What did Jesus say would be the defining feature of those who followed him? The one thing that would set those who really love Jesus apart from other people?
John 13:34 ¶ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
So far we’ve learned
Love is patient, love is kind
Love does not envy, does not boast, it is not proud
This week we get to verse five of 1 Cor. 13, which starts out like this…
5 [Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking…
Love is not rude.
Love listens.
James 1:19 ¶ My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
How do you respond when you receive constructive criticism? How do you respond when someone needs to give you instruction? How do you respond when someone hurts your feelings?
The response of our flesh is strike back. Or to run away. Or to argue.
Part of learning to love people (and knowing you are being filled by God’s love) is that you don’t respond in any of these fleshly ways. Instead, you work hard at listening to what they are saying, and you slow down your own response. Because love is not rude.
Love keeps its promises.
There are few things more aggravating than to be in a relationship with someone who does not keep his/her promises. He says he will meet you for lunch – but he never shows up. She says she’ll help watch your kids – but at the last minute she cancels. He says he’ll be there for the school concert, but he misses it for one reason or another. The list could go on.
In Matthew 5:37, Jesus gives a very simple reminder that followers of Him should stick to their word:
Matt. 5:37 Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
When you say “yes” to something – keep that commitment. And learn to say “no” when you have no intention of following through on what you may be asked to do.
When you love someone, you demonstrate that love by being dependable, and sticking to your commitments. Because love is not rude.
Love respects others.
Our culture is quickly becoming one where common courtesy is being forgotten. Increasingly people seem to have the attitude “I’ll do what I want to do and I don’t care how it affects others.”
But when you love someone, you DO care how your actions affect them. Because love is not rude.
ILLUS: I was talking to Dave Browning this week and he shared with me a scenario that I think we can all relate with. He has a Macintosh laptop which was needing some service so he took it to a place in Bellingham that services Macs, figuring he’d be without his computer for 3-5 days.
But when he arrives he sees a sign, “Dear valued customers, please know that any computers dropped off for service will not be looked at for 10 business days.”
So he asks the man behind the counter – can I just make an appointment today to bring back my laptop in 10 days. “Nope – we’ve found that doesn’t work.”
After a few more minutes of haggling with him, the worker finally told him that actually what they’d do after those 10 days would be to put the computer in a box and mail it to the Apple service center in Illinois!
At that point Dave said he started looking around for a manager – and I interjected into the conversation “Love is not rude!”
Dave replied, one thing is certain I was not feeling the love at that moment!
I’ve had plenty of stories like that myself. I need to remember that love is not rude when I don’t get service the way I think I should or the company doesn’t seem to fulfill their obligations. I may be displeased, but I need to remember I’m an ambassador for Jesus Christ in ALL my interactions with others – and love is not rude!
When people encounter Christian people they should be happily surprised that they find them easy to get along with. Not pushy or abrasive.
When you witness to others about the difference Jesus has made in your life, and when you try to influence them to become followers of Jesus themselves, remember this: love is not rude.
When you’re in a conversation that turns heated because of the issues being discussed, and your blood pressure starts to rise, remember this: love is not rude.
God shows his love to you through loving you this way. He does not barge into your life and demand that you submit to Him. He could if he wanted. But he deliberately holds back, showing just glimpses of himself and waiting for us to respond to him before he shows us more of himself.
TRANS: And don’t forget – if you blow it and act rudely toward someone – love is not proud – you can still demonstrate your love to them by going and apologizing!
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is generous.
There is one incredible passage of scripture that describes a group of Christians who “got” this. It’s in Acts chapter 4…
Acts 4:32 ¶ All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
I’ll be honest and tell you I’ve never been a part of a group of believers who really lived this way – but I’d sure like to! This is the type of love that I think Jesus was talking about with his disciples when he said “By this all men will know you’re my disciples – if you love one another.”
When you get to the point that you can honestly say “whatever I now possess is really the joint property of my brothers and sisters in Christ”, then you’ve “got it”.
All of us could use every single penny of our own money for ourselves and our families. Rarely a person will amass so much money that they really can’t spend it on themselves. I haven’t met anyone like that in our church!
But when we’re part of the body of Christ, we are willing to forego some of the things we could have and instead choose to share it with others who need it.
Sometimes I think about the amount of money we give to the church and I begin to think about what I could buy with that money. I could have a boat most likely. And I’d really like to have a boat. But you know what I like better that being able to go on a boat whenever I want to? I like knowing that my possessions do not possess me. Every time I give money to the church, or to a poor child in Africa, or to a missionary, or to some short-term mission trip, or to a poor person in Oak Harbor I am demonstrating that I love them with the same type of love Jesus gave for me: a love that is not self-seeking.
But it isn’t just our money that shows our love. In fact in some ways giving money can become a cop out to actually investing our hearts in relationships with others.
“Love is not self-seeking” means we don’t put ourselves first. When I played soccer in high school we had a little cheer we used to use right before we took the field. The coach would say in our huddle, “God is first, the team is second”, and then the team would yell “I’m third”.
When we are filled with God’s love for others we will demonstrate that love by a joyful willingness to put them first. Not as a martyr (“Oh it’s OK I really like to have the burned cookies.”), but as one who has freely received more blessings from God than you deserve and who wants to just give some blessings to others.
Because love is not self-seeking.
Conclusion:
It is a dog-eat-dog world out there. It starts in the sandbox and continues out into the business world. And our nature calls us to put ourselves first. To push and shove and get what we have coming.
But as Jesus said – his followers will be known to be different than that. They will be known by their love. A love that is not rude and that is not self-seeking.
May you, through the power of the Holy Spirit, be so filled with God’s love that you will overflow with love that listens, love that keeps its word, love that respects others, and love that lives generously toward others.
If we do – the world around us will take notice.
