Caught in the Trap
Series: Escaping the Trap of Forgiveness
July 16, 2006
Last week I told you to prepare yourself for an eye-opening confrontation with truth, and I introduced you to this humble mechanical marvel called a ‘mouse-trap’ (actually this is a rat-trap).
I demonstrated for you how it worked. It has…
1. A flat wooden platform, used as a base,
2. A hammer that actually crushes our little mickey mouse
3. A spring that gives the hammer the quickness it needs.
4. A metal bar that holds the hammer back…. and
5. A sensitive little catch (set trap) that when you touch it with the slightest pressure it releases the metal bar, and the hammer comes slamming down on our little friend, stopping him from chewing through sacks of flour or electrical cords and leaving little reminders of it’s presense in the unswept corners of our house.
If you were here last week, you’ll remember that I touched it, (just like this… (spring trap) …and one of our unsuspecting guests that morning lost a finger! Anyway, to lure our little unsuspecting mouse out of his house… we put bait on that little catch. (By the way, how many of you have noticed that mice don’t have little “U” shaped openings in the baseboards of our floors like cartoons tell us?)
I did all that NOT to give you a lesson on pest control, but to illustrate to you that there are other traps in this world, (much more complicated, invisible traps) that are set and designed by our enemy (the devil) to catch (not mice) but men and women. For those of you who weren’t here last week, we started a series entitled, “Escaping the Trap of Unforgiveness ”. We said that Satan (the enemy of our souls) is a good trapper, and one of His most deceptive and insidious kinds of “traps”... is something that every person here has encountered... The “UNFORGIVENESS TRAP”
The way you get caught in his “trap” is when you become offended at something someone has said or done to you. If undealt with, the “trap of offense” has the ability to sever relationships, cause divisions, split churches, and imprison countless of Christians in it’s jaws. Jesus warned us in Luke 17:1... (READ)
Now the word, ‘offense’ that Jesus used, in the Greek, is the word… ‘skandalon’ and it’s referring to that little, sensitive ‘catch’ we talked about earlier. He’s warning us that Satan will try to lure you into his trap, using the bait of being offended with someone (either by what they do or say). Knowing that when you take the bait the ‘skandalon’ will release the hammer, and before you can say, “BOO!” you’ll be caught in the trap of unforgiveness! Now listen, because everyone of us have the capacity to become as sensitive as that little catch (Even you pastor? Yep! I’ve been there!).
In fact, Jesus told us that we ‘WOULD’ be offended at some point in our lives with another person. It may come from a parent, a family member, a brother or a sister... It may come from a co-worker, a fellow church member... your pastor... but Jesus is warning us... IT WILL COME! So we began to approach this situation from the perspective of... not “will” it come… but what are we going to do “when” it comes? How are you and I, going to react when we’re tempted to be offended, or when we’ve actually been caught in the ‘Trap of Offense”?
It’s a critical question, because how you respond, determines your future happiness, and the future of a lot of people around you, including your kids! I’ve known parents who left the church because of an ‘offense’ they experienced…and as a result, they raise kids who are also offended at God and the church! Setting the course of their eternal destiny. (Example: My next door neighbor, Parker. None of his kids follow God.)
Now, much of what I will be sharing with you comes out of the book, “The Bait of Satan” by John Bevere.
And last week we began to expose Satan’s trap by describing for you the actual “bait” that Satan uses, to lure us in… We said that you’re being baited when you begin to…
1. PROMOTE a person… giving them a position in your mind
that as humans they’re sure to fall from. Or when we begin
the…
2. PRODUCTION of pride… denying to ourselves that we
really have been hurt by someone. 3rdly, we’re taking the
bait when we start…
3. PROTECTING ourselves… shutting people out of our lives,
denying entry to anyone we fear is going to hurt us. And then
lastly, we’re being lured into the “offense trap” when we
start…
4. PROJECTING blame… justifying our bitterness and un-
forgiveness as “their” fault. Believing that we’re the innocent
victim. That everything we’ve done is good and right, while
everything they’ve done is evil and hurtful.
Well, enough for review… Lets talk this morning about actually being caught in the offense trap… Someone has said or done something (or many things)… that have offended and hurt you deeply. As a result, the trap has been sprung, and you’re caught! You may be struggling this morning, with feelings of bitterness and unforgiveness towards that person or persons. Now, as we saw earlier, the signs that you’ve been caught in a “rat trap” are pretty obvious… but the signs you’ve been caught in Satan’s invisible ‘trap of offense’… aren’t so obvious. So, let me give you some actual signs that you have been caught in his trap this morning…
The 1st one is…
1. Stagnation: You stop growing and start REGRESSING
Animals who’ve have been caught in a trap don’t go anywhere… they’re stuck! And the same is true for humans caught in one of Satan’s ‘spiritual’ traps… you don’t go anywhere spiritually. Having an offense in your heart, stunts your spiritual growth. An animal who’s been caught in a trap has one all-consuming concern… “How do I get out of this trap?” And when you’ve been caught in a “trap of offense”… it becomes all consuming. I’ve read that some animals will even gnaw off their own paw, trying to escape the trap they’ve been caught in.
Reminds me of a young man named Aron Ralston. (Does that name ring a bell? It will when I tell you his story). One day, Aron set out for a carefree desert hike through Blue-John Canyon in Southeastern Utah. While hanging onto an 800 lb. boulder, suddenly, without warning it shifted, pinning his arm and forcing him to make an unimaginable decision in order to survive. 20 miles from the nearest paved road and surrounded by 100’s more miles of uninhabited desert… Aron realized he’d violated one of the most basic rules of the outdoors. “Always make sure someone knows where you are”. Aron hadn’t told a soul, and He wasn’t expected back to work for days.
No one would miss him, and when they did, they wouldn’t know where to begin to look. After being trapped with his arm under a rock for 5 days, he decided that if he didn’t get free he would die. So…using his pocketknife, he amputated his own arm below the elbow! Then he put on a tourniquet, administered first-aid, rappelled 60ft. down and walked 7 miles to safety. Whoa! Recently, he’s written a book about his ordeal. Are you ready for the name of the book? It’s entitled, “Between a Rock and a Hard Place” (Ohhh!) Really! That’s the name of the book!
I think that perfectly describes the dilemma a person who’s been caught in Satan’s trap is faced with. “Do I stay here, in my bitterness, in my hurt, and eventually spiritually and emotionally die? Or do I swallow my pride, face my predicament, and with a strong dose of courage… do what’s necessary to get free?” Unfortunately, people who’ve been caught in the trap of offense, don’t possess the clear, rational thought process that Aron exhibited. They’re consumed by their emotions. Instead of thinking about God, and how He might be using this situation to change them… all they can think about is ‘How that person hurt me!”
David, the writer of the book of Psalms had a lot of opportunities to be offended in his lifetime, and he writes about the powerful connection between being offended and it’s effect on our spiritual growth… Read Ps. 119:165 “Nothing” will offend them? Is that possible? It is… IF you keep your focus on God! According to the bible, people who choose to seek out God, and delight in His in Word for answers and comfort from their abuses… will avoid being offended and destroyed by those abuses. It’s the difference between becoming bitter or better!
In fact, according to Ps. 1:1-3 difficulties can actually stimulate our spiritual growth if we’ll allow them…(READ). According to that vs., there’s a reward for keeping God in focus… but did you notice the downward progression for people who don’t? 1st they ‘walk’, then they ‘stand’, and before long they’re ‘sitting’. 1st they ‘WALK’, listening to the counsel of the ungodly… they begin to take on their attitudes and agree with their assessments… “Yea! They did you wrong! You’ve got a right to get revenge! They’re bad people! They deserve you’re scorn! Don’t forgive them!” And you believe them!
Before long, you’re doing the very thing you accuse them of doing… gossiping, judging, and criticizing. You’re ‘STANDING’ in the same place unbeliever’s stand, harboring the same attitudes. Rationalizing your actions, nursing your wounds, shifting the blame.
Not long after that, you’re ‘SITTING’… ‘sitting in the seat of mockers’… casting stones at the God’s people, the church. You ever I wonder why the church is always to blame? One or 2 people hurt you, but it’s the whole church is condemned! What about all the innocent people, who didn’t do a thing? And don’t even know about it? Why are they blamed for the offense. Why take it out on them?
I think it’s because Satan hates the church and he wants you to hate it too! He wants you to forget the good it does, the people it helps…the joy of fellowshipping… and to instead only think about it’s weaknesses.
In the end, ‘you’re sitting in the seat of mockers’. You start making fun of Christians, mocking them… full of criticism and condemnation… You hear yourself saying, “Yea! I tried it once! But I decided the church is nothing more than a ‘bunch of hypocrites’… I’ve seen it happen 100’s of times! People who once walked with God, now mocking Him. And don’t think it can’t happen to you! Eventually Jesus’ bride, the church takes the rap… …while Satan stands by and laughs! Listen, if you want to be ‘blessed’… if you want everything you do to prosper… (from your marriage, to your kids… to your finances)…according to that verse… focus on God, instead of the offender… meditate on His Word, day and night… and you’ll be like a tree, planted by streams of water.
How do trees endure the hot burning sun, the drought of summer and the driving storms of winter? By sending their roots down deeper! In fact, the storms and the ‘hurts’ actually cause them to become more stable! And the same is true with you and me. As our roots go down deep into God, we’ll be impervious to Satan’s trap. We won’t be ultra sensitive when people trip our feelings. Because we know that our true worth… our true strength comes from Gods encouragement and strength… deep in our souls.
On the otherhand, Jesus warns us that if our spiritual roots remain shallow, offenses will be used not only to stunt our growth, but take us away from our faith in God. READ Mark 4:16-17. If you’ve been hurt this morning, and as a result, you’re not growing spiritually anymore… (in fact you’re sitting in the seat of a mocker)… If you’re thoughts are telling you that it’s all about YOU, and you’ve lost sight of Christ… it’s a clear sign you’ve been caught in the trap of unforgiveness. STAGNATION.
The 2nd sign that you’ve been caught…
2. Persecution: You stop acting and start REACTING
Go back to the beginning of your bibles to Gen. Chap. 4 where we find the story of the 1st offense between two people. And they happen to be brothers… (no surprise there huh?) Now, it’s normal for brothers to fight, but in this story it goes way to far! It’s the story of Cain and Abel. In case you didn’t know… Cain and Abel were the 1st two sons of Adam and Eve. (I say 1st, because they lived to be over 900 years old and had 100’s of children and 1000’s of grandchildren, which answers the question, “Who was Cains wife?” Probably cousin or relative.) Anyway, Cain grew up to be a farmer, while Abel grew up to be a shepherd. Both of them worked hard to serve God and others, but one day they came to give an offering to the Lord. (Isn’t it interesting that the offense came between two people who were both trying to serve God the best way they knew how?)
Cain brought some of his crops, while Abel brought one of his innocent little lambs. Now the bible says that God accepted Abel’s sacrifice, but that he rejected Cain’s. Why? “I mean how fair is that God?” (Note to self… many offenses begin out of a sense of unfairness). But the reason that God rejected Cain’s offering was that Cain was trying to win His approval because of his hard work. Abel, on the otherhand, understood that God’s approval can’t be won by what we do… See, God’s acceptance of us comes only as a gift. The bible tells us in Eph. ____, “It’s by grace that we’re saved and not by works, that way we can’t boast and brag about it!”,
The killing of this little lamb, symbolized that the shedding of innocent blood is needed in order for sin to be eliminated from our lives. Sound familiar? Cain was rejecting God’s way, and coming up with his own way of getting right with God. How many people are doing that today? Trying to do “good works” as a way of getting right with God. The grain offering Cain was trying to bring was used to signify “fellowship”… but how many of you know that you can’t have fellowship with God, until you first deal with your sin problem?
Well, Cain took this whole thing personally, and as a result became offended not only at Abel… but at God! There are a lot of people today who become offended at God for something one of his children have done. God warned him about his offense, but as we said last week… offense leads to feelings of betrayal and betrayal leads to hatred. Cain refused to deal with his feelings of offense, became hardened in his heart and eventually took the last step in the digression of offense…he killed his brother! As a result, God dealt with Cain in Gen. 4:11-12 by saying…From now on, “…when you cultivate the ground, it shall no longer yield it’s strength to you; you shall be a vagrant and a wanderer on the earth.”
Now, I want you to notice Cain’s response to this punishment in vs. 14… “I shall be a vagrant and a wanderer on the earth, and it will come about that whoever finds me will kill me.” Is that part of God’s punishment? That whoever runs into him will try to kill him? NO! Not at all! As a result of his ‘offended spirit’ and sin, Cain had developed a persecution complex! He believed that ‘everyone’ was out to get him!
It’s the same today. Offended people believe that ‘everyone’ is out to get them. Be very careful of that word, “EVERYONE”… or ‘everybody’… because when you find it slipping into your vocabulary and thought life… it’s a sure sign that you’ve been offended. It’s NOT everyone and everybody… in fact it may be just a ‘few bodies’, or ‘nobody’ ! But no matter… it ‘feels’ like everybody!
How many of you know, you can’t always trust your feelings? In fact, when you start trusting your feelings… you’ll start reacting to things that aren’t even there, and weren’t ever said! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself exaggerating the ‘offense’ in my mind to the point of ridiculousness! The truth is, offended people ‘feel’ beat up and persecuted. Eventually becoming so sensitive and touchy that even the smallest offenses, (things that most of us wouldn’t give a 2nd thought)…become major attacks on their personhood.
John Bevere, in the “Bait of Satan” writes… “They feel as if they are modern-day Jeremiahs. It’s “just them and God”, with everyone else out to get them. They become unteachable. They comfort themselves that they are just a persecuted saint or prophet of God. They are suspicious of everyone. With this attitude it is difficult for them to see areas in their own lives that need change.” When a person picks up a “persecution complex” and stops acting and instead is always “reacting” to criticism… the next sign is not far behind…
3. Isolation: (this is where…) You stop listening and start REJECTING
People caught in the “offense trap”… (and who have been caught for a long time), slowly begin to isolate themselves from others. Their sphere of friends becomes smaller and smaller. I lit. watched this happen to a person who was a part of the church split I told you about last week. She became a ‘hermit’… hiding herself away from everyone, getting more and more depressed, (she’d come out her cave once a week to come to church and looked horrible!) She rejected every attempt to help her, until she ran off every friend she had! Because of the offended persons suspicion and mistrust of others… I’ve seen people start conducting themselves in a way that actually invites abuse (as strange as that may seem’). That’s because a closed mind is the hardest thing in the world to open!
I used to have a pastor friend like that. He’s been hurt so many times in his life by people in the church (either actually or in his mind, who knows?)... that now he shuns all accountability, and his hostile and defensive attitude actually causes more abuse and rejection. Prov. 18:1 says… (READ)
The 4th sign that you’ve been caught in the “offense trap” is found in the word…
4. Migration: You stop committing and start RUNNING
Do you know what a “Spiritual Vagabond” is? It’s a person who’s
been offended and hurt by something or someone… and instead of working through it… they run from it. It happens in relationships and churches all the time. Because they hold onto that offense so tightly, instead of working through it… they leave the marriage, or they leave the church, or the job… whatever.
At this point I feel I need to say something… Jesus was the only perfect pastor that ever lived. (repeat) In otherwords, there is no such thing as a perfect pastor! People leave churches many times because they forget the truth of that statement. They don’t leave because the pastor did something morally wrong… but because he did something they personally disagreed with. Maybe it’s the way he takes the offering. Maybe it’s the way money is spent… or they don’t like what the pastor preaches. He’s either not approachable or too familiar. Either he preaches too long, or what he preaches doesn’t “feed” them… the list goes on and on!
In fact I heard of one church who was almost impossible to please when it came to a pastor… here was their “Pastoral Search Report”…
Adam: good man but can’t control his wife, and enjoys walking nude in the woods.
Noah: former pastorate of 120 with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Moses: A modest, meek man, but stutters when he preaches. Left earlier church on murder charges.
Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all his wives.
Jonah: Refused to return our calls.
John: Says he’s Baptist, but has a weird diet and provokes denominational leaders.
Paul: Powerful leader, but been known to preach all night.
Jesus: Popular, church grew to 5000, but managed to offend them all. Single.
Judas: References solid. Good connections. Knows how to raise money. A definite possibility.
John Bevere, the author of the book, “The Bait of Satan” tells how he was in a church where the pastor was one of the best preachers in America. When he first began to attend the church, he’d sit with his mouth wide open in awe at the words that came out of his mouth. But as time passed, he was in a position where he saw this pastor’s personal flaws. After a while, he became critical and judgmental to the pt. that he no longer sensed any inspiration or anointing. Eventually he said he came to the pt. “…where he got nothing out of his messages”. What happened? Had the pastor suddenly become a terrible preacher? Or…was the fault with the listener? Maybe he wasn’t close enough to God to hear Him anymore, or maybe an offense entered into his heart and spoiled his ability to listen? I say He got offended at someone and instead of looking in his own heart… he blamed the preacher! “Man, I’m not getting anything out of your messages anymore!”
During that time Bevere came across a verse out of Isa. 55:12…
“For you shall go out with joy, and be led out in peace.” And this is what the Lord shared with him… When (or if) God instructs you to leave a church… no matter what the condition of the ministry…if it’s God’s will… you will always ‘go out with peace’! Know what? Most people don’t leave churches that way. (pause) Most people leave churches ‘offended’. What does it mean to leave a relationship or church in peace?
It means… you leave without the pressure to justify your departure to others… and...you leave without the desire to criticize or tell just your side of the story.
Reminds me of a story back in the days when settlers were moving West, a wise old man stood on a hill outside a new Western town. As the settlers came from the East, the wise man was the first person they met before coming into the new settlement. They always asked eagerly what the people in the new town were like… and he always answered them with a question… “Well, what were the people like in the town you just left?” Some said, “Oh, the town we just came from was wicked. The people were rude gossips who took advantage of innocent people. It was filled with thieves and liars!” The wise man answered, “This town is the same as the one you left!” They thanked the man for saving them from the trouble they had just come out of, and continued to move further west.
Then another group of settlers arrived and asked the same question: “What’s the town up ahead like?” The wise man answered their question with another question… “Well, what was the town like where you came from?” This time they responded, “Man, it was wonderful! We had dear friends. Everyone looked out for the others interests. People genuinely loved one another. There was never any lack because everyone cared for each other. We hated to leave, but we felt we needed to pave a way for future generations.” The wise old man told them exactly what he’d said to the previous group: “Well, then this town is just the same as the one you left!” These people responded with joy, “Okay, If that’s the case… we’ve found our new home!”
What am I saying? How you view your past relationships, your previous marriage, your past church, your previous pastor… is how you’ll eventually see your new one. The way you leave a church or a relationship is the same way you’ll enter your next church or relationship! That’s why Jesus said in Jn. 20:23… (READ)
We ‘preserve’ the sins of other people when we pick up an offense or harbor a resentment.
If we leave a church or a relationship resentful and embittered … we’ll enter the next church or relationship with the same attitude.
Do you know what that does in us? It makes it that much easier to leave our NEXT relationship or church when problems and offenses arise (as they surely will!). That’s why John Bevere calls people that move from church to church “spiritual vagabonds”. Like the “new Cains”, it’s possible to for us to wander around like “fugitives” from one church to another… looking for that perfect pastor…that perfect congregation… those perfect people who will meet all of our needs, and we’ll live happily ever after… without another strained relationship for the rest of our life. How many of you know that will never happen? It’s like I’ve said a 100x’s since I’ve been here. If you find a perfect church…whatever you do… DON’T JOIN IT! You’ll only succeed in messing it up!
Did you realize that statistics tell us that 60-65% of divorced persons end up getting a 2nd divorce after remarrying? Why is that?
I’ll tell you why…it’s because now we’re not only dealing with hurts from the present… but we’re dealing with the hurts from the past as well! And that’s too much pressure for any relationship to bear!
The path a person uses to leave their first marriage, is the same path they take in leaving their 2nd marriage. The only difference is …now it’s easier to do!
The unforgiveness and the bitterness that they hold against their 1st mate puts the relationship with their present mate in jeopardy. Because we’re so consumed with blaming that other person… we become blind to our own role… our own character flaws! Listen very carefully to what I’m about to say… when we hold onto an offense in our hearts… everything (and I mean everything!) is filtered through those hurts. As a result, it’s impossible to establish a healthy relationship with a person who’s left another relationship bitter and offended. Healing has to take place. Only Jesus Christ can bring that healing. That’s why it’s so critical to understand and learn how to forgive and reconcile in our present relationships.
Wouldn’t it be better to learn how to do that, than being condemned to repeat those same relational mistakes over and over, and over… the rest of our lives? At some pt. if we’re going to break the cycle of pain… (whether it’s now or later… better it’s now!) we’re going to have to make a stand, and learn how to deal with offenses when they come. And that’s the topic of next weeks message. “Escaping the Offense Trap!” Next week, I want to show you how you can successfully forgive that person who has offended you so deeply. Not so they can hurt you again… but on the contrary… so you can move on in life… free from the offense trap!
But until then… let me just leave you with one thought… (each week, I told you that I’d give you a way to escape the offense trap...) And this morning, as I conclude… I want you to just consider this one possibility. Just consider it! I’m not asking you to accept it (because I realize that some of you can’t even think about this right now) …
... but I just want you to allow this one simple thought to enter into the realm of possibility. Is it possible that…I mean, is it just remotely possible that the offense you’ve received…and the hurt that you’ve endured… could be used of God?… to make you a better, more complete, more mature person? Hmmm?
In the bible, there are two grk. words used to describe a “child of God”... the first word is “teknon”. In Rom. 8:16 we read... The word used there for “children” is “teknon”... and it speaks of a person who is a son or daughter by the mere fact that they were born into a certain family. When a person receives Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior... the bible tells us that he becomes a child of God, because he has been born again. They’ve had a new spiritual birth, and auto. become a part of God’s family.
Now the other grk. word translated “sons” in the N.T. is the grk. word... ‘huios’. This grk. word describes a person who can be identified as a son, because he displays the character, or characteristics of his parents. All of our kids were born to Rudonna and I by natural birth... but it wasn’t until later, as they grew and developed that we began to see the same personality traits that we had... in them! (Sometimes that’s good... sometimes, that’s not so good... sometimes it’s down right scary!) If you’re a parent, you know exactly what I’m talking about! So, to put it simply, “teknon” means “babies or immature sons”, and “huios” is used to describe “mature sons”. Sons who act like their parents!
Now look at this vs. from Heb.5:8... (READ) The word used for “Son” here is... “huios”... In otherwords, Jesus was a “mature & complete” Son, (a son who modeled His heavenly Father)... because of the things He suffered in obedience.
It’s like this... Physical growth is a function of time. (You don’t find many 6 ft. tall 2 yr. olds!). Intellectual growth is a function of learning... BUT... Spiritual growth is neither one... Spiritual growth is a function of obedience. Just as Jesus learned obedience by the things He suffered, WE learn obedience by the difficult things we suffer. We grow in character and maturity as we learn to obey God, and act in a God pleasing way in difficult situations. So if we want to become mature children of God, reflecting His character and personality... there’s only one way to do that... through difficulties. God will use suffering as a way to develop us into mature persons.
Is that what you want this morning? Do you want to be a mature child, reflecting the person of Jesus Christ? If so, then you better get used to suffering and offenses! Now, you can begin to understand why people can be in the church for 20 years, and quote all the right verses... people who’ve heard 1000’s of sermons... and read 100’s of books... but still wear spiritual diapers!
It’s because everytime they come up against difficult situations, or relational conflicts... they run, or they try to protect themselves in their own way.
II Tim. 3:7 describes them as... “always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth”. They never come to the knowledge of the truth because they never apply it in their own lives, in their own relationships. See the key to maturity in the Christian life isn’t knowledge... it’s obedience. Believe me, if God used difficulties in Jesus to make him a complete Son… do you think He might use the same technique in us? Listen…God can use “offenses” in your life to develop maturity and bring spiritual growth... but you’ve got to let Him. You’ve got to be willing to learn obedience by forgiving and working towards restoration.
We’ll talk more about how to do that next week...
PRAYER
1. Have you been stunted in your spiritual growth?
2. Are you beginning to develop a persecution complex?
3. Is your circle of relationships shrinking smaller and smaller
because of mistrust and past hurts?
4. Are you a “spiritual vagabond”?
If answered yes to any of those questions, then there’s a good chance that you’ve been caught in Satan’s trap of offense.
