Everyone look under seat – if you have a tape X come on up I’ve got something for you (have 3 people come up – two get a candy bar, one gets some carrot sticks).
Why did I do that? You’ll know in just a few minutes.
We’re taking a look at love this month. Not the mushy kind of love – but the kind of love God displays toward us, and that we are called upon to display toward those around us.
I don’t know about you – but I’m getting challenged all week as I prepare these messages. It’s one thing to TALK about love – and quite another to actually BE loving like God is!
Let’s read together our text, which is found in 1Corinthians 13…
1Cor. 13:1-4 (NIV) If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
Love does not envy.
• Love is content.
It is easy for us to understand what envy is when it comes to materialism. We see someone who possesses something we wish we could have – and we start envying them. But how does envy enter into our relationships with each other?
• I could envy someone else’s spouse, wishing my spouse were more like that person (or that I had a spouse).
• I could envy someone else’s children, wishing my kids were more like them.
• I could envy someone’s friends, wishing my friends were more like them.
• I could envy someone’s personality and gifts, wishing I were more like them.
The problem with envy is that whenever we start envying what we don’t have, it’s like cancer in our existing relationships.
Prov. 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
How does envy rot the bones? It makes us discontent. It makes us feel like we’ve been treated unfairly by people or by God. It makes us feel like we’ve been “passed over” when all the good stuff was handed out. But love is not like that.
ILLUS: A few minutes ago most of you discovered that you had not “won” a prize because you sat in the wrong seat. How did you feel toward those who did win?
And how did the one feel who “won” the carrot sticks instead of the candy bar?
It’s a silly example I know – but it does demonstrate how we tend to envy those who get nice things – even if were quite content before they got it!
When my neighbor gets something really nice – like a brand new car – envy can rise up so quickly.
But if my children receive something really nice – a new bike or an award at school – I don’t get bent out of shape – I’m happy for them. Why? Because I love them. When you love someone you rejoice with their successes and do not try to bring them “back to your level” with envy and bitterness.
How do you react when the people around you get something nicer than you have? If their husband seems more helpful and kind than yours. If their wife seems to be more supportive of her husband than your wife is of you. If their kids are able to sit nice and quietly through church better than yours.
Let me encourage you to stop the beginnings of envy before they grow with a simple phrase: “good for them”. Rather than “how’d they get so lucky” or “I wish the people in MY life were like that” simply say “good for them”.
Love says “thank you God for these people in my life. They are not perfect, but neither am I. Thank you for allowing me to be in relationship with these people. Help me to accept these people.”
I’m not very good at this one. It is much more natural for me to envy than it is for me to be content. Love doesn’t do that. Love doesn’t compare people to impossible standards and wish they were different before you accept them. Because love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
• Love is humble.
This characteristic of love is the opposite of the last one. Love does not envy what other people have – and it doesn’t Lord what it does have over other people either!
Have you ever been around someone who thought they were just so great? How much do you like being around them? Not so much.
If you find someone who constantly talks about themselves and their talents and gifts and good qualities, I’ll show you a person who is actually pretty insecure in who they are.
Boasting is really just a way that insecure people go around fishing for compliments from others. The problem is, when you draw attention to your own accomplishments you end up sending people away rather than getting what you really desire from them: friendship.
If we put this description of love in it’s context here in 1 Cor 13, it’s important to remember that Paul has been talking about spiritual gifts. Just as it is wrong to envy the spiritual gifts that other might have that you don’t have – it is also unloving to boast of the gifts you have been given by God and use them in such a way as to impress others.
This seemed to be a problem in Corinth when it came to some of the more “supernatural” of the spiritual gifts. People evidently were using the gifts of speaking in tongues and prophecy in ways that were drawing attention to themselves rather than building up the church.
And so this whole chapter is written to say – if you’ve been gifted by God in certain ways – then thank God for those gifts and use them. Just don’t act like you are somehow superior to other people who don’t have those gifts. Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
• Love is willing to serve others. (Mark 10:42-45, John 13:14-16)
In some very foundational teaching to his disciples, Jesus taught (as well as lived) what it means that love is not proud:
Mark 10:42 Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.
Mark 10:43 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,
Mark 10:44 and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.
Mark 10:45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
John 13:14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.
John 13:15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
John 13:16 I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.
There is a great temptation in life to put yourself “above” certain people or “above” certain jobs that need to be done.
Jesus could very well have instructed his disciples to wash his feet. He was in authority over them – they were devoted to him and would have done it. But instead he took the basin and the towel and he washed their feet.
Instead of Lording his position of authority and influence over them, he demonstrated his love for them in his willingness and desire to serve them.
Men – once upon a time the man of the family went out and worked while the wife stayed home and managed the home. Under that arrangement it seemed OK to expect the wife to do certain tasks that were relegated to “women’s work”. But in today’s culture with husbands and wives working and the busy schedules families keep, there is no longer room for you to consider yourself “above” the tasks that need to be done to keep the household running. One of the greatest ways you can show love to your wife is to help her. Do the dishes. Clean the floors. Scrub the toilets. Change the diapers. Love is not proud.
In a church when you love the people here you also are not too proud to do some of the less glamorous jobs. Setup on Saturday 3:00pm is pretty much the “foot washing” job. (and we need people to commit to doing this once a month!)
TRANS: but there is one other very important part of knowing that Love is not proud…
• Love apologizes and asks for forgiveness.
We’ve all been there. In a moment of weakness or stupidity or anger or misunderstanding we MESS UP! And that mess up can cause a break in a relationship. What we do after we realize we’ve messed up will show whether the love we have for that person is not proud. Are we going to own up to our mistakes and say we’re sorry or are we going to let our pride get in the way.
Unfortunately I had a big opportunity recently to practice what I’m preaching here.
There was someone in our church who I went to and talked to about a sin in their life. I felt I was doing the right thing. I felt I needed to have this conversation with this person. I sincerely wanted this person to repent of this sin. But somewhere along the way I stopped listening in our conversation. The person told me that the sin I was discussing with them was not happening. But I didn’t believe them – and instead starting “laying down the law”.
Predictably, this person did not appreciate my attitude and my judgmental actions toward them, and I later received a request to be removed from our mailing list and was told this person would be finding a new church to attend.
This really upset me. I thought, “God – didn’t I do what you were calling me to do.” (At that point I couldn’t see what I had done wrong.) The last thing I wanted was for this person to leave our church!
It wasn’t until a week later in a discussion with Dave Browning about what had happened and how I had handled it that I started to see my errors. I had not really listened to what the person was saying. I had started taking the role of the Holy Spirit – when the Holy Spirit was already doing just fine without my help.
So…I called this person up and said I wanted to sit down with him face to face because I needed to apologize. A few days later we were able to sit down at Starbucks and I was able to lay my pride down and just say “I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me.”
We talked for a good hour that night – and we were able to move past the misunderstandings and the hurt I had caused. And I’m happy to say this person is still coming to our church.
But it would not have happened if I had held onto my pride and waited for this other person to change THEIR minds.
After this all happened I was reminded of a couple of important verses:
Prov. 18:12 Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.
It takes humility to admit you messed up. But when we truly love people we are not too proud to do just that. The good news is that we receive grace from God when we lose our pride and act in humility toward those we love:
1Pet. 5:5 All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
I know that God was giving me grace as I sat with that man and apologized. And rather than being in opposition to God – at that point he was totally on my team!
Love is not proud.
CONCLUSION:
As I wrap things up I just want to ask you a few questions.
• Would the people around you describe you as a content person or as an envious person?
• Would the people around you describe you as a humble person or a boastful person?
• Would the people around describe you as one who is willing to serve and who owns your mistakes, or as a proud person?
As I’ve talked, perhaps one of these 3 descriptions of love has hit you as one that needs some attention this week. Maybe there is someone you need to apologize to. Maybe you’ve realized that envy is poisoning a relationship and you’d like some prayer about that. Maybe you’ve realized you’re boastful attitude about yourself is hurting your relationships.
Whatever it is – let’s take that to the Lord in prayer right now.
