Sermon: The Bible teaches Real Love”
I Corinthians 13 By the Rev. John Donnelly
St. Michael’s Episcopal Church, Wayne, NJ
A young woman named Andrea wrote this story. Her story may be found on the web page of e-Harmony.com, an internet dating service.
“Jeff and I were definitely not strangers to internet dating. We tried almost every dating site out there—all with no success. e-Harmony impressed me right away because it sent me profiles of men with whom I shared total compatibility---from large-scale goals to hobbies. Each person was serious about finding that one special person, so I felt that the potential of finding “meat market guys” was pretty slim, which made me very comfortable and open about going out on dates. I went on several dates with very sweet men with whom I was very compatible, but that spark was missing. The, I met Jeff. It’s really difficult to describe how I knew he was right---but the spark was definitely there, and we totally connected. He is the most caring , thoughtful, and emotionally generous man I’ve ever met. I’m so grateful for eHarmony for making this match possible as I have found my soon-to-be husband, my love, my life.”
Turn on a TV, a radio, the internet, go to the library, to a movie, and you are bound to hear a love song or story. The love between a man and a woman has been exalted for thousands and thousands of years, and the world never seems to tire of it. When the Dixie chicks sing, “Cowboy, take me away , closer to heaven, closer to you,” they echo the heart felt sentiments of people from all times and all cultures across the world. And likewise, the “Song of Songs” from the Bible, praises the passion of romantic love, saying, “love is as strong as death. It burns like a blazing fire.”
This issue is of utmost importance to all Christians, whether or not you personally, at this point in your life, are interested in romantic love or not. People, with whom we are connected, are very interested in this subject, which can cause so much confusion and pain.
What is romantic love? To Christians, it certainly isn’t the lust, smut, or adultery as so frequently depicted on television and in some movies. . Perhaps C.S.Lewis of Chronicles of Narnia fame, has stated one of the best definitions, when he wrote, “Romantic love (or “Eros” in Greek ) creates a mysterious desire between one man and one woman, as opposed to basic sensuality. Eros invades & reorganizes the personality, obliterating the distinction between giving and receiving---they both are a pleasure.”
Likewise, the “Song of Songs” continues, “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If a man were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”
These words are especially meaningful to Ellen and me, as they were read at our wedding 25 years ago. For both of us, that was the happiest day. Ellen is not just my partner in ministry, but she is my love, my inspiration, my best friend, and my joy. To this day, I still cannot understand what Ellen ever saw in me---but of course, her sight is not very good.
When romantic love works, it’s fantastic. But when it doesn’t, it can be disastrous. It seems to me that romantic love is frequently unfair:
· Why do some people find it, and are able to keep it?
· Why do others find it just to mess it up, or to have it explode in their faces?
· Why does the promise of romantic love hold such promise and joy for some, and such heartache for others?
· I don’t know. Does luck play a role?
The Greeks strived to explain the agony and the ecstasy of love by creating the mythological figure of “Cupid.” Cupid was very mischievous and often sinister. He would shoot one of his arrows of love into the heart of a person, which would make that person fall passionately in love with another. Not unoften, that love was then rejected by the other person. I think it was Charlie Brown, the comic character , who once said that the only thing, which can destroy a peanut butter sandwich, is unrequited love.
So, sometimes romantic love is not fair; and even when two people mutually share romantic love for one another, that does not necessarily mean that they will live happily ever after.
· Romantic love is like a volcano that sometimes cools off.
· Romantic love is like soaring above the waves in a fast moving motorboat, which sometimes runs out of gas.
· But frequently romantic love is not even real love. Sometimes its just hormones. Sometimes it just lust. Sometimes its just passion.
Some of the confusion about love is caused by the fact that in English, we have one term, “love,” which describes a variety of different “love” experiences. However, the Greeks have actually 4 different terms:
· “Eros,” which means romantic love.
· “Philia, “ which means brotherly love or friendship
· “Storge,” which means the love of family;
· And “AGAPE”--love, which is committed, self sacrificing love.
Agape-love, where you choose to love someone so much, that you put his or her interests and well-being and happiness above your own.
Romantic love, or Eros, without sacrificial love, agape, will not last. Agape- love, real love, where it is not all about me, but about you---is the only lasting love. That’s why God , in his infinite wisdom, decided to create a setting for romance to grow and to become infused with agape-love. And in this setting, the woman and man boldly promise to commit to agape-love one another , as long as they both shall live. And within this sacred commitment, they are free to love and to trust and to depend—because they both have made a solemn vow to continue loving one another, no matter what. And that, is real marriage….where vows mean something, and both parties choose to be responsible in honoring their vows and promises. Now there is a growing trend among many young people to doubt the importance of marriage. But, real marriage… real love is worth much more than gold or silver.
As designed by the creator of the universe, all relationships , romantic, family, friends, are better and more lasting when both parties practice agape-love. Agape-love is patient and kind. It is not self-seeking. It keeps no record of wrongs. Agape-love will never fail. All other things in life, and all relationships without agape-love, will fade away.
I think that what Paul says in this reading is a real challenge to all of us—whether or not you are married, or single, or divorced, or dating, or thinking about dating sometime, or longing for a relationship, or feeling very lonely, whether you are age 12 or 112—the way of agape-love is the way of Jesus Christ. To be a follower of Jesus, to strive to be his disciple, is to seek to learn to love all people they way that Jesus loves us. He agape-loved us by laying down his life to receive the punishment for sin that we deserved. This love is intended for all people.
Just imagine what it would be like if just this congregation loved each other the way Jesus loves us?
· Couples would grow in commitment , exhibiting encouragement, compassion, and support which would change their lives.
· Married couples would renew , within their hearts, the vows of their weddings, “To have and to hold, for better , for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.
· Those who are widowed, or divorced, or estranged, or single; those not married or involved in a romantic relationship, would all find that their cups runeth over, because of the love received from others in their spiritual family; and Jesus, Himself, would be discovered and or re-discovered as our perfect companion.
· And in Jesus ‘ words, the whole world would know that we are His disciples, because of the way we love one another.
This is the reality , to which Christ calls us. You are called to be his disciples, by being more Christ-like, which means that you will learn to love others the way he loves you.
Fortunately, you are worshipping in a church that takes this seriously. St. Michael’s is school for learning to live like Christ. Our small groups, our Sunday Prayer Ministry, our clergy and our leadership are all committed to this purpose. May the love of God abound , more and more, in our midst, as we go forward in the Holy spirit. Amen.
--The Rev. Canon John Donnelly
Study /Discussion Questions for Teens and Parents
1.Parents—Tell your kids about some of the ups and downs that you experienced in dating when you were in your teens and/or 20s.
2. Parents---What things helped you during those times? What things hurt you?
3. Kids: Tell your parents about whether or not you
· Your are looking forward to dating? Why or why not?
· Or, if you are older, what you think of dating now from your own experiences?
4. The sermon talks about “agape-love.” Define “agape love” in your own words. Is it possible for teenagers to love anyone at that depth, or is that something you need to learn, as you grow older?
5. Parents: Identify a couple major points that you would like your kids to understand about relating to the opposite sex?
6. Kids: Can you parents help you in your relationships with your peers? If so, how? If not, why not?
