Desperate Houselives 3 – Loving our Children
Ring on the wrong finger – I married the wrong man…
Retirement Parties: - We never retire as parents.
• If your children were to give you a retirement party, what would they say about you in their testimonials?
• If you were on trial for being a Godly Parent: would the jury find enough evidence to convict you?
Many parents would say “Loving our kids is a no brainier.” Some would say, “It is the easiest thing in the world to do.”
I meet their needs, help them grow in knowledge and help to satisfy their wants.
Western Cultures Formula – Needs + Knowledge + Pleasure = functional children.
Daddy’s Spoiled Little Girl
Quiz to find out if you are daddy’s spoiled little girl:
1. Your daily workout consists of:
a. Getting through rush hour.
b. A half-hour on the treadmill.
c. Holding your breath and stomping your feet.
2. Cash is:
a. Something you use to treat your friends
b. Something you get from an ATM
c. That weird paper used by poor people.
3. When daddy buys you something, you reply by saying:
a. Thank you.
b. That’s nice, I guess.
c. Gimme, it’s mine!
4. The word “Share” is:
a. Something you learned in kindergarten.
b. Something your parents force you to do.
c. That woman who was married to Sonny, and sang, “If I could Turn back time.”
Regardless of our bank account, I have seen more poor people create spoiled rotten brats than rich people.
That is not Love.
1 Cor 13:4-7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Really parents do things out of love or consideration for themselves.
• Keep them quiet
• Don’t bother me
• Stay out of my hair
• Go to your friends house
Angela has raised her daughter Lisa Ann with all the frills a little girl loves. She say that she learned everything from ballet to baton twirling to baking. So she was shocked one day to learn that her now grown daughter was seeing a professional counselor to discuss her “unhappy childhood.”
“I never felt loved.” Said Lisa Ann, when she finally confronted her mother.
“How could that be,” gasped a shocked Angela. “I gave you everything!”
“But it was all about you!” Lisa shot back. “You chose all those fancy clothes for me and made me take ballet. You never asked me what I wanted to do. I wanted to wear blue jeans and play basketball!”
Ancient Insight.
Abraham and Sarah. Gen 12:4 God promises a son @ 99yrs but 10 years later- 0
So God changed Abrahams name from Abram (esteemed father) to Abraham (father of multitudes).
Sarah over heard this and laughed and a year later at the age of ninety she got pregnant and gave birth to their son Isaac (means laughter).
The 1st thing they did was have him circumcised.
Foundation Truth - We must give our Kids a strong identity.
Abraham and Sarah provided that for this son. Gen 17:10
Genesis 17:10 (New International Version)
10 This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised.
Current Culture:
• What group do I belong in?
• Popular, sports, loner, drugy.
We live in the world of Pat…identities are skewed.
DR. Dobson writes that:
“Human beings are sexual creatures, both physically and psychologically. Our very identity, (who am I?) begins with gender assignment and the understanding of what it means to be masculine or feminine. Virtually every aspect of life is related to this biological foundation.
Any revolution of such proportions is certain to have far-reaching consequences for the family and the culture in which it exists. How can we expect to preserve social order when the rules governing our sexual behavior are turned upside down?
So to truly love our children is to establish a strong identity with them.
We do that by:
1. Understanding our Children’s Feelings.
When we here “you just don’t understand…” We should be alarmed…
Understanding how they feel doesn’t validate weather what they feel is right or not. But it give you a reference point in how to communicate.
Giving directions to someone over the phone…we are saying go straight, but there is a huge cliff in front of them.
We don’t have their perspective.
Herb Cohen: helped Carter Iran, Chrysler Clinton.
You can’t negotiate anything until you have a perfect understanding of the other side.
James 1:19 Quick to hear and slow to speak. (Listen)
1 Cor 9: 22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.
Be Relatable – age doesn’t determine our reliability, it is our mindset.
2. Give our Kids Security.
This comes from unconditional love. The surest way to produce an identity crisis within a child is to attach the “if” factor to our love.
Young man that was bigger than his father to discipline. But wasn’t doing his chores. So he wrote his son a letter.
“One of the best ways I can help you now is to prepare you for the business world, where you will work. From now on, your life will revolve around this job description. If you learn to follow it, you will succeed in the jobs you will hold someday.” The paper was labeled, “Job Title, Son.”
The teen read the document, which stipulated the chores, tasks, expectations, and responsibilities he would have – such as taking out the garbage and observing curfews set by the father. The conclusion read:
Nothing in the document related to weather I will love you or not. Whether or not you fulfill all the expectations and requirements of this job description, I will love you the same. You can never be fired from this job; you will always be my beloved son.
That young man grew up with a strong, confident identity and became a top executive in a global corporation.
Discipline is the foundation to giving our kids a sense of security.
Boundaries are not just limits, but also provide protection.
Hebrews 12:6 (King James Version)
6For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
(CEV)
6The Lord corrects the people he loves and disciplines those
he calls his own."
3. Give our Kids Significance. - Praise…
Ronnie and Eddie were 10yrs old who played on the same basketball team. Ronnie was aggressive and fast, while Eddie was more of a plodder, who calculated every move before he acted.
When Ronnie missed a basket, he could hear his dad’s voice booming from the stands, “How could you miss that shot? Are you blind? Have you forgotten everything I taught you?”
Eddie rarely go the ball, but because of his size and determined, slow movements, he actually developed into a asset for his team’s zone defense. He would stand in the area of the basket with his arms in the air blocking the lane and the other teams players from shooting.
He missed most of his shots, but his father never humiliated him. Instead, Eddie’s dad would cheer every strong defensive play his son made and work with Eddie to improve his offensive skills. Rather than harping on what his son couldn’t do. He chose to praise what Eddie did well and help him sharpen the skills he lacked.
Ronnie often left games in tears, grimacing at the thought of missed baskets and lost opportunities. Eddie most always departed the gym happy and ready to take on the next challenge. He knew he was not the team’s top scorer, but it didn’t matter. Eddie knew he played a significant role because he had an identity strong in the sense of significance.
We need to catch our children doing something right. Balancing positive correction and discipline with heaps of praise.
Kids that don’t hear affirmation and praise form their parents react in one of two ways and sometimes both.
• Rebel
• Low opinion they expect to fail at everything.
