What is love, from a kid’s point of view?
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love."
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
"Love is when someone hurts you, and you get so mad, but you don’t yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings."
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is okay."
"Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
"You really shouldn’t say ’I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
That’s what kids think. But what is love, really? What does it look like? How can it be defined?
Last week we took a look at the first 3 verses of 1 Cor. 13 and were reminded that nothing beats love. No spiritual gift you may have or desire to have will ever be more important than having and expressing authentic Christian love for other people.
1Cor. 13:1-4 (NIV) If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Paul then goes on over the next 4 verses to describe love in many different ways. That’s because love is easier to describe than to define – you know that someone loves you when you see these types of attitudes and actions coming from them to you. AND – even more importantly, you know you really love someone else when your relationship with them is marked by these attitudes and actions. Over the next few weeks we’re going to examine these descriptions of love and at the same time examine ourselves to see if we pass the “love” test in our most meaningful relationships as well as with those in our church body and even those outside these relationships. Let’s jump in today with two simple descriptions of love, from 1 Cor. 13:4:
4 Love is patient, love is kind….
Love is patient.
Before I give all my answers, let me throw out this question: What do you think it means that “love is patient”?
Love gives people time to change.
There is something about human nature that tends to minimize our own faults and magnify others’ faults. When it comes time for others to put up with our faults and weaknesses – we are so generous. “Just give me time, I’ll get it!” But when it comes to putting up with the faults of others, we can get really bent out of shape waiting for them to get things straightened out.
When you love someone – you extend to them the same grace you hope they will extend to you.
As a parent this is a constant challenge for me. Sometimes I dream about what it would be like if my kids only needed me to say things once – and they would never need a reminder or a correction or a discipline again. That would be awesome! But it would make them robots, too!
Because I want to extend to others the type of love that God has extended to me, I need to give people time to change.
Love is willing to wait for what it desires.
There is one very obvious application of this truth – and that is in the area of physical touch and sexual relations.
Lust is impatient. Lust wants to be gratified – now! But love, if that is what is really going on, is willing to wait for gratification until the circumstances are pleasing to God – AFTER the wedding vows are spoken!
Single women – don’t fall for any stupid lines by guys that they can’t wait or that you need to give in in this area. If you are getting pressured – that is not love – it is lust.
And single guys – remember that you will prove your love to a woman by honoring her and waiting until marriage – not by pressuring her into compromising situations with her body.
True love waits – it is patient.
Love does not coerce others.
When it comes to witnessing to others and trying to help them become Christians – I’ve learned from experience that if I try to go by MY time table I inevitably make people feel pressured. And they can sometimes make decisions that they don’t really follow through on or even regret making.
But this doesn’t just happen in witnessing – it can happen in any area of life where someone is wrestling with an important decision. When you know someone is wrestling, remember “love is patient”. Let God’s timetable be THE timetable people follow – and love them by patiently waiting for them to feel good about whatever decision they are making.
TRANS: So – love is patient. Love is also kind.
Love is kind.
Love does nice things for others.
Have you ever watched how siblings learn how to just needle each other by doing certain things that the other one just finds annoying?
Have you ever watched a husband and wife who seem to go out of their way to embarrass their spouse?
Maybe this is too obvious – but when you love people – you don’t try to annoy or embarrass them! When you love someone – you try and do nice things for them!
When I do premarital counseling with couples we study the book “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley. In this great book the author identifies the top 5 needs of men and the top 5 needs of women. The interesting thing is that they don’t intersect anywhere! The basis for his book is that if you want to have a fulfilling relationship with someone – especially your spouse – you’ve got to figure out what they like – and then try and give them that.
Again this sounds so simple it’s almost embarrassing how many people just don’t get it. Love is kind.
And kindness takes effort. Sometimes it takes planning.
If God gives you a heart of love toward a neighbor in need – you need to find some way to express that love through some sort of kind action – something that they would appreciate.
ILLUS: I don’t like fishing. I never have. I know some people love it. I don’t. I don’t like the worms. I don’t like touching the fish – OK I’m a wimp – I just don’t like fishing.
But I’ve got a fishing license the last 2 years and I’ve taken my kids fishing a few times. Why? Because THEY like to fish. They are absolutely crazy about it – and so because I love them I make the choice to move beyond my own personal desires and give them something they like.
ILLUS: Enny saw how much I like Red Vines a few months ago when I was at her home for a baptism service. She doesn’t even care for them herself I don’t think – but a couple months later she showed up at my office with one of those Costco sized tubs of Red Vines. Why – simply because she wanted to do something nice to express her Christian love for me.
APPLICATION: I want to encourage you on this point with a little phrase I heard recently that I’ve been trying to live by: “never deny a generous urge”.
If you’re out and about and the Lord brings someone to mind and an idea about a way to bless them – do it! Don’t put it off! Remember – love is kind! It does things “just because” the recipient will enjoy it and will have a smile on his or her face!
CONCLUSION:
The best indicator of spiritual maturity? The amount of authentic love flowing out of the life of a person.
As Janet Mann said at the close of service last Sunday AM, we cannot do this on our own – if we could live and respond as God wants on our own, then Jesus would not have had to die for us – and God would not have to send His Holy Spirit.
If we desire to be more loving, then our responsibility is to do our part by asking for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit and then just doing it! Get out there this week and demonstrate love to people by being patient. Demonstrate love to people by being kind – and as you do it – thank God that he has been so patient and kind with YOU!
