SEX AND THE CITY
Lesson 2
Singleness and Sex
1 Cor. 7
August 22, 2004
THE SAYING GOES, NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE.
HOW TRUE IT IS. THERE IS A COST FOR EVERYTHING.
EVEN IF I AM GIVEN SOMETHING AS A GIFT AND IT IS FREE TO ME, IT STILL COST THE GIVER SOMETHING.
EVEN OUR SALVATION FALLS UNDER THIS PRINCIPLE. IT’S FREE TO US, BUT IT COST THE LIFE OF JESUS CHRIST.
I REPEAT NOTHING IS FREE.
LAST WEEK WE STARTED A SERIES CALLED, SEX AND THE CITY.
I’M USING THE TITLE OF THIS T.V. SHOW FOR THIS SERIES BECAUSE THE SHOW CLEARLY STATES THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF OUR SOCIETY.
WE TALKED LAST WEEK ABOUT THE SEXUAL SATURATION WE FACE EVERYDAY.
EVERYWHERE FROM THE T.V. TO THE GROCERY STORE. WE CAN’T GET AWAY FROM IT.
HOWEVER, EVEN THOUGH WE CAN’T GET AWAY FROM IT WE CAN RECLAIM GOD’S CREATION.
SINCE GOD CREATED SEX AND SEXUALITY WE MUST NOT LET SOCIETY THINK THEY CAN DICTATE THE WAY WE THINK AND ACT REGARDING GOD’S CREATION.
TODAY’S TOPIC IS, SINGLENESS AND SEX.
FIRST OF ALL, SOCIETY SAYS, WHETHER YOUR SINGLE OR MARRIED SEX IS AVAILABLE.
A WEDDING RING OR A MARRIAGE LICENSE DOES NOT DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT TWO PEOPLE CAN HAVE SEX TOGETHER.
I’M NOT GOING TO SPEND MY TIME THIS MORNING TALKING ABOUT THAT PHILOSOPHY, BUT I WILL SAY THIS . . .
SEX OUTSIDE OF THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE IS IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF GOD’S WORD AND THE PRICE FOR THAT VIOLATION CAN BE HUGE.
TEEN PREGNANCY, DESTROYED MARRIAGES, USED AND ABUSED BODIES AND EMOTIONAL SHIPWRECKS ARE THE COST FOR SEX OUTSIDE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE.
ALL OF US HAVE SEEN IT AND SOME OF US HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH OF IT.
NOTHING IS FREE.
SINCE THE CHILD OF GOD KNOWS THIS AND SINCE THE CHILD OF GOD SHOULD WANT TO OBEY GOD’S WORD I WANT TO ADDRESS THE COST OF SEX FOR THE SINGLE BELIEVER WHO IS LOOKING FOR A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP SO THAT THEY CAN HAVE SEX.
LET ME PIGEON HOLE THIS A LITTLE BIT MORE.
MUCH OF WHAT I HAVE TO SAY THIS MORNING IS ADDRESSED TO A CERTAIN GROUP OF SINGLES LOOKING FOR A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP SO THEY CAN HAVE SEX.
I AM TALKING MAINLY TO SINGLES IN THEIR LATE 30’S AND ABOVE AND THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, BUT ARE SINGLE AGAIN.
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THIS STATEMENT TO THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE.
THE PRICE FOR COMPANIONSHIP INCLUDING SEXUAL RELATIONS IS EXTREMELY HIGH AND VERY FEW PEOPLE IN THE BRACKET I DESCRIBED ARE ABLE TO PAY THAT PRICE.
LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR.
I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE. I BELIEVE IN THE DIVINE INSTITUTION OF A MAN AND A WOMAN BEING JOINED AS ONE FLESH, UNDER GOD.
I PERFORM MARRIAGE CEREMONIES FOR PEOPLE IN THE GROUP I JUST DESCRIBED AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO, BUT OVER THE YEARS I HAVE COME TO REALIZE VERY FEW OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE COUNTED THE COST OF MARRIAGE AND THE AVAILABILITY OF SEX.
I KNOW MARRIAGE IS FAR MORE THAN SEX, BUT NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO CONVINCE ME THAT HAVING SEX ISN’T A BIG PART OF WANTING TO GET MARRIED.
LET ME READ TO YOU SOME SCRIPTURE.
PLEASE LISTEN TO I COR. 7:1-9; 32-35; 39-40.
V. 32 SAYS, “BUT I WANT YOU TO BE FREE FROM CONCERN . . .”
PEOPLE OF GOD, SINGLE PEOPLE OF GOD, I’M GOING TO MAKE A SAD BUT TRUE STATEMENT. I HAVE SEEN MORE PAIN IN LATER IN LIFE MARRIAGES AND SECOND MARRIAGES THAN I HAVE SEEN JOY.
GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT SPOKE THROUGH THE APOSTLE PAUL AND HE SAYS, “BUT I WANT YOU TO BE FREE FROM CONCERN . . .” AND GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.
FREE FROM CONCERN FOR WHAT? CONCERN FOR ALL THAT COMES WITH MARRIAGE.
THERE IS NO PROHIBITION AGAINST MARRIAGE, BUT THE APOSTLE PAUL SAYS, WAIT A MINUTE. THINK THIS WHOLE THING THROUGH AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GETTING INTO.
I WANT YOU TO BE FREE FROM CONCERN.
IN SOME OF THE STATISTICS CONCERNING DIVORCE THE RATE SEEMS TO BE DECLINING.
IT WAS 50% AND NOW THE CENSUS BUREAU HAS IT AT ABOUT 43%.
HOWEVER, THEY ALSO SAY ABOUT 33% OF THOSE IN THE AGE BRACKET I’M REFERRING TO LIVE TOGETHER WITHOUT GETTING MARRIED.
FOR THIS REASON THE CENSUS TAKERS HAVE RAISED THE FIGURE BACK TO 50% TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE SPLIT FOR DOMESTIC PARTNERS.
THE RATE FOR DIVORCE IN SECOND MARRIAGES IS EVEN HIGHER. ONE STATISTIC I HEARD WAS 60%, BUT A WHILE AGO I HEARD 70%.
I WANT YOU TO BE FREE FROM CONCERN.
FOLKS, I DON’T HAVE CHAPTER AND VERSE FOR THIS, BUT I DO HAVE MANY YEARS OF EXPERIENCE TO DRAW UPON AND I WANT TO SAY A FEW THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE.
1. THE LONGER YOU LIVE SINGLE THE HARDER IT IS TO ADJUST TO LIVING MARRIED.
2. YOUR ROLE IN WHY YOU GOT DIVORCED FOLLOWS YOU AND VERY FEW PEOPLE DEAL WITH THEIR CHARACTER ISSUES. THEREFORE, YOUR PROBLEMS FOLLOW YOU INTO THE NEXT MARRIAGE.
3. THE DESIRE FOR COMPANIONSHIP BLINDS PEOPLE TO THE CHARACTER ISSUES OF THE ONE THEY’RE DATING OR COURTING.
4. THE DESIRE FOR SEX ALSO BLINDS PEOPLE TO THE PROBLEM AREAS THEIR POTENTIAL SPOUSE HAS.
5. AFTER MARRIAGE, WHAT WAS IGNORED IS NOW LOOMING LARGE AND THESE ISSUES DROWN OUT THE JOY OF COMPANIONSHIP AND THE THRILL OF SEX.
6. WHEN THESE ISSUES BECOME INTOLERABLE THE OLDER PERSON LOOKS DOWN THE ROAD AND DECIDES THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME LEFT IN LIFE TO WASTE ON DEALING WITH THESE ISSUES AND THE PREVIOUSLY DIVORCED FINDS IT EASIER TO DIVORCE AGAIN, BECAUSE – “I DID IT ONCE AND I GOT THROUGH IT – I CAN DO IT AGAIN.”
PEOPLE OF GOD, I WANT YOU TO BE FREE FROM CONCERN.
MARRIAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING, BUT THERE IS A PRICE TO PAY.
PAUL MAKES IT SO CLEAR. IF YOU’RE MARRIED YOU MUST BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE NEEDS, DESIRES, WORRIES, INSECURITIES, CHARACTER FLAWS, AND IN MANY CASES TODAY, PREVIOUS FAMILY ISSUES OF YOUR SPOUSE.
THIS IS WHY PAUL SAYS IN V. 40, I THINK YOU’LL BE HAPPIER IF YOU REMAIN SINGLE.
WITH THE EXPERIENCES I HAVE HAD AS A PASTOR I WOULD HAVE TO SAY, I TEND TO AGREE.
ALRIGHT, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
THIS WHOLE PORTION OF SCRIPTURE POINTS TO WHAT I BELIEVE IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH MARRIAGES LATER IN LIFE AND REMARRIAGE.
THE PROBLEM IS, THE DESIRE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF AND THE PURSUIT OF A RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF ME.
WHAT MANY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR IS A MOTHER NOT A SPOUSE.
THIS WHOLE PORTION OF SCRIPTURE IS THE APOSTLE PAUL TELLING US THAT THE CHRISTIAN IS ONE WHO MUST BE MORE CONCERNED WITH GIVING THAN RECEIVING.
HOW DO I GET THIS OUT OF THIS CHAPTER?
V. 3 AND 4 - HUSBANDS AND WIVES, GIVE YOURSELF TO YOUR SPOUSE. YOU DO NOT HAVE AUTHORITY OVER YOUR BODY.
V. 33 AND 34 - THE MARRIED PERSON IS TO PLEASE THEIR SPOUSE. IT’S NOT ABOUT ME BEING PLEASED, IT’S ABOUT ME PLEASING THE OTHER.
– HOW HE MAY PLEASE HIS WIFE.
– HOW SHE MAY PLEASE HER HUSBAND.
AGAIN, THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS PASSAGE THAT FORBIDS MARRIAGE, BUT IT CLEARLY TELLS US WHAT’S REQUIRED TO BE MARRIED.
AND FOLKS, TOO MANY DON’T GET IT!
ACTUALLY, THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY MARRIED COUPLES WHO HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS WHO DON’T GET IT.
IF THIS IS YOU, YOU WILL EITHER DIVORCE OR LIVE A MISERABLE EXISTENCE UNLESS YOU START GIVING AND STOP WAITING TO RECEIVE.
SINGLES THIS SCRIPTURE TELLS YOU TO GIVE.
IF YOU’RE NOT GIVING TO A SPOUSE THEN YOU ARE FREE TO GIVE TO THE LORD.
V. 32 “THE UNMARRIED SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT HOW HE MAY PLEASE THE LORD.”
THIS LEADS INTO MY NEXT POINT.
THERE ARE 2 KINDS OF SINGLES.
HORNY SINGLES WHO ARE MISERABLE AND WHO CAN’T FIND FULFILLMENT BECAUSE THEY AREN’T MARRIED.
AND, HORNY SINGLES WHO REDIRECT THEIR ENERGY AND WHO DO INCREDIBLE THINGS FOR THE KINGDOM OF GOD.
BOTH GROUPS STRUGGLE WITH PASSION AND THE SEXUAL DRIVE.
BOTH GROUPS HAVE THEIR MOMENTS WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE THEY’RE GOING TO EXPLODE WITH DESIRE.
HOWEVER, THE SECOND GROUP HAS LEARNED TO GIVE TO THE LORD AND THEY FIND HE TAKES CARE THEM BETTER THAN ANY SPOUSE COULD.
IT IS A SHAME TO SEE A CHRISTIAN SINGLE NOT THROWING THEMSELF INTO THE WORK OF THE LORD.
I WILL GO SO FAR AS TO SAY, IT IS WRONG FOR A CHRISTIAN SINGLE NOT TO THROW THEMSELF INTO THE WORK OF THE LORD.
WHEN I SAY THIS MANY SINGLES MAY SAY, “WAIT A MINUTE. I HAVE OTHER RESPONSIBILITIES - JUST BECAUSE I’M SINGLE DOESN’T MEAN I DON’T HAVE A LIFE!”
IF YOU’RE A SINGLE PARENT WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY DOESN’T APPLY.
YOU PROBABLY ARE OVERWHELMED BECAUSE YOU’RE DONG EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF.
BUT YOU OLDER SINGLES WITH GROWN KIDS OR NO KIDS PLEASE HEAR ME.
YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.
IF YOU HAD A SPOUSE YOUR TIME WOULDN’T BE YOUR OWN AND ANY SPACE YOU HAVE AS A SINGLE WOULD HAVE TO BE SHARED WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED.
HOWEVER, SINCE YOU DON’T HAVE A SPOUSE THAT TIME YOU WOULD HAVE TO SHARE SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE LORD.
YOU CAN’T SAY, I WANT A SPOUSE AND I WILL ALSO KEEP MY SPACE. NOR CAN YOU SAY, I DON’T HAVE A SPOUSE, BUT I REALLY CAN’T DO TOO MUCH FOR THE CHURCH BECAUSE I NEED MY TIME.
IF YOU’RE NOT GIVING TO A SPOUSE YOU NEED TO BE GIVING TO THE LORD.
EITHER WAY IT’S ALL ABOUT GIVING.
IT CONFUSES ME TO HEAR SINGLES SAY, I’M SO BUSY I CAN’T HELP WITH THIS OR THAT WHEN I SEE COUPLES WITH KIDS GIVING SO MUCH TIME TO GOD AND HIS CHURCH.
SOME SINGLES NEED TO RE-EVALUATE THEIR TIME.
I HAVE SEEN IT. I HAVE SEEN THE ACTIVE SINGLE IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD BE HAPPIER, MORE FREE AND MORE CONTENT – BECAUSE THEY ARE GIVING TO THE LORD AND HE BLESSES THEM.
THANK GOD FOR MARRIAGE, BUT AS THE WEDDING CEREMONY SAYS,
IT IS NOT TO BE ENTERED INTO LIGHTLY OR UNADVISEDLY, BUT DELIBERATELY AND SOBERLY BEFORE GOD.
SINGLE, IF IT’S GOD’S WILL FOR YOU TO GET MARRIED HE WILL ARRANGE IT. JUST MAKE SURE IT’S HIM AND NOT YOUR DESIRE FOR SEX OR TO BE TAKEN CARE OF THAT LEADS INTO MARRIAGE.
I WANT YOU TO BE FREE FROM CONCERN.
