DRAMA: “Extreme Love”
I hope you have an extreme love for your kids - a love that even makes you a crybaby at times. That’s o.k. because kids are special. This morning, let’s talk about raising these special kids. It’s a big job, but, parents, you’ve got to do it.
As we continue making over our homes, let’s walk into our kid’s room and do some remodeling. Do we have a plan? You bet! God’s word meets us right where we are. Turn to Psalm 127:3-5.
Psalm 127 does not give us so much a way to makeover our children’s rooms as it gives us some truths to remember as we do so. Let’s encounter this text together:
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate (Psalm 127:3-5).
I see at least three truths in these three verses:
First, parents are to be dedicated (v. 3).
Verse 3 clearly states that children are a blessing to parents from God.
Some people have selfish attitudes about life. Instead of seeing children as a blessing, they see them as a burden. Some might say, “Children are so expensive! If I have children or if I have more than one or two, I might not be able to drive the kind of car I want to drive.” Or they might say, “Kids tie you down so much. Where would my freedom go?” You may be like this. I admit that a couple of years ago I was right there too. But I’ve realized the instruction of God’s word, which says children are not a burden, they are a blessing. Therefore, if your family is blessed with children, then you have received a tremendous blessing. And as Jesus said in Luke 12:48, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” If you have the blessing of children, you are called to a high task. Therefore, you must be dedicated. But to what are you to be dedicated?
First, you must be dedicated to the Lord.
Why? Because you will do a terrible job of raising your kids if you try to do so on your own! Dedicate yourself to the Father of Fathers first, and He will give you the things you need to care for you children.
Each time you fly on a commercial airplane, you’ll hear a little spiel that almost anyone who flies can recite. “In the unlikely event that we should lose cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop in front of you. Place the mask securely over your nose and pull firmly to activate the flow of oxygen. If you are traveling with a child, place the mask over your face first, and then proceed to place a mask over your child.” It’s a nice speech but it goes against our nature. Parents tend to think they must take care of their children first. Yet the airline instructs, “Take care of yourself first.” Their reasoning is simple; our children depend on us. If we don’t receive the breath of life to sustain us, we won’t be able to assist our children and both lives will be lost.
The spiritual connection is obvious. If we neglect the life-saving breath of God in our lives, then we will promote the spiritual destruction of both ourselves and our children. But if we will be dedicated to the Lord first, then we will have everything we need to raise up our children properly! So take a deep spiritual breath every day – your children are counting on it.
Second, parents must be dedicated to their children.
Why? Because you have the responsibility of raising them! Being dedicated to your children means you are set apart for them. You are devoted to raising them and raising them right.
Last weekend, Rebecca and I went to Louisiana for about 48 hours to spend some time with my brother and his family who were visiting my parents. My brother John is married and has two boys, John Lee who is a ninth grader and James who is a second grader. Ever since John Lee was born, John has been a dedicated father. Even though he was flying all over the world, working hard to climb the corporate ladder, John made time for his boys. The result of that dedication and relationship building is quite evident. John and his sons have one of the best father-son relationships I’ve seen. The ninth grader, John Lee, can confide in his dad, is interested to learn from his dad, and can even joke with his dad, but John Lee obviously respects and obeys his dad. James is developing those same traits. Is it easy for John to make time for his boys? No. He works hard and long at work and then comes home and works hard and long with his boys. But he did it and continues to do it because he knows it will pay off. And it has.
Mom and dad, spend quality time with your kids. Find things you both enjoy and do that. You may have to try out some different activities. Don’t just force your child to do the things you like to do; find something they enjoy as well.
Third, parents must be dedicated to the task the Lord has given them.
Why? Because it is the most important job you have and will ever have. And it can be either the most rewarding or devastating job as well.
With that brief thought, let’s move to our next major truth we find in Psalm 127. It has to do with the parental task.
Second, children are to be directed (v. 4).
God says that children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. A good warrior can do wonders with an arrow. If you’ve ever seen an old western movie, or Robin Hood, or maybe you’re a bow hunter, you know the skill and precision a true marksman must have. The trained warrior can launch an arrow with such precision as to hit a bulls-eye. The trained warrior can hit his target with the right arrow.
An arrow can be directed. You can shoot an arrow in whatever direction you choose. But after the arrow leaves the bow you can’t direct it very much can you? No, it is while the arrow is in your hand that you can prepare the arrow for its journey and then direct it.
In this passage you are the warrior, your child is the arrow. Like arrows, our children will go where we direct them. How do you direct your arrow? While they are still in your hand, you polish them, you point them, and you propel them.
First, arrows need to be polished.
When your child is born, they are not ready for shooting. They’re more in this stage (visual: crooked branch). You’ve got a lot of work to do. You try to shoot this thing, and it’s not going to do much. Unfortunately, many parents today shoot this and say, “Children need to be given a free reign to think and act and thus learn at an early age to make their own decision. This is the only way they can grow to their full potential.” Friends, that’s a lie from the enemy. Children do not automatically flourish. They need to be polished and honed into the arrows God intends for them to be. The nineteenth century abolitionist Frederick Douglas said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
How do you polish your arrow? You work hard on them. You do your best to pull off the leaves smooth down the snags, and straighten the bends. How? By loving on them in a warm and affectionate way BUT ALSO in a strong, life-directing way.
Again God is our best example. No one loves us more than God, but no one established clearer guidelines and consequences for breaking those guidelines than God. God describes His work in us with the image of a refiner’s fire. He loves us enough to melt us, skim the impurities off, and remold us into his image. That is a strong, life-directing love.
You’ve got to love your kids with more than affection. They need tough love as well. Keep this thought in mind: Love limits just as much as it permits.
The limits need to be firmly established. I’ve heard parents say, “Stop doing that, please.” And then the kid doesn’t stop. And so the parent says it again. And again. And again. I don’t understand that. If they are supposed to stop, they need to stop. If you’re child were running out into the road and a car was barreling down at them would you say, “Stop, please,” “stop, please,” “stop, please”? If you did, you’d be dealing with a dead kid! All those times you have to repeat yourself actually train your child to know that they don’t have to listen the first time. Therefore, every time they don’t respond to a less important “stop” you’re actually training them to not obey when a stronger “stop” is needed!
Arrows must be polished. And they’re polished through both warm, affectionate love and strong, life-directing love.
Second, arrows need to be pointed
Discipline is needed. When you place that arrow in the string and pull back, that arrow doesn’t get to go where it wants to go. It has one choice – to go where you point it – one trajectory, one target.
God is very clear about the need for discipline. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” If you’re not disciplining your child God says you don’t love them, you hate them. That’s strong stuff. But that’s because God knows the good that the rod of discipline brings. Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” A child’s natural tendency is not to follow the right path and to hit the bulls eye. The natural tendency is folly. But the rod of discipline helps mold and shape the child with BOTH that warm, affectionate love and that strong, life-changing love.
Discipline is a very good thing, sanctioned by God. Discipline directs children. In their book The Seduction of Our Children, Neil T. Anderson and Steve Russo explain the difference between punishment and discipline. They explain, “Punishment is past-oriented. Punishment is paying your child back for hurting you in some way. Punishment says, ‘You ruined my day, so I’m going to ruin yours.’ . . . Discipline is future-oriented. In Hebrews (12:11) we read, ‘All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”’We don’t punish our children for doing something; we discipline them so they won’t do it again. Discipline superintends future choices.”
Discipline is totally focused on the future – on directing your arrow where it is to go. “Discipline is training a child in mind and character to enable him to become a self-controlled, constructive member of society.” When you place that arrow in the bow, it doesn’t get to wiggle around on its own. It has an intended target.
If you don’t discipline your child, they have no direction. You’ve got to point them somewhere. That’s your job as the archer.
Third, Arrows need to be propelled
At some point, you’ve got to release. I think it starts slowly in the teen years. By then you should have the kids pretty well lined-out and in the bow ready for release, but you test them a bit. You release a little and see if they sag or if they stay straight. If they sag, you correct, if they stay straight you praise. Finally, there comes the point, often when they head off to college that you release . . . and pray.
You may say, “I’m so worried about what’s going to happen if I release!” Well, that’s why I call the kid’s room the place for testing. But if you’ve polished the arrow properly and you’ve directed it properly, then God promises something incredible.
He promises that “we will see them shot into life to our comfort and delight.”
That leads us to our third major truth this morning. If you are a dedicated parent and you direct your children in the right way, you can rest easy because . . .
Third, children can be dependable (v. 5).
What does verse 5 mean? It means that when your children are properly polished, pointed, and propelled, when they are set out from a home where there is dedication by parents who love one another, love God, and love their kids, those children are going to follow a godly trajectory and hit the bulls-eye.
Adrian Rogers says, “Your children are going out into a world where they will meet ungodly philosophies like materialism and communism, and the playboy philosophy. They are going to meet atheism and cultism. But they will not be put to shame. Why? Because they know who they are; they have something that has been built into them by mom and dad in the university of life called the home. You can depend on children like that.”
You know Proverbs 22:6, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” In families where there are dedicated parents and directed children, there will be dependable children.
But what about those times when it seems like a family is on target, but their kids seem to go hay-wire? I’m not totally sure what happens. But rest assure, God’s truth is truth. And remember this – you don’t know everything about that family. I would guess more times than not, there is inconsistency in the home. Someone once said, “Training a child to follow the straight and narrow way is easy for parents – all they have to do is lead the way.” In Proverbs 23:26, the father says, “My son, give me your heart and let your eyes keep to my ways.” Consistence is vital. We should all aim to be parents that our kids can look up to – no matter how tall they get. That takes hard work and discipline on our part, but that’s the responsibility of a parent.
And, parents, if you’re children do follow the right trajectory and hit the target, don’t be pious. Fall on your knees and thank God. You’ve been blessed. You might even say, “Why me, Lord?” And if you’re children haven’t gone where you hoped, it’s never too late for the wind of the Spirit to hit them and redirect them. Admit and repent of any inconsistencies in the past, keep praying, and watch what God can do. The verse does say, “When they are old they will not turn from it,” so you may still have time!
As we close, reflect upon a little proverb I was led to last night. The second half of Proverbs 17:6 says, “Parents are the pride of their children.” Think about that statement. It does not say, “Parents are the benefactors of their children.” It does not say, “Parents are the buddies of their children.” It says, “Parents are the pride of their children.”
Mom and dad, “Are you the pride of your children?” You might think of it this way, “Are your children as proud of you, as you are of them?” If you are a godly parent, who polishes, points, and propels them into life, I guarantee, they cannot help but be.
