As we look at what is required to lead the church of God, today we examine a very interesting phrase. It is found in I Timothy 3:2 & 3:12, and it has sparked debate for many years. The phrase is this: “...husband of one wife...”
Allow me today to take you mentally through the text first, then leave you with some observations about how this text should affect anyone seeking leadership in the church.
First, let me examine the specific text and provide some insight.
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The entire list of requirements for both Elders and Deacons rests on two verbs: the “be” in 3:2 (a present infinitive) and the “be” in 3:12 (a plural present imperative).
Also, both verbs are in the present tense, indicating linear action, they indicate what the current state of the potential Elder/Deacon must be.
The imperative mode of the second “be” verb (3:12) clues us in to the seriousness of the requirements; these are non-negotiable issues that demand complete compliance.
The phrase “husband of one wife” is literally “one woman man.” It is difficult to draw anything else from the construction of this phrase other than that the potential Elder/Deacon must not be currently committed to more than one wife.
Similarly, the same grammatical construction is used when requiring these men to be men of “dignity” as well as men who are “not greedy of sordid gain.” It is addressing their current status. Could a man, once driven to make money in twisted ways, ever lead God’s church? Yes! Once forgiven, restored and called by God, he would be a qualified candidate. Likewise, could a former drunk, who once had no community respect, ever lead the body of Christ? Of course! Once forgiven, restored and called by God, he would be a qualified candidate. While they once weren’t fit, they became spiritually ready, in spite of formerly possessing habits that would have excluded them. Such is the case with the phrase “husband of one wife.” The specific text simply asks one thing: What is their current status?
Essentially, the purest textual meaning of the phrase is that it is a command against polygamy. To engage in a lifestyle of multiple marital commitments would forfeit a potential Elder or Deacon’s privilege to lead the church in an official capacity.
The obvious question becomes: How does one have two (or more) wives? What constitutes polygamy?
Polygamy is any unbiblical union of a man or woman while there is already an existing marriage covenant. For instance, to secretly marry one woman while you are legally and scripturally bound to another one would constitute polygamy. But so would leaving your spouse for unbiblical reasons and marrying someone else, even if there was a culturally legal divorce. In other words, divorce and remarriage outside the boundaries established in the Bible may, at times and under certain circumstances, result in a polygamous lifestyle.
Second, let me address the general context and give you some additional material that will help put this in perspective.
Phrases like “good managers of their children and their households,” “have a good reputation,” and “manages his own house well” are also present tense requirements that matter equally as much as the phrase “...husband of one wife....” While the past mistake of a broken marriage covenant is tragic, and though it doesn’t exclude one from serving officially, it may be the visible symptom of an underlying problem that is addressed by the other requirements.
The idea of being “tested” (3:10) also gives us room to see how well they have done in the past. While we don’t single out the marriage issue, it is just one of the many things examined to see if the potential Elder/Deacon is already living the lifestyle described in I Timothy 3. If he has had recent problems in being committed to one woman (i.e., an unbiblical divorce, an adulterous relationship, etc.), it would be wise to at least delay his appointment to church leadership till these matters have proven themselves extinct or till reconciliation/resolution has been achieved.
“Beyond reproach” and “blameless” indicate even further that a lifestyle at which no one can point a finger is the high goal of church leadership. While this phrase encompasses more than just the issue of divorce and remarriage, it definitely includes this matter. If others in the community react negatively, though honestly and sincerely, to our church and its message as a result of a divorce/affair by a potential candidate for Elder/Deacon, the potential Elder/Deacon should decline his opportunity to lead the church in an official manner.
Thirdly, in light of this, let me make an overall conclusion:
Being divorced does not, in and of itself, exclude someone from serving the church as an Elder or Deacon. If reconciliation is no longer possible (i.e., a former marriage partner has ended the previous covenant though remarriage), if there is not a current polygamous situation (i.e., more than one marital commitment), and if the divorce was not the result of lifestyle habits still ongoing that would damage the reputation and ministry of the church, the potential candidate may continue to pursue the office of either Elder or Deacon.
A previous divorce or affair may indicate, however, an ongoing, albeit unknown, polygamous situation. In the event of this revelation, deep evaluation and examination should take place to see if all matters have been resolved to the fullest extent under the guidelines of the Bible. Until this happens the potential candidate should not pursue the office of Elder of Deacon.
A previous divorce or affair may also indicate an inability to correctly manage a family or maintain a singular commitment with one woman, in which case the potential candidate should not pursue the office of Elder or Deacon.
Lastly, let me make a few suggestions as to what the church’s responsibility should be:
a. Emphasize the permanence of the marriage covenant. It is a covenant before God between a man and a woman for a lifetime. Ideally, only death frees us from this covenant.
b. Explain the biblical instructions about remarriage. Though unpopular, the most biblically accurate view of remarriage is that though it is allowed, it is not encouraged. Why? Because it puts a final end to even the remotest opportunity for reconciliation. And reconciliation is always God’s first choice.
c. Examine any and all candidates individually and carefully. Don’t shy away from asking tough questions or probing deeply. Current church leadership should seek to discover the character of the candidate, not the image. Ask about the past and the present. Both are important.
d. Enact policies of grace consistently. Enough with legalistic rules made by man that forever condemn. Let’s model the Savior’s response (“Go and sin no more”) and follow Paul’s advice (“Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.”). Remember – grace is a two-way street. Like it or not, true grace gives freedom, not only to the divorced man who made a one-time mistake 15 years ago, but also to the homosexual who has been ‘straight’ for over a decade, to the molester who only crossed that line once with a child 25 years ago, or to the thief that embezzled money from his employer ten years ago and has never done it since. To do anything different is to ration grace based on your own preferences...comes kind of close to playing God, wouldn’t you say?
e. Enforce the biblical standard, not your own opinion. Even if your own opinion is relatively ‘close’ to what God said, it is equally as destructive as one ‘far’ from God, one perhaps contrived by the heathen themselves. How? It prevents grace from operating in the lives of God’s children! While it is personally comfortable to create a rule that is easily enforced, true grace is usually messy and somewhat uncomfortable. Why? Because God is showcasing His perfect, eternal work in broken, earthly jars of clay, a tough assignment at best. But God’s Spirit has a way of doing it from the inside out that proves effective and lasting. Man likes to take it the other way – starting on the outside. Beware of rules that make sanctification a result of man’s effort instead of God’s Spirit.
One final statement -- We all readily agree that any man currently and knowingly committing fornication, stealing money or abusing children (or any activity clearly contrary to God’s Word) is disqualified from church leadership on the basis of the very fist requirement – they lack dignity. That’s not at all the issue with which we’re wrestling. What we all wonder, under our breath, of course, is this: How much of my past is going to affect my present? It is to that end that I hold to a position based on the facts of the text and context, not only of the immediate passage in focus, but also others in which the issue of divorce is discussed. Regarding the specific phrase “husband of one wife,” I find no compelling evidence, either textually or contextually, implied or stated, that leads me to believe that a man, though divorced, is disqualified from serving the church as an Elder or Deacon, given he 1) is not currently in a polygamous situation as based on Scripture, 2) is in good standing with those on the ‘outside’ who were affected and involved with his marital break up, and 3) has proven over time to have developed a present lifestyle and mindset that is singularly focused on one woman – his wife.
