What are two of the most popular comedies in syndication (reruns) on television right now? Seinfeld and Friends. Why do these shows continue to be so popular even after the show has ended? Is it because they are so well written and funny? Well probably. But it is interesting that they share something in common, both shows revolve around the friendships of a small group of people. Maybe I’m reading more into the show than it deserves, but I believe the reason the show maintains its popularity is not only because of its humor but because it connects with people’s deeper desire, the desire to connect with another person or person’s who will stick with us, who will be there for us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. In other words, a friend. Deep down, whether we realize it or not, we have a need for friendships. God has wired us to need real meaningful relationships with himself first, and with other people. But God hasn’t just wired us to need just any kind of friendship because most of us have friends. The kind of friend God wants us to have is a friend like Jonathan, who demonstrates what a true friendship is like.
We continue in our summer series on “Lessons from the Life of David” with the extraordinary friendship between David and Jonathan. Prior to our passages this morning, the boy David had just killed the Philistine giant Goliath and was brought before King Saul. In our first verse this morning, David had just finished talking with Saul about his victory, and for the first time it mentions the friendship between David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan. Although David and Jonathan probably already knew each other because David had served in Saul’s court, there is no indication that prior to this occasion they had become friends. The passage doesn’t explain how they met, over what occasion, or how they first became friends. It just tells us that “Jonathan’s soul became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.” The soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David. The imagery is of tying two cords together. The same word is used by God in his instructing the Israelites to bind His word upon their forehead and their hands. If we apply that concept to the knitting together of David’s and Jonathan’s souls it is a picture of an inseparable bond between friends.
In verse 3, it goes on to say that Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him. A covenant is an like a promise, however it differs from a promise in that it is never meant to be broken, like a marriage vow, or like God’s covenant he made with Abraham and Moses, the eternal promises God made. The Bible doesn’t tell us what the covenant David and Jonathan made, but I can imagine it is like the covenant childhood friends share together, a covenant to be friends forever.
1. A True Friend is Willing to Sacrifice
After Jonathan made a covenant with David, he demonstrated his commitment to friendship with David by giving him things which were very personal to him. In 18:4 it says:
NIV 1 Samuel 18:4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
Jonathan gave David his robe, which would have been a royal robe, given only to the crown prince. Jonathan’s sword, bow, and belt, would have symbolized his power. Jonathan was making a sacrifice to demonstrate to his friend that nothing would get in the way of their friendship including his status as prince, his reputation, or even his family as we will see. Jonathan had a lot more to lose in his friendship with David than David did with Jonathan. Jonathan was the prince, David was only a shepherd boy. Jonathan came from an influential family with wealth. David came from a modest family with no influence.
Later Jonathan sacrificed more than just his robe and armor, he put his own life in danger to defend David before King Saul, when King Saul wanted to kill David. On one occasion Jonathan had to dodge a spear thrown by his father Saul because Jonathan defended David. Which brings us to our first characteristic of a true friend, a true friend is willing to sacrifice for the friendship.
Sometimes being a true Christian friend means we need to make sacrifices for our friends. Are we willing to share things which are very important to us? Are we willing to go a second mile with a friend when they are going through difficult times? A true Christian friend is unselfish and willing to share of themselves with others.
One of my truest friends is my wife. She has made numerous sacrifices for me. The greatest sacrifice was to head off with me to seminary without any housing, without any job, without our house being sold. She stepped out in faith. Then when God supplied every one of those things, she was willing to work full time for four years to put me through school. To me that was a sacrifice.
Would you be willing to help a friend get a promotion even if you are trying for that same promotion? Christian friendships are not just about what you can do for me, but what I can do to help you in any way I can. How many people have friendships just to make themselves look good, or to get something from someone. That is not the kind of friend God has called us to be as Christians.
We know this because Jesus demonstrated the ultimate form of sacrifice for the sake of friendship. Listen to what Jesus said to his disciples:
NRS John 15:13 No one has greater love than this, than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
The true sign of friendship is sacrificing, self-giving. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice by laying down his life for his friends. Who are Jesus’ friends? Those who love Jesus, follow him, and obey his commands. Jesus wants everyone to be his friend.
Even if you have no other friend in the world, the most important friend you can have is Jesus. Think about it, he loves us unconditionally, he already demonstrated his willingness to sacrifice to give of himself for our benefit by dying on a cross, and he’s available 24/7, who better to have as a best friend?
NIV James 2:23 "Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness," and he was called God’s friend.
Would you call yourself a friend of God’s, or a friend of Jesus’?
2. A True Friend is loyal defense before others
Sacrificing for a friend also means we are willing to go to bat for them when they aren’t there. We are a loyal defense before others who might try to ridicule them. What do you say about when someone talks about your friend behind their back, do you say nothing or even join in the gossip to save yourself from ridicule, or do you stand up and defend them?
In our second passage from 1 Sam. 19, King Saul decided he was going to kill David, and it was Jonathan who stepped in to defend David in his absence. Verse 4 says:
NIV 1 Samuel 19:4 Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, "Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly. 5 He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The LORD won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad. Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?"
Jonathan defended David before his own father the king, proving that friends stick up for one another, they watch each others backs even if it might mean being ridiculed, persecuted, made fun of in the process. On the other hand compare Jonathan with David’s first wife (Jonathan’s sister), Michal. When their father Saul tried to kill David Jonathan loyally defended David. Michal did help David escape, however when Saul questioned why she let David escape she replied, “He said to me, ‘Let me get away. Why should I kill you?’” In other words, she made it seem as though David made her do it, it wasn’t her choice. David’s wife was more concerned about saving her own skin than telling the truth and defending David.
True friends sacrifice and stick up for each other. Do you stick up for your friends when they are not around?
3. A True Friend Encourages
Years later King Saul came after David again to kill him, this time David had to flee from city to city, frequently living in caves. On one particular occasion, David had to flee into the desert to escape Saul’s pursuit. The Bible says:
NAU 1 Samuel 23:16 And Jonathan, Saul’s son, arose and went to David at Horesh, and encouraged him in God. 17 "Don’t be afraid," he said. "My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this."
Jonathan knew David was discouraged. David had been running from Saul for quite some time, he was tired. We know David was questioning God wondering why God was so slow in giving him justice, why God was not punishing Saul for his unjust pursuit of David. We might say his faith was getting a little low. Jonathan took a chance and went searching for David just so he could lift his spirits to encourage him, bolster him while he was down. The second characteristic of a true friend is that a true friend encourages.
God wants us to be friends who encourage others when they are down, but not just any kind of encouragement, but like Jonathan to encourage or strengthen them in God. What’s the difference? Any friend can encourage, but it takes a Christian friend to point us back to God. A Christian friend realizes there is only so much they can do to help, they realize their friend needs God’s help. When Jonathan encourage David he knew his father wouldn’t lay a hand on David because God was with David, even if it didn’t seem like it at the moment. David was going to survive and eventually become king, by God’s hand.
The Apostle Paul reminded the church in one of his letters (1 Thess.) that it is the responsibility of Christians to encourage and build each other up.
NLT 1 Thessalonians 5:11 So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
Are you a source of encouragement for your friends? Do you have a friend that encourages you and builds you up in your faith pointing you back to God? Do you have someone who moves you forward in your faith, particularly when times are tough?
The Methodist’s had a tradition of small group (class & band meetings) to encourage and build one another up in the Lord. This fall we will be encouraging everyone to participate in a small group to build up and encourage one another.
4. A True Friend Perseveres (Loyalty)
At one point in David’s life, the friendship of David and Jonathan was tested. David knew that King Saul, Jonathan father, was after David to kill him because he was jealous, but when he went to Jonathan he didn’t believe it. Who was Jonathan going to trust? David who claimed Jonathan’s father was trying to murder David, or his father. Jonathan was between a rock and a hard place. So Jonathan agreed to David’s plan to determine his fathers true intentions. David didn’t show up for dinner at the king’s table. The first night Jonathan made an excuse for David and Saul let it go, but the second night when Jonathan made an excuse for David, Saul got so mad he took his spear out and threw it at Jonathan. Fortunately Jonathan was fast enough to get out of the way, and the motives of his father became clear. Their friendship persevered even through the tough times.
When Jim Bakker, founder of PTL, was asked about the fall of PTL, and the scattering of all the people close to him including his friends he commented, “I didn’t lose any friends…I just discovered who my true friends are.”
NIV Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times,
Christians are not fair weather friends, but are loyal and persevere through the difficult times too.
Conclusion
Many of us have friends, but do we have the kind of friends which God desires for us to have? Do we have a Jonathan in our life?
NIV Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Do we have friends who sticks closer than a brother? Who care for us enough to sacrifice for us, do we have a friend who encourages us, builds us up, and prods us along in our relationship with God. Do you have a friend who is honest with you, and sticks with you through thick and thin? Is there a Jonathan in your life whom you can share your deepest concerns, and not judge you, someone you can trust to be there in the worst of times?
Or even better yet are you being a Jonathan to your friends? We must be a Jonathan before we can expect others to be Jonathan’s for us. We’re all looking for these kind of friendships but are we willing to be the kind of people that others want to be friends with? Are our friends better because they’ve been our friends?
But we won’t automatically be this kind of friend. The only way to be this kind of a friend is to first be a friend in Jesus.
