Sermon Opener: Drama by Judi and Dave: “Choices” from 52 Dramatic Moments, p. 57.
Does that scene hit a little too close to home? Have you been there, done that, and have the scars to prove it? Maybe it was a terrible fight between you and your spouse. Maybe it was between you and your child. Maybe it was between you and your parent. You’ve suffered through your own kind of voice raising, slobber-slinging, door slamming fit – or “disagreement.” Perhaps the scene you just saw wasn’t that unlike something that happened in your home this week, and the stress over family problems is digging into your shoulders and wrenching your gut like great evil talons. And it is hard.
But hear this today: you are not alone. In fact, no matter how “good” our families are, I hope we will all agree this morning that none of our families are perfect. In one way or another, we all have imperfect families.
You know how I know that? Because every one of our families is made up of sinners. Our families are not perfect because we are not perfect. None of us here is perfect because none of us is sinless. If you think you are, just ask the person sitting beside you, and they’ll set you straight. It’s true: we all mess up.
Family life is a mess. One writer said, “Where two or three are gathered in one name, there will be spilt milk.”
Several years ago, while I was still living at home, my young nephew John was spending a few days with my parents. We had all sat down to a nice meal and were doing great when all of a sudden John’s milk went everywhere. My dad scolded John for making such a mess, really making a big deal out of it. Mom and I scrambled to clean up the mess, adding our own comments to John. We made it through the rest of that meal. Then the next meal rolled around. Once again, we all sat down to a nice meal and were doing great when all of a sudden iced tea went everywhere. John jumped back from the table screaming, “Not me! Not me!” and Dad turned red. His tea was everywhere. Mom made some comment like, “Hmm, gotta be careful when you fuss.” And we all cleaned up the mess.
Spilt milk happens. Family life is a mess. This is true even for believers. If you want proof, let’s walk quickly through sacred history for a moment and look over the shoulders of the families of the Bible.
We don’t get far in the Bible before we find some sacred families putting the dys in dysfunctional:
+ The jealousy of Adam’s son Cain motivated him to murder his brother Abel.
+ Noah got drunk. So did Lot, and as a result, his daughter’s committed incest with him.
+ Parental favoritism caused Abraham’s grandsons Jacob and Esau to spend most of their lives feuding with one another. Jacob’s two wives bartered with each other for the right to sleep with him at night. Later, when Jacob followed his parent’s example of favoritism, he so embittered his own children that they sold their brother Joseph into slavery.
+ David committed adultery and murder and was guilty of parental neglect. Because of this, his family disintegrated in a tragic sequence of events that included rape, incest and murder. + Even Jesus’ family, which could hardly be described as dysfunctional, had its problems. Jesus was ridiculed by His brothers and called mad by His extended family.
The list is a long and painful one. It includes husbands who were unfaithful to their wives, wives who abandoned their husbands, children who rebelled against their parents, and siblings who hated one another. Upon closer inspection, these families do not look so different from our own. Even when our sins are not as great as theirs are, the human suffering they produce is just as real.
So you’re not alone, I’m not alone. All of our families are imperfect. From the first family of the Bible to the newest family in our congregation – family life is a mess, spilt milk happens. This means all of our families could use improvement and most could use an extreme home makeover. Now, I don’t know that we can reach perfection in our families. However, just as we should seek perfection in our personal Christian walk, so we should seek perfection in our families. We may not get there, but, we should say, “As for me and my house, we’ll die trying.”
We should have this commitment because strong families are desperately needed in our church, in our community, and in our society today. Why? Because there are so few of them. Further, the breakdown of the Christian family is causing havoc in society today. We’re all messed up when it comes to love, marriage, and everything in between.
Studies indicate, “Since 1960, the number of couples getting married has declined by 1/3, while the number of couples getting divorced has more than doubled. In 1994, for the first time in American history, divorce replaced death as the principal cause of family dissolution.” A report released in May 2001 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicates that 43% of all first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years. 1/5 of those end within 5 years. The result? A mess. “Past research has shown that divorce is associated with a higher rate of mortality, more health problems, and more risky behaviors such as increased alcohol use.” The effect of divorce is felt in children as well. One landmark study indicates that 90% of children from divorced homes suffer from an acute sense of shock when the separation [occurs], including profound grieving and irrational fears. . . . Most significantly, 37% of the children were even more unhappy and dissatisfied 5 years after the divorce . . . . In other words, time did not heal their wounds.” Recent studies have also indicated that divorce is directly related to sexually promiscuous behavior during adolescence.
But sexual promiscuity is not only among teens dealing with raging hormones and crumbling families. We’re all messed up when it comes to love, marriage, & everything in between.
The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior estimates that “More than 1/3 of men and 1/4 of women admit having had at least one extramarital sexual experience.” A survey by the National Opinion Research Center found lower percentages: 25% of men had been unfaithful and 17% of women. However, even when these lower ratios are applied to the current adult population, that means that some 19 million husbands and 12 million wives had an affair.”
But it’s no wonder infidelity is everywhere. Infidelity is even becoming big business in prime-time. Piggy-backing the infidelity phenomenon, a new reality TV show is in the works that will focus on four or five couples who meet on a web-site specifically for people who are unfaithful to their spouses. Jane Lipsitz, co-producer of the show, said, “The sanctity of marriage is clearly a hot-button topic in today’s environment. Exploring the current state of love and commitment against the backdrop of our changing social landscape makes for a fascinating and daring unscripted drama.” Lipsitz credits the success of A.B.C.’s “Desperate Housewives” with paving the way for the new show.
On-line infidelity is increasing as well. One author estimates that 44 percent of husbands and 25 percent of wives have had on-line extramarital affairs. “Spouses today stray from their marriages through all sorts of Internet high jinks: pornographic pictures, sex chats, and Webcams.” One site catering to such things adds 4,000 members a day.
What is the result of the crumbling family – besides these sinful acts? Presently, we see that the marriage rate is down, while the divorce and abortion rates are up. Families are faltering. Some in our nation are considering a redefinition of marriage. And all of it is having devastating effect on our churches, our communities, and our society.
We might ask, “Why is the breakdown of the home having such incredible societal impact?” The answer is simple: The breakdown of the home is having so much impact because the home was created by God as the first and central sacred institution. Before he established the church, before he established religion, God created the home. In Genesis 2:24 God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh.” In Matthew 19:6 Jesus was speaking of a married couple when He said, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “The home is divine in its establishment. It was built by the Creator for the protection and development of [humanity’s] deepest physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual needs.” This is why the breakdown of the home has such devastating effects on society.
Because of the impact the home has on society, those of us who claim Christ must do the hard work to makeover our homes. Whether we just need to clean up some spilt milk or whether we need to curb the tide of infidelity, divorce, or pornography, we must work to make our homes strong. We must counter culture. We have a divine mandate. We have a divine responsibility.
But how do we start? Certainly, we have to admit there’s a problem. We know there’s a problem “out there” but we must get real and admit that there’s a problem “in here.” We need to sit down, realize where we are, and ask for help.
The television show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition begins with the story of why the family needs a home makeover. There’s usually some laughing at how pitiful things are and some crying over how hard the family is trying. The video often ends with “Help us, A.B.C.!”
And that’s where we all need to be in our families. We need to have humor enough to laugh at how pitiful things are. You might say, “Hey, we put the dys in dysfunctional.” But we also need to move onto crying, or at least to the point where we realize we can’t do this on our own. We need help.
It is quite likely that if we were to get real and each family here today could take time to share their story, we would see hostility, frustrations, stress, addictions, depression, alcoholism, anger, drug abuse, molestation, thoughts of suicide, issues over death, resentment, infidelity, and the list could go on and on. But you know something else I think we’d see? I think we’d see men, women, children, and teenagers saying, “I don’t want it to be this way. I wish we could push UNDO or ESC and it would all be better.” Some might say, “I’m not sure how it got this way.” None of us want to be in this situation. But it’s how it is. Family life is a mess. And it’s a bigger mess than we can often handle on our own. So, I hope each video would end not with, “Help us A.B.C.,” but with, “Help us, G-O-D.”
You see, not only are you not alone in your circumstance of having an imperfect family, you are not alone at all because God is right there wanting to give help and aid.
I want to reassure us all that God is the place to go for help. He will give you help to you as you make changes. I also believe that He will speak help to you as we move forward each week through this series. However, it will not be this series that makes the difference. It will be you allowing the Spirit of God to apply the truths of this series in your own life situation.
God can and wants to make a big difference in your home. In fact, we might even say he is the difference maker. Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”
A home must be built, or in our cases made-over, by hard work, labor. Now, we know that to makeover our home we must work with all our skill and strength. But this verse reminds us that if God is not with us, our designs will fail. Our human wisdom and ingenuity, no matter how good, are not enough. Our work, no matter how hard, is not enough. “The Bible says that your home cannot, will not, and shall not be built by human ingenuity, wit, or wisdom.” Dr. Phil might have some good ideas, self-help books might offer suggestions, but the one architect, builder, and designer of the home must be God.
In our day we are familiar with commercials that tell us, “Such and Such Homes is the premier homebuilder in North Texas.” Well, God is the premier homebuilder in the universe. But you know something else? Satan is the premier home wrecker. We need to realize that Satan and his legions are attacking the home today. They are chipping away at the foundation, eating away the walls, and deteriorating the roof. This is not just a battle being fought in earthly courts. It is a battle being fought on spiritual battlefields. Therefore, we must turn to God for our home makeover. We cannot do it alone. Unless the Lord is building, you are laboring in vain.
Without God we are nothing. Without Him building the home, we might build a great mansion of a family. It might look great, but it will still be built on the shifting sands of human ingenuity, and, at some point, it will fall just like the homes on the hillsides of Laguna, California did this week. And when one home falls, it always affects many others.
But if we will allow the Lord to work to makeover our home, and if we will follow His truths and guidance, we will have a strong, blessed home.
Proverbs 3:33 says, “The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the home of the righteous.” God makes a big difference doesn’t He? The difference between blessing and curses. But what else makes a difference in that passage? Our relationship with God. The righteous He blesses. The wicked He curses. So I think you would agree with me, it’s better to be righteous. But if not, let’s compare the legacies of two real-life American families. One righteous. One wicked.
The great 18th century revivalist and pastor Jonathan Edwards came from a righteous family and built a righteous family himself. In fact, upon visiting Edwards’ church, the great evangelist George Whitefield said, “Mr. Edwards is a solid, excellent Christian. . . . I think I have not seen his fellow in all New England.” Jonathan Edwards was the real deal. Thus he was from a righteous family and built himself a righteous family. And God blessed, true to His promise. Among Edwards’ parents descendants were fourteen college presidents; more than 100 college professors, more than 100 lawyers, 30 judges, 60 physicians, more than 100 clergymen, missionaries, and theology professors; and about 60 authors. There is scarcely any great American industry that has not had one of his family among its chief promoters. Such is the product and legacy of one American Christian family.
By contrast, we might look at the Jukes family, who were not righteous and whose members could not be made to study, would not work, and are said to have cost the state of New York a million dollars. Their entire record is full of pauperism and crime, insanity and imbecility. Among their 1200 known descendants, 310 were professional paupers, 440 were physically wrecked by their own wickedness, 60 were habitual thieves, 130 were convicted criminals, 55 were victims of impurity, only 20 learned a trade (and 10 of those learned it in state prison), and this family produced 7 murderers.
It is obvious that righteousness pays off. But how can we be righteous? I think we find a clue in Titus 1.
Titus 1:1 says, “Paul, a servant of God and an apostle o Jesus Christ for the faith of God’s elect and the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness.” Here in the midst of Paul’s description of himself we have a faith trilogy – three things that compose righteous living. Paul says he is an apostle (1) for the faith of God’s elect, (2) and the knowledge of the truth, that (3) leads to godliness. So the trilogy is faith – knowledge – godliness. And it’s somewhat of a progression. Righteousness begins with faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Faith is foundational. Then we add to our faith knowledge of God, which we get from His biblically revealed truth. Then that faith and knowledge leads to godliness because we are forever being conformed more and more into the image of Christ. We have crucified the old nature with its passions and desires and are developing our new spiritual nature.
So we can be righteous through faith in Christ, growing in the knowledge of Christ, and living like Christ. Is that easy? No. And can just one family member carry the load. No. It takes everyone. It’s hard work. But it’s what we must do as believers and it’s what we must do if we want to makeover our families. If you’re content with a legacy like the Jukes, don’t seek righteousness. But if you want a legacy like the Edwards, ask the Lord to build your house. Fix your eyes on Him. Fix your heart on Him. Fix your mind on Him. And when you and your family are so focused, God promises to bless. And the blessings will go on for generations.
We may never have a perfect family, but we can have a better family, and, most importantly, we can have a righteous family.
Is that what you want? Is that what you long for?
