"GRANDPARENTING YOUR CHILDREN"
TITUS 2:1-5
INTRODUCTION:
"Where’s Our Old Fashioned Grandma?"
"Where did the Grandma of yesterday go? The Grandma that took all the kids to the show; who stopped by to chat & before we could ask it; had tackled the laundry that spilled from the basket.
Who offered to mend and made the girls dresses; and who pitched in to help with the toddler made messes;
Who came on the run when the kids needed sitting; and brought along story books, cookies & knitting.
The millennium Grandma knows how to run a computer;
she watches the market and buys stocks that suit her.
She dons a pink smock for the hospital lobby;
and has taken up sky diving - just for a hobby.
She’s gone back to College to get a degree;
and zips around town in her bright yellow Z.
Grandma’s still here and there’s no one to match her;But call before 8 or you simply won’t catch her."
The image of Grandparents has certainly changed over the years. Back in the 40’s and 50’s the image of Grandpa and Grandma were white haired, usually over 60, and retired. But research in the new millennium shows us that the new version of Grandma may be slender, attractive stylishly dressed and have an active career. Grandpa is no longer sitting on his front porch in his rocking chair, spinning old yarns either. He’s more likely to be driving a sports car on the way to the golf course. Today’s Grandpa and Grandma will be around to help with the kids but only if they are not traveling in their R.V. or working themselves. What’s contributed to the change in image of Grandparents in the last generation? A number of things: People are taking better care of themselves through advanced medicine, better diets, they have fewer children and thus shorter parenting stints and they are living longer. But while the image of Grandparents may be different the importance of Grandparents has not changed. Listen to these 2 verses of Scripture that speak of the influence we have on our children and grandchildren.
1) Numbers 14:18- “The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love.. Yet He does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.” Now, that doesn’t mean that children are "zapped" because of something Grandpa or even Great Grandma did. But it is simply pointing out that the sin that we commit today may have lasting and devastating effects tomorrow. And the negative examples of parents and grandparents can be contagious and the consequences of that sin may be reaped for many generations.
2) But there is a plus side too. 2 Tim. 1:5. Paul tells Timothy, “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice.” Christian grandparents have a tremendous opportunity to inspire their grandchildren to faith in God. And that is so important to understand because I believe Satan is mounting an all out attack on young people today - drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, suicide, humanism. And Grandparents, you are the second line of defense against that attack. You’re not the primary line, that’s the parent’s job but too often the 1st line breaks down or the front line needs reinforcements -you’re it!
So, let’s talk about how the extended family can reinforce Christian values. The American family needs every possible resource available and Grandparents can be of great assistance- if they are alert and parents are receptive. In Titus 2 there are some helpful lessons for all who are concerned about the role of Grandparents in the home.
I. THE GRANDPARENT ROLE IS IMPORTANT - SHOW RESPECT:
The 1st lesson is to understand the importance of the Grandparent role. In our text that Kelley read, Paul tells Titus to pay attention to the older men and the older women in the Church because they can influence how the younger men and women live. They can set a very positive tone for the Church and the family.
Now, unlike Oriental cultures and the culture of Biblical days- we tend to disrespect people as they grow older. We put a high value on appearance and achievement which are characteristics which decline as people age. As a result, a lot of older people feel worthless and they feel they are unwanted and in the way. So, they stand on the fringe not wanting to impose themselves on anybody.
But I think Christian families need to reverse that attitude. Our homes should be places where there is an increasing respect for older people. I’m not suggesting that grandparents become patriarchs and dominate every decision. But let’s have a respect and appreciation for the counsel of the older. Our “senior saints” and grandparents have two very valuable commodities to contribute. 1) is wisdom that comes through experience. Job 12:12- "Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?" Wisdom is an insight about life that has nothing to do with education or IQ. It comes only through experience. 2) is that grandparents have time to be of assistance. Parents are so busy trying to climb the employment and financial barriers put before them. But Grandparents are often retired, they have nothing to prove and may be able to fill in the time gaps for a traveling father or career mother.
James Dobson relates this essay written by a 9 year old girl about Grandparents, listen to what she says: "A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. She likes other people’s little girls and boys. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes for walks with the boys and they talk about fishing and stuff like that. Grandmother’s don’t have to do anything but.. be there. Their old, so they shouldn’t play too hard or run. It’s enough if they drive us to the market where the pretend horse is and have plenty of quarters ready. Or if they take us for walks they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. Usually, grandmother’s are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear, they can take their teeth and gums off! When they read to us they don’t skip or mind it if it is the same story again. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have TV- because they’re the only grown-ups who have time." Your role is important! And even if you do not have children of your own there are children in the Church family that do not get to be with their Grandparents much and you could fill in admirably for them.
By the way parents, you can help develop within your children respect for their Grandparents and older people. It doesn’t come naturally, Your going to have to teach them. You give them as much exposure as possible. Prov. 17:6 reads: "Grandchildren are the crown of an old man." Now, it used to be with the extended family living closer or in the same household that you didn’t have to worry about exposure. But now, many of us have to make an extra effort. With the mobility of our society we have found it much harder, in many cases to give that needed exposure. That’s one of the hard things about having our parents 2000 miles away. So it’s important for us and for them to take the extra effort and initiative to see each other.
Parents, don’t allow your children to ridicule or make fun of their grandparents or older people in general. Children are always tempted to make fun of the way people walk or talk or drive. And it’s only natural that your children point out some idiosyncrasies of grandparents, but be careful, make sure they aren’t permitted to belittle them. And teach your children to express appreciation. When they receive gifts from Grandpa and Grandma have them sit down and write a thank-you note. Brag on your parents to your children. Tell them how grandpa used to fix cars or how grandma baked the best cake; show pictures of your parents to them of what they looked like when they were young. Your kids won’t believe it!
But most importantly, you let your children see you respect your parents. You call your parents on father’s day and mother’s day. You check up on them regularly, you spend time with them even at the expense of your own ambitions. The role is important, show respect, after all, it will be yours someday!
II. GRANDPARENTS NEED TO BE WORTHY OF RESPECT -SHOW REVERENCE
The 2nd lesson Titus teaches us is that grandparents need to be worthy of respect so, you show reverence. Vs:2- “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and endurance.” And vs:3 starts for the older women with the word, “Likewise..” Sometimes we complain that young people don’t respect us when we are not living a life that is worthy of it. So Paul gives this instruction to Titus to teach.. First the older men- (1) Be temperate- Now this usually applies to being moderate in our drinking or eating and that’s certainly part of this. But grandparents need to also be temperate in a couple of other areas. Be temperate in giving advice. Give it sparingly and be sensitive to the right timing. Be temperate with money: don’t over indulge. Grandparents who give out super lavish gifts at Christmas & birthdays can teach wrong values to their grandchildren just as easily as parents. So, Grandparents be temperate with material gifts even if they are welcomed by all- because too much too soon is not healthy.
(2) Be “worthy of respect” which has to do with setting a positive moral example. The word respect here could be translated “dignified.” They don’t laugh or wink at immorality, vulgarity or sin, but hold to a high spiritual and moral standard.
(3)Be self-controlled. The word can be translated “sensible.” They’re to have discernment, discretion & judgement that comes from walking with the Lord for years. They control their temptation to meddle, control their own sinful tendencies and by example, demonstrate a life of sound judgement & spiritual character.
(4) Then Paul gives a trilogy of words to describe how they are to be “sound” or healthy & whole. He says be “sound in faith, in love and in endurance.” Being sound in the faith is the most important. Grandparents you continue to trust God, show your children and grandchildren that you do not doubt the sufficiency of his Word. If you lose your faith then what have you taught your grandchildren? You hold onto your Biblical values- Don’t say, "Well, that grandboy of mine has sure got salty language but I guess that’s the way they talk these days." -OR- "That Granddaughter of mine is living with a man not her husband but I guess times have changed- we’ll just have to adjust." NO! There may be some things that culturally change that you have to adjust to like trends in music or the pace of life but You stand firm on Biblical values. Parents need all the help they can get to teach Biblical absolutes. Set the right example and stay the course. That may mean you say, "Look, when you come to our house you don’t talk that way." -OR- "When you are under my roof you don’t sleep in the same room as your boy-friend." They need that! Be sound in the faith.
But wrap your soundness in doctrine by being sound in love. I heard one preacher that said, "I love my grandchildren so much, I wish I had had them first." Grandparents can be a source of unconditional love. Now, don’t get the attitude that some have- "This is great because I can lavish all the love I want without any discipline." You don’t show love, like that, anymore than parents do. And parents you make sure your parents and children understand that when the kids are with them the grandparents are the authority and will discipline just like you would.
By the way, Grandparents on this subject of being sound in love, you make sure that’s demonstrated to each other. Your grandchildren need to see you as an example of a triumphant, Godly marriage. They need to see a love that hasn’t died. few things undermine the stability of the extended family more than Grandpa and Grandma having marriage problems after 40 years. Let your grand-kids see you hold hands and kissing good-bye and bragging what a great lover he or she still is.. well, that may not be necessary. But let them know that your marriage in Jesus Christ is a wonderful thing and they may eventually say, "Man, that’s what I want for my marriage."
And then hang on, being strong in endurance. Persevere. There is a real tendency for the older folks, who have had responsibility in the Church to start backing off, not to be as involved, to say, "Well, I’ve done my thing." And maybe you can’t do all you could when you were younger but you can do something! And remember, your grand-children have never seen all the things you’ve done in the past- they need to see you involved in the present. They need to see you actively serving on a ministry team, helping with programs for the Sr. Saints, visiting people, writing cards. Tit. 2:7 "in everything set them an example by doing what is good." That doesn’t stop with age.
Then Paul turns his counsel to the older women in vs:3. He says, “Ladies: 1) Be reverent in the way you live. That word could be translated “holiness. Once again it’s the character that’s important. Young people do not need Grandma’s who pretend to be "hip", who want to prove how "world-wise" they are. They need Grandma’s who are "Godly, wise" -reverent toward God.
2) Resist being a gossip. Someone said, "Big people talk about ideas- average people talk about events- but little people talk about others." Don’t become bitter as you grow older and become slanderous and critical of others. Be living examples of Eph. 4:29 which says, “..let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up..”
3)Then Paul says, don’t become dependent or put your trust only in chemicals. Now, that’s not to say, “don’t take medicine” but to counsel you not to put your ultimate trust on the bottle or pills. You lean on the Lord.
4) And in vs:4 Paul says that the older women are to teach what is good and to take the initiative to train the younger women to what? "To love their husbands and children, to be self- controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands." How our young wives and mothers need your wisdom in this area. Many young women today will admit to being out of synch when it comes to their priorities and keeping a proper balance of home, work and leisure. You can help them with that.
And then Paul gives the purpose for the older man and women to do these things. It is that no one will malign the Word of God. Your Grandchildren will be able to say to the peers that ridicule their Christian lifestyle- "Why do you do that?" “That’s old fashioned!" "I do it because it works- it worked for Grandma, for Grandpa."
So, the role is important, the life you lead needs to be worthy of respect and then...
III. GRANDPARENTS NEED TO SHARE YOUR INFLUENCE:
Grandparents you make sure you seize every opportunity to share your influence, but do it rightly. It can be a difficult balance. If you’re too aggressive it can be counter productive. If you’re too passive you won’t influence anybody. Let’s close with 5 guidelines for godly grandparenting. Here’s suggestions to reinforce the home.
(1) Don’t interfere or counterman the parent’s discipline. This is a cardinal rule that almost should never be broken. Even if you disagree how your children are disciplining your grandchildren; keep quiet. Don’t say- "Go ahead and let them eat that chocolate, it’s not going to harm them- you’re just on a health food kick." -OR- "Don’t you think it’s time that he starts mowing the grass? He’s lazy!" -OR- "You’re not letting her go out dressed like that are you?" Now, I know grandparents, it’s hard to keep quiet because you’re right and you have a lot of wisdom. But look at what happens negatively when you nag and interfere. It makes your children irate. Even if you’re right it cannot be taken any other way but as interference. 2) It also undermines your credibility with your grandchildren. They see the parents reaction and see inconsistency where they should see consistency. Grandparents, let me say in love what your children would like to say to some of you. “Please keep quiet- don’t interfere. Don’t drop subtle hints, don’t make critical comments. You had your chance to make mistakes allow us some space to make ours.” Then, when your children ask you for counsel you can give it and it’ll have a better chance of sinking in. So, when asked, give your advice in love, then be quiet again.
Wayne Smith, preacher in Lex. KY, loves his mother who is in her 70’s but he says she still treats him like a child. He says, she’s a dictator, the only difference between her and Adolph Hitler is she’s a Christian but still a dictator, so bossy. He tells of one day taking her home from Church and he stopped at an ice cream store and as soon as he stopped she said, "Wayne, since when do we buy ice cream on the Lord’s day?" Wayne said, "We don’t mother and he just took her home." Now he says after he dropped her off he went back to the ice cream store. And he says, "Now, you may think that’s hypocritical but God will forgive me, she won’t." Grandparents, resist the temptation to meddle. Your kids are grown up now, don’t interfere, treat them as adults.
(2) Make every effort to support the parents. It goes beyond the negative of not interfering. You be positive and supportive when you can. You say to your grandkids, "Now, that’s what Dad and Mom think is best and God has put them in authority, so you obey and you’ll please God." Do what you can to learn the boundaries in your children’s home for their children and support them. Don’t say, "Hey, if you come stay with me you can go to that movie." -OR- "If you’ll come with me we’ll go get that toy." Children will act like you’re the hero at first but it will create insecurity. Children need the security of knowing that the boundaries at Grandpa’s and Grandma’s are the same as at home. You are the second line of defense, don’t break down. And here’s a tough one. Make every effort to be supportive even if the parents are divorced. You may be bitter against that daughter-in-law, son-in-law, but don’t belittle and criticize them to your grandchildren. Grandparents are often the unnoticed victims of divorce. Because their relationship with the grandchildren becomes less significant and they’re hurt because they lose their close touch with their grandchildren. That’s why we have the Supreme Court listening to arguments about visitation rights for grandparents. But grandpa & grandma, you set the spiritual standard and make every effort not to lash out.
(3) Listen to your Grandchildren. Your advice is great but sometimes we can bore our grandchildren with our "good ole days" talk. "Why when I was your age, I used to walk to school in 2 feet of snow and it was uphill both coming and going!" Give your grandchildren an opportunity to talk and listen carefully to what they say.
I heard about a 4 year old staying with his Grandma and he said, "Grandma, I want `unch’." She said, "You want what?" "I want `unch’." She said, "You mean, you want lunch!" "Yes, I want `unch’." Grandma said, "I’m not gong to give it to you until you say it correctly. Now, what do you want?" "I want `unch’." She said, "Say it right, what do you want?" He finally looked at her in exasperation and said, "Grandma, read my `ips’!" Pay attention to what they are saying, read their heart as well as their lips. That takes patience but your listening will encourage them.
(4) Laugh with them. Prov. 17:22- "A cheerful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Don’t be negative, sour, complaining, it dries up the bones. But a merry heart does good. Let them see some joy in your life. We have video’s of Deb’s Dad rolling on the floor with our kids singing this little ditty that makes all the children in the family laugh.. My father tells dumb jokes and then laughs and says, “That’s a good one kids, write it down!” Don’t be afraid to be silly, laugh with them.
(5) But most importantly- Share your faith with them. Prov. 13:22 reads, "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children." Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean money. You let your grandchildren see you pray for them- not just for the food but for them- by name. You talk about the Lord when you’re with them- bring them to Church with you and let them see that you take it seriously. Then one day when they have trouble they may remember the strength of your commitment to God. Now, if your children are not Christians or if they are uncommitted believers that may take some creativity on your part. It’s not easy to watch your grandchildren go through life without being provided a strong, spiritual foundation. Maybe you need to simply ask your children if you can bring them to church, or volunteer to take them on Saturday night and Sunday so your children can have some time alone.. of course, bringing them to Sunday School and church. But most of all let them see your life in the Lord!
Grandparents, may it be said of our grandchildren as it was of Timothy- "I know of your sincere faith.. it lived first in your Grandmother..” & in your Grandfather
