the power of our tongues, we must take pause and think about how much damage we’re doing to those around us.
This message, though, is not to focus on the negative power of words, but the positive. So turn with me please, now, to the 25th chapter of Proverbs, and let’s look at verse 11…. We have the power, with our words, to reveal the love of God to another – a love as beautiful and striking as golden coloured apples in a silver setting.
Our study this morning is on uplifting words. Last week we talked about the power of a loving touch given to another – of how a handshake, a hug, a hand on the shoulder, can make such a difference. And perhaps in a more powerful way, our words, too, can have a profound impact on those with whom we come in contact. Proverbs chapter 12, verse 25 tells us, “Anxiety in the heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.” With a word, we can bring cheer. With a word, we can inspire. With a word, we can show someone the love of God, and encourage them to embrace or keep on in the faith of Jesus. The book of Proverbs is filled with verses about the power of the tongue and words. For that matter, you will find references to the tongue, mouth, and words throughout the Bible.
Notice, for example, what Jesus said about the use of our mouth. Look with me, please, at Matthew 15. Here, Jesus and His disciples are accused of being defiled because they did not wash their hands when they ate. Now take note of what Jesus said in response in verse 11…. What did He mean by this? Verses 18 and 19 give us the answer…. It is what comes out of our mouths – that is, our words – that reveals the true nature of our heart – our true characters. There may be some smooth talkers out there – people whom Jesus describes in verse 8 as those who honour Him with their lips but not with their hearts; but in the end, their very words will be their undoing. Friends, as followers of Jesus, we are told that what is in our heart and what comes out of our mouth should be the same thing. If we have the love of God in our hearts, our words should – indeed, our words must – reflect that love toward others. And there are several ways our words can be used to show others we love and care about them.
Perhaps the best verse in the Bible about how a Christian should speak is found in the book of Ephesians, chapter 4 and verse 29….
As Christians – as those who have the love of Christ in our hearts – the words we speak are to be for the purpose of encouraging others. To encourage means “to inspire courage.” There are many who come to church from week to week, who don’t really have a courageous, faith-filled walk with Jesus. Perhaps the burdens of life are overwhelming them; perhaps they’ve never truly understood what it means to walk with the Lord. And yet they come from Sabbath to Sabbath. Why? Because they are craving a word of encouragement, and they feel this is the place to get it. And indeed, as we read in Ephesians, this is the place we should be getting it. Ephesians 4 verse 24 tells us that we are to lay aside falsehood, and instead speak truth to everyone. Why? Because we are all part the body of Christ. We’re all headed in the same direction, and we all need one another to get there.
Or let’s bring it down to a more practical level. Turn with me to 1st Corinthians chapter 12, and read with me starting at verse 27….
Brothers and sisters, there are dozens of people in this congregation this morning, who have untapped potential in one or more areas of life – potential that is just waiting for a word of encouragement to fan it to full flame. So often we feel that ministry is all about giving Bible studies, or preaching, or going overseas as a missionary. But in the Word of God we are told that in the Body of Christ, no gift is too small to have an impact for the kingdom. So why is it, then, that we have so many people who just come to fill a pew? The more I study the Scriptures, the more I am convinced that each one of us has a calling to ministry, whether it’s organizing social events, or greeting people as they come to worship, or speaking a word of encouragement to another. Each one of us is in the body of Christ so that we can grow. God has called each one of us to grow one another by speaking words that will build each other up.
What does all of this have to do with love? Encouragement does not come easy. It requires empathy; it requires sympathy; it requires seeing the world from the other person’s perspective. It requires seeing them through the eyes of Jesus. Jesus was the greatest Encourager that ever lived on earth. As we read the Gospels, we see Him encouraging the disciples in their fledgling faith. And what an impact His words had on them. The arrogant and impulsive Peter became the firm and fiery preacher. Matthew the outcast became a bold witness for His Lord. The boisterous John, who was filled with hatred toward those he believed to be his enemies, became the writer of the Gospel and three letters after his name, all of which centre around this remarkable love of God. If we are to speak genuine words of encouragement – if we are to really build one another up – we must allow this love to permeate our hearts, for only then can it pour from our lips.
There is another way in which our words can build another up – words of affirmation. Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are a powerful communicator of love. Not only do they let know how you feel about them, they can also be a powerful motivator.
I’m reminded of a story I read awhile back. It was written by a woman who was telling of a husband who was notorious for his critical, nagging statements toward his wife and daughter. He would chastise his wife for failing to keep an accurate record in the chequebook, being late with meals and not always keeping up with the housework. Until one day, something changed. One evening, out of the blue, this husband walked into the kitchen where his wife was doing the dishes, kissed her on the cheek, and said to her, “Honey, I was just going through the chequebook, and I noticed you recorded five of the last ten cheques correctly. I just wanted to thank you for doing that.” He then went back into the office, leaving his wife standing there, dumbfounded. He also began complimenting her in the other areas as well – how she prepared such wonderful meals and worked so hard at keeping the house clean.
The wife couldn’t figure out what was going on, but over time she began to notice something else. For one, when she wrote out a cheque, she found herself double-checking the number to record it correctly. She also found herself looking forward to having dinner with her husband, and actually wanted to make sure the house was clean each day.
The article concludes with the woman asking, “What happened to this man? I don’t know, and I’m not going to ask. But what I do know is this: I’m a different wife because of it. You see, that man was my husband.”
Now, I am not for a moment suggesting that we use cheap verbal flattery to manipulate others into doing what we want. But what I am talking about is sharing honest, genuine statements of affirmation out of a sincere appreciation for others.
As the old saying goes, you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. And yet how often, instead of verbally supporting those who serve us in the body of Christ, do we tear them down? You know, I can tell you what some of you had for Sabbath dinner last week after church. I can tell you that after church, many of you went home, and as you sat down to your meal, you had roasted pastor, with a side of grilled Sabbath School teacher, sprinkled with toasted praise team and topped off with shredded deacon or elder, depending on your preference. How many toes am I stepping on? Oh yes, we love to criticise those serving us. It’s a small wonder that when it comes time for Nominating Committee, we have such a hard time finding leaders. Whoever said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was obviously never in a position of service. We drag down the body of Christ when we criticise the leadership. We hurt the body of Christ when we speak maliciously about those serving us. We bring dishonour upon the name of Christ when we besmirch those He has appointed to minister to His people. Oh, brothers and sisters there is a need today, for a radical change in the way we talk to, and talk about, one another.
Now let me ask you, what would happen to the emotional and spiritual climate of this church family if we started hearing words of affirmation and encouragement from each other on a regular basis? Let me tell you what would happen. Like the disciples of old, there would be radical transformation in the church. Where we now struggle to find leaders, we would have dozens lined up to serve; where we now have one or two doing the work, there would be scores; where we now have fifteen or twenty new members, there would be hundreds flocking to the body of Christ. I want to be a part of that, don’t you? It is possible, friends, to be a part of the transformation. Do you want to know how?
It all starts with a relationship with Jesus Christ. Now I know that sounds cliché, but let me make it clear: you cannot – can not – make a difference for the kingdom of God if you don’t have the love of Jesus in your heart. You can say all the right words, and be supportive and encouraging all you want. But if it doesn’t come from a heart that has been transformed by the power of the indwelling Saviour, then Scripture tells us our words are nothing more than a noisy trumpet or crashing cymbal –they’re just noise. And so, friends, we need the love of Jesus. Do you have it today? Do you want it? It’s there for you, you know. And once you have it, you will never be the same. Once you let it flow through you, the words you speak will transform a world crying out for a sense of affirmation, a sense of being appreciated, a sense of being loved.
A few years ago Reader’s Digest printed the story of a remarkable Junior High math teacher. One Friday afternoon she asked her students at St. Mary’s School in Morris, Minnesota, to list the names of all the other students in the class, leaving a space between the names. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. At the end of the period she collected these sheets and over the weekend, she wrote the name of each student on a separate sheet and listed what everyone had said about that person. On Monday, she gave each student their list.
As they began reading, they started whispering to each other, “I never knew that meant anything to anyone.” Or, “I didn’t know others liked me so much.” The papers were never discussed in class, but the teacher knew the exercise was a success because it gave her students such a positive feeling about themselves.
Several years later, one of those students, Mark Eklund, was killed in Vietnam. After his body was returned to Minnesota, most of his classmates, along with the math teacher, attended the funeral. At the luncheon after the service, the father of the young man said to the teacher, “I want to show you something,” and took a wallet out of his pocket. “They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.” Opening the billfold, he removed two worn sheets of notebook paper which had been taped, folded, and refolded many times. It was the list of good things Mark’s classmates had written about him.
“Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother told the teacher. “As you can see, our son treasured it.” One by one, Mark’s classmates began to reveal that each of them still had their sheet and that they read it often.
Such a simple thing, yet it made such a deep impression on each person.
Friends, Scripture tells us that our words have the power to bring life or death – in our friendships, in our marriages, in our relationships with our children, in the body of Christ. Today, the Word of God challenges us to make our words life-giving, life-changing words.
(Appeal & prayer)
