“Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God will give you.” Exodus 20:12
A mother that had scrimped and saved to put her son through college sat in her son’s graduation. She watched as he walked across the platform and received his degree with honors. As he walked down the isle, instead of turning into the designated row, he kept walking; down to where his mother sat. The young man threw his arms around her neck, kissed her on the cheek, and as he placed his diploma in her hands, he said, "Here, Mother, you earned it!" The fifth commandment addresses that which many parents have earned.
Let’s face it, there aren’t many children who hold their parents in that high regard. Too often, mom and dad are seen as obstacles to be overcome rather than wise guides to be followed and emulated. In this Fifth Commandment, God lays down a principle for life that will determine how every relationship around you will turn out.
“I now have a 7-year-old boy and a 9-year-old boy, so all I can say is, I apologize. Now I know what you guys were talking about.” Matt Groening, creator of "The Simpsons," responding to complaints that Bart Simpson is a bad role model The home is the foundational institution of society. No nation, or community of people, is stronger than the family structure that makes them up. As goes the home, so goes the nation, the community, the church, etc. In the home, God has established an order that is to be followed.
In Ephesians 5 and 6 we find this order spelled out for us:
And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. Eph. 5:21-28
Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. "Honor your father and mother." This is the first of the Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: If you honor your father and mother, "you will live a long life, full of blessing." And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord. Eph. 6:1-4
Many homes are full of pain and hurt today because we have forgotten about the Fifth Commandment. It is fitting that this Commandment should fall here. It divides the commandments related to God from those related to our fellow man. You see, when we are out of step in the home, we will be out of step with God and with our fellow human beings. It is in the parental relationship that we learn first how to submit to the Lord and then how we are to serve our fellow man. As we take a few minutes to look into this verse and all that it teaches, we will find that there is instruction here for both parents and for children.
1. There is a respect that is demanded
A. Respect them:
This verse makes it plain that parents are to be held in high regard by their children. Notice Eph. 6:2 – "Honor your father and mother." Honor = "To give great weight to; to hold as valuable." Children are to hold their parents in high respect. They are not just two old people out to ruin your fun. They have been placed in your life by the sovereign will of Almighty God to be your overseers until you reach maturity. In the early stages of life, while a child is maturing from birth to adulthood, they are to be in absolute subjection to their parents. Children are to offer unquestioning obedience to their parents! When a child refuses to obey his/her parents, they are in effect refusing to submit to the Lord, Col. 3:20!
It is discouraging, and frightening, to see a child or young person being disrespectful to their parents. It spells trouble down the road, and it shows a lack of regard for God. It is a sign of deeply rooted sinfulness. There is absolutely no excuse for any behavior that attacks, disrespects or dishonors one’s parents! It is a sign of arrogance, ignorance and immaturity!
A young woman brings home her fiancé‚ to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man. The father invites the fiancé‚ into his study. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
"I am a Bible scholar," he replies.
"A Bible scholar. Hmm," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in as she’s accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring such as she deserves?" asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don’t worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancé.
The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later the mother asks, "How did it go, honey?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God."
Citation: Brett Kays, Brownstown, Michigan, adapted from an e-mail
B. Regard their experience:
As we grow older, we are continue to regard our parents with respect. As children grow up, it is natural for them to leave their parent’s home, Gen. 2:24. At this time, we are no longer under there direct authority. In other words, they aren’t there to tell us what to do day by day
Many are dreaming of that day right now! It’s not always all it’s cracked up to be!
Even though we leave their home and leave their authority, we are to still respect our parents and we are to remember the sacrifices they have made to bring us into the world and to nurture us to maturity. We should remember the long nights spent beside us when we were sick. The many hours worked to provide food, shelter and clothing. We should remember the love dispensed in abundance for so little in return. Even though we are out from under their authority, we still owe them our respect.
Jesus, He was the great example. As a 12 year old boy, He submitted Himself to His parents, Luke 2:51. And, as a dying man, He remembered to honor His mother by seeing that she was cared for, John 19:27.
Let me say a word about parental advice. Many young people simply refuse to hear what their parents tell them and as a result, they often experience trouble and hardship. Young people would do well to remember that parents speak from the experience gained by taking the hard knocks themselves. Their warnings are given to guide their children in the right path and to steer them past many of the obstacles of life.
Experience is far wiser than ignorance! It is an ignorant child that refuses the counsel of wise, experienced parents. A young girl was very unhappy because her parents had refused her wishes. That evening her mother was amused to hear her pray, "Please, Lord, don’t give her any more children; she doesn’t know how to treat the ones she’s got now!"
The attitude of children toward their parents changes as they grow older. During the teen years especially, some young people show little respect for their fathers and mothers. It’s disheartening to see this. But as those young teenagers mature, they begin to recognize that Mom and Dad knew a lot more than they gave them credit for. Mark Twain once said, "When I was 14 years old, my father was so ignorant I hated to have the old man around. But when I was 21 years old, I was astonished to see how much my father had learned in only 7 years."
Sometimes young people come to realize with deep regret that if they had followed the counsel of their parents they could have avoided much heartache both for themselves and their family.
2. There is a respect that is deserved
While this verse speaks primarily to young people and children, it also speaks to parents. Children will have a difficult time respecting a parent who hasn’t lived a life worthy of honor. Allow me to share with you three ways parents can earn the respect of their children.
We gain this respect as parents by:
A. Our Faithfulness – Parents need to remember that children will respect a life that is lived faithfully. Children long to see their parents living with their best interests at heart. When a child knows that mom and dad really care about what happens to them, they will respond to that display of love.
Let’s face it, many parents want their kids to do right, because it makes them look better. Their primary concern is, "What will my friends think of me if…?" Others are devastated when their children start to turn out differently than they had planned. A parent’s duty to their children is to love them unconditionally and faithfully place their needs ahead of your own. Kids will respond to that kind of love.
By the way, faithfulness to the Lord goes along way with kids too. When we live as though the Lord, His work, His worship and His House are optional, our children will come to believe it too. Don’t expect them to be faithful, dedicated Christians when you aren’t one yourself.
I guess that what we do speaks so loudly our kids can’t hear what we are saying!
We gain this respect as parents by:
B. Our Fairness – We earn respect by being fair. That is, we are firm in what we say, but we are tempered in our actions by love. This brings to mind 2 methods of child rearing that need to be mentioned.
1. Discipline – There are parents who believe that the answer to every infraction is physical contact. We used to call this spanking or “getting a whipping.” For some this becomes abusive.
2. Liberty – There are others who feel that their children can do as they please. Oh, they may not like what their kids do and there is a lot of yelling, threatening and pleading, but there is never any discipline imposed on the wayward child. I sat in the airport yesterday morning waiting to fly home from a trip I had to take this week. I watched a set of parents with a little kid that was about two years old. The little boy had a baggie of cereal. After throwing some other things away for his parents in the trash can, he decided he wanted to throw his bag of cereal away. Both parents told him no and the father even went to retrieve them just as the boy threw them into the trash. When the father, observing the five second rule, pulled them from the trash, the boy began wailing and putting on quite a show. It was on then. I sat back in anticipation of watching this parent deal with the little hothead. Much to my surprise the father sheepishly threw the baggie back into the trash! The little dictator turned around satisfied that his father was under his control and walked away. The father kind of followed sheepishly him back to their seats. I know it’s not right to stare, but as the father was sitting back down he caught my eye. I don’t know if it was the look on my face, (I hope not) or just the fact that someone was watching, but he jumped up and keeping an eye on the little tyrant to make sure he didn’t see what his dad was doing, he retrieved the baggie. This time he exceeded the five second rule. Amazing!
I wonder who is in charge at your house? Are the inmates running the asylum?
These two methods, discipline and liberty represent the extremes, our duty, in fairness to our children, is to find the happy medium. There are times when we must discipline, Pro. 13:24; 29:17. The old saying is probably still true: “Any parent who refuses to apply the board of education to the seat of learning is doing his children a great injustice.” But then, there are times when we need to allow our kids a little growing room. Our job is to find that place where they can be themselves and still learn that God has a plan for their lives. Too bad they don’t come with training manuals! We gain this respect as parents by:
C. Our Fruitfulness – Parents earn respect from their children when they can see their parents investing their lives in their children. When we give them love and time and patience and encouragement and hope, they will respond with respect and love of their own.
There was a little boy who expressed great concern about his parents. He told of how his father worked hard to provide for all of his needs and how his mother slaved around the house, cooking and cleaning up after him and taking care of him when he was sick. When asked what he had to be worried about he said, "I am afraid that they might escape!"
Thank God for those parents who invest their lives into those of their children!
Children have much to be thankful for in their parents. However, too many are too immature and too self-centered to see that. Yet, they will some day, many when it is too late to say thank you.
3. A reward that will be delivered
This verse contains more than a "don’t", it also gives us a great promise. This verse reminds those who obey Father and Mother that there are some promises that they can have for themselves.
A. Our Days Will Be Lengthened – (Ill. Eph. 6:3) When one honors his parents as he should, then God has promised him longer days upon the earth. I believe that we can take this literally. If this is true, and it is, then it can also be said that refusal to obey parents can result in an abbreviated life!
B. Our Days Will Be Lightened – Not only does the Lord promise length of days to those who honor their parents, He also promises blessings to those who choose this wonderful way of life.
George Washington had his heart set on going to sea. His trunk was already on board the ship when he went to tell his mother goodbye. He found here with tears in her eyes and a heavy heart that was opposed to his journey. He turned to a hired servant and ordered him to go to the ship and get his trunk. He said, "I will not leave and break my mother’s heart." Her response to him was this, "George, God has promised to bless the children that obey their parents." God did bless his life and still uses his influence to this day!)
By the same token, God has cursed those who refuse to obey mother and father - Prov 30:17, "The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it." Children that treat their parents with the respect they are due, and worthy of, will be blessed of the Lord!
My parents were loving yet firm with their discipline. I don’t think I was an easy child to raise in many ways. I want to honor them by how I live my life now. The things they taught me have kept me from making tragic mistakes.
Take the envelope that is in you bulletin and reflect for a few moments during this song about someone that you need write to this week. We have provided you with a card, an envelope and it is even stamped. Meditate for a little while before God ....
