When Olin and Claryce Merrett came in for the service Wednesday night, I gave my usual, “Hello,” and asked, “How are you doing, Olin?” Olin replied, “Pretty good, I guess. I’m still taking nourishment.”
We know a lot about nourishment these days. You can hardly watch television or read a magazine or newspaper without coming across all kinds of ads for better nourishment. Whether it is vitamin supplements or meal plans, everyone seems to be saying, “You need better nourishment. The right nourishment helps you make it through your day.”
That type of nourishment has to do with healthy eating. When you read the sermon title, you might think that’s what this message is about, but the focus of this sermon is not healthy eating. So if you had biscuits and gravy with fried potatoes and a side of bacon for breakfast, rest easy. You’re off the hook. The nourishment I am concerned about is not physical nourishment. It’s a different kind of nourishment. This nourishment does not come from any of the food groups, but it is the most important nourishment your family can have. But it too is nourishment that can help your family make it through the day. We will discover the most important nourishment for your family.
To make this discovery, let us look at a meal shared between Jesus and his disciples. I call it the last breakfast. The account is found in John 21.
Let’s set the scene. The disciples have been fishing all night but have caught nothing. Frustrated and bewildered the guys hear a man on shore yell, “Catch anything?” The disciples yell back, “No. We can’t find any.” The guy on shore yells back a tip, “Throw your nets on the other side of the boat and you will find some.” Desperate and willing to try anything, the disciples do so and pull in a boatload of fish.
John says to Peter, “That guy on shore - it is the Lord!” Peter wastes no time. He jumps out of the boat and heads toward Jesus, swimming (I guess). The disciples follow in the boat. I imagine Jesus has a big smile on His face and probably laughs as He sees the guys scrambling to get to Him.
When they get to shore, Jesus has built a fire and has prepared breakfast. The weary fishermen gather around the fire with Jesus and eat breakfast. Now let’s pick up the story at v. 15-17:
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."
Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."
The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.”
Before the passion of Christ, Peter had professed on two occasions his undying loyalty to Jesus. On one occasion he boasted of the “superiority of his loyalty” saying, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will” (Matt. 26:33). Then, at the Last Supper, Peter said, “I will lay down my life for you.” In his enthusiastic pride, Peter had thought he was more loyal than any of the other disciples. As it turned out, he was little more committed than Judas. When push can to shove, Peter got shoved! On the night Jesus was arrested, the brash, outspoken Peter became a scared kid. That night, as he stood around a fire of burning coals, Peter said:
“I do not know this man”
“I do NOT know this man”
“I DO NOT KNOW THIS MAN!” - denying the one for whom he said he
would lay down his life.
Now, around another fire of coals, Jesus confronts Peter. We might expect Jesus to be upset with Peter, to maybe even rebuke him, but there is none of that. The scene is solemn, but not tense.
With every man still around the fire, digesting his breakfast, Jesus addresses Peter. Did you notice how Jesus addresses him? I bet Peter did! Jesus did not use the friendly nickname that He had given. Rather, Jesus addressed Peter by his birth name, Simon son of John. The address suggests the solemnity of the occasion. It likely communicated to Peter, “I’m serious, listen up.” With everyone watching, Jesus wanted Peter to affirm his loyalty just as emphatically as he had earlier rejected it.
There is a strong correction in the first question: do you love me more than these? Do you love me more than these other disciples? No doubt Peter was reminded of his brash statement, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.” But he had. Now Jesus seems to say, “Think again. Are you sure?”
Now, there is a lot of good stuff in the questions Jesus asks and in the answers Peter gives, but I want us to focus on one thing today. Peter denied Jesus three times. And Jesus asks Peter, “Do you love me?” three times. Significant? Absolutely. Peter needed to hear himself say, “I love you” three times just as he had heard himself say, “I do not know him” three times. Peter needed to know that he was forgiven, that it was o.k. He could move on.
Peter’s ultimate response to the three questions is that of a repentant, resolved person, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” “Not only was [Peter] willing to confess complete loyalty with his lips, a relatively easy thing to do;” he was willing to be put under the penetrating gaze of Christ. “Lord, I’m telling you, ‘I love you,’ but look into my heart. You can see what’s there. You know my desire to follow you.”
And in His unique way, Jesus communicates to Peter, “Hey, man, you messed up – big time. But, it’s o.k. I’m going to use you – big time.” Jesus had been greatly wronged by Peter. Yet, He did not blow up at Peter. He did not write him off. He restored him.
How could Jesus do this? How could he keep from ringing Peter’s neck? He could do it because his life was well nourished. But it wasn’t the physical nourishment of fish and bread that did it. It was spiritual nourishment. The nourishment that helped Jesus to act as He did is the same nourishment your family needs. This nourishment is unconditional love.
Unconditional love is the most important nourishment for the family. That’s what it takes. If you want to makeover your home, start possessing and demonstrating unconditional love.
Unconditional love says, “I love you - period.” It says, “I love you no matter what.” It says, “I love you from the moment our relationship begins all the way until it ends.” It says, “I love you forever.” It says, “I love you even though I really know you.”
Do you have problems with your child? Love them unconditionally. Do you have problems with your spouse? Love them unconditionally.
Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. “I do not only want to get rid of him,” she said, “I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.”
Dr. Crane suggested a plan, “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will crush him.” With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!”
She went home and put the plan into action with enthusiasm. Acting “as if.” For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn’t return, Dr. Crane called, “Are you ready to go through with the divorce?” “Divorce?” she exclaimed. “Never! I discovered I really do love him.”
Unconditional love lived out in daily life will not only convince your family members that you love them but it will convince you that you love them! Unconditional love will provide the nourishment your family needs to get through the things that Satan, the great home wrecker, sends your way. Unconditional love is the most important nourishment for your family.
But where do we get this unconditional love?
We know where to get good physical nourishment. We talk to someone like Jo Knox or Charley Hott and get some fresh produce. But where do we get unconditional love? The same way - we talk to the person who has it – God.
Why is God the source for unconditional love? Because He had it first, modeled it for us, and offers it to us. 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” If God had not loved us, we would have no idea what true love is. Oh, I imagine we would have discovered erotic love and maybe even brotherly love, but we would not have discovered unconditional love. That’s just not in our nature. When someone wrongs us, we want to get even. But God’s nature is nothing like that. When someone wrongs God; God wants to make it right. God modeled unconditional love for us in sending His Son Jesus Christ so that we might become His children as well. 1 John 3:1 says, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” In spite of all the wrong we have done and still do, God loves us. And His love for us never changes. His love is unconditional.
To get this love, we need to receive this love God has for us. He offers it to us. All we must do is receive it. We might remind ourselves that 1 John 4:7-8 says, “Beloved, let us love one another for love is from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But he that does not love does not know God for God is love.” To truly love, you must be born of God and know God. Then you start to develop the mind and heart of Christ and you will be able to have unconditional love.
How do we nourish our family with that love?
God’s unconditional love for us began when He created us. He loved us from day one with an unconditional love. Romans says, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave.” God truly did love us first. To nourish your family with unconditional love, you have to develop that love from day one. Either from day one of a relationship or a new day one – like today. Unconditional love should start at the beginning of a relationship.
For spouses it begins when they promise to love and cherish in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for fat and skinny, clean socks or dirty socks, lasting beauty or fading beauty. Spouses say, “I promise to have unconditional love for you.”
Maybe you heard of the guy who fell in love with the opera singer. He hardly knew her, since his only view of the singer was through binoculars, from the third balcony. He was convinced he could live happily ever after married to a voice like that. He scarcely noticed that she was considerably older than he. Nor did he care that she walked with a limp. Her mezzo-soprano voice would take them through whatever might come. After a whirlwind romance and a hurry-up ceremony, they were off for their honeymoon. She began to prepare for their first night together. As he watched, his chin dropped to his chest. She plucked out her glass eye and plopped it into a container on the nightstand. She pulled off her wig, ripped off her fake eyelashes, yanked out her dentures, unstrapped her artificial leg, and smiled at him as she slipped off her glasses that hid her hearing aid. Stunned and horrified, he gasped, “For goodness sake, woman, sing, sing, SING!”
For spouses, unconditional love begins with “I do” no matter what is discovered later!
For parents, unconditional love begins at the moment a child is conceived. They promise to love that child forever through sickness and in health and through terrible twos and torrential teens. Parents must say, “I love you forever.”
A special children’s book is Love You Forever. This book tells the story of a boy and his mother beginning at day one. The story progresses through childhood, through adolescence, and through the boy’s adulthood. No matter how much of a zoo the house became the mother said, “I’ll love you forever. I’ll like you for always.” It was unconditional love, given simply. We nourish our families with unconditional love from day one until forever.
Why is unconditional love so important?
What kind of difference would it make in your family? There’s one huge difference: unconditional love allows every member of the family to be totally real.
Human love usually comes with strings attached. Many a child has grown up seeking the approval of his or her parents and never really getting it. Nothing is good enough. When the child excels the love lavishes, when the child fails the love vanishes. Many women struggle to maintain their youthful beauty because their beauty was what attracted their husband. When the beauty fades, the love fades, and John trades for a newer model.
But unconditional love is different. It loves for who the person is and who you know they can be. It says, “I love you for being you – warts and all – and I see what you can become.” That’s what Jesus communicates to Peter in the text. “Man, you messed up in a big way, but I can still use you in a bigger way.” Christian family experts Jack and Judith Balswick write, “Where unconditional love prevails, the family will live in an atmosphere of grace. Where there is grace, there is room for failure and the assurance that one will be forgiven and afforded the opportunity to try again.” I sense that in our text when Peter says, “You know everything. You know I love you.” Unconditional love allows for the masks to come off and for everyone to just be real. No matter how ugly that is.
The home should be the place where each family member is loved unconditionally, and where each member can count on that love even when he or she least deserves it. Where such unconditional love prevails, communication prevails. Spouses can talk to each other. Children can talk to their parents. Why? Because there is trust and commitment. Unconditional love allows that to happen. As Peter, we can say, “Look inside. You know me. Hear my heart. See my true motives.” And as Jesus we can look in, see the real, and talk about it.
But not only does communication prevail in the home where unconditional love is practiced, forgiveness prevails as well. Unconditional love helps the offender to truly be repentant and the offended to truly be forgiving. The result of Christ’s unconditional love for Peter was the return of unconditional love from Peter! It just works!
I hope you will commit today to nourish your home with unconditional love.
But you may have a problem doing that. It may be that you never received unconditional love in your family growing up, so you don’t know how to give unconditional love in your own family. Maybe your parents were the demanding types. They maximized your failures and minimized your successes. Maybe they didn’t demonstrate their love to you. Maybe they never demonstrated love for each other. And now you have your own family and you’re wondering, “What does unconditional love look like?”
Well, I hope today’s scriptural example helps. But there is something you can experience personally that will help even more. You need to experience ultimate unconditional love for yourself and then you will be able to feel lovable enough to give that kind of love. How can you experience unconditional love for yourself? You can do so by receiving God’s unconditional love for you. God loves you, has always loved you, and wants to give that love to you.
No matter what your past is like, your future is bright with God. He’s been waiting by the fire, waiting for you to see Him and run to Him. And He’s there holding out His love to you and asking, “Do you love me.” Friend, the Bible tells you that when you receive God’s love and return God’s love, you will gain a sense of self-worth and self-perception that you never thought possible. You will not only be able to receive unconditional love; you will be able to give it. You will be fully nourished and your family will be nourished.
And when you reply to a question like, “How are you doing?” with, “I’m still taking nourishment,” it will mean more than you still have a pulse. It will mean you’re more alive than ever, your family is more alive than ever, and our great God who provides that nourishment is more alive than ever in your home.
