LIFE IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
(THE DNA OF RELATIONSHIPS PART 1)
A. We are starting a new series of lessons today entitled: The DNA of Relationships based on the book written by the renowned Family and Relationships Expert, Dr. Gary Smalley.
1. Today’s lesson is: LIFE IS ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.
a. That should go without saying.
b. Unless you LIVE in a CAVE somewhere and completely ISOLATE yourself from people, every facet of your life touches a RELATIONSHIP in some way.
2. Everything we DO, everywhere we GO, we are in RELATIONSHIPS with other PEOPLE.
ILLUSTRATION:
You have RELATIONSHIPS at HOME with your SPOUSE, your CHILDREN, your PARENTS, your SIBLINGS.
You have RELATIONSHIPS at WORK with your BOSS and your CO-WORKERS. You have RELATIONSHIPS with the people you go to CHURCH with. When you go GROCERY SHOPPING there are RELATIONSHIPS with other SHOPPERS and the CASHIER.
Even when you get on the ROAD and drive to DANVILLE, you are in RELATIONSHIPS with the other DRIVERS. These RELATIONSHIPS can be GOOD or BAD—it can be FRIENDLY or result in ROAD RAGE. Usually my RELATIONSHIP with other DRIVERS is: “You’re going to
SLOW!”
3. The fact is, we are EFFECTED by RELATIONSHIPS every DAY and people are EFFECTED every day, either POSITIVELY or NEGATIVELY, by the RELATIONSHIP they have with us.
B. We are CREATED for RELATIONSHIPS, thus the title: The DNA of RELATIONSHIPS.
1. Our DNA is the very BUILDING BLOCK of who we are. God has placed within each HUMAN BEING a NEED to be with other people—a need for RELATIONSHIPS.
2. After Adam was CREATED, God looked upon the greatest of His creation and said, “It is not good for man to be ALONE…” – Genesis 2:18.
3. We need RELATIONSHIPS.
COMMENT:
When those RELATIONSHIPS are GOOD—growing, nurturing, positive RELATIONSHIPS— LIFE is PRETTY GOOD, it’s ENJOYABLE and FULFILLING. But when our relationships GO SOUR—when they are STRAINED—it affects us in many ADVERSE WAYS.
ILLUSTRATION:
When there are PROBLEMS at HOME or we’re having DIFFICULTY with one of our CO-WORKERS or we can’t GET ALONG with our NEIGHBOR or we are at ODDS with a FELLOW-CHRISTIAN, then our LIVES struggle. Rarely do we have a PROBLEM in our LIFE that is not connected in someway to a STRUGGLING RELATIONSHIP.
C. Since God CREATED us to NEED RELATIONSHIPS—He has also provided us INSTRUCTIONS in His Word to help us make our RELATIONSHIPS STRONG.
MESSAGE:
I. WE ARE HARDWIRED FOR THREE RELATIONSHIPS- Matthew 22:37-39 (READ and COMMENT)
ILLUSTRATION:
Gary Smalley quotes a Dr. Allan Shore of UCLA, a neuroscientist and developmental psychologists as saying, “all humans are born to form attachments, that our brains are physically wired to develop in tandem with another’s through emotional communication, even before words are spoken. Our sense of right and wrong originates largely from our biologically primed need to connect with others.”
In other words, RELATIONSHIPS are TANTAMOUNT to our SPIRITUAL, PHYSICAL, and EMOTIONAL GROWTH.
A. We need a RELATIONSHIP with God.
1. Our RELATIONSHIP with God is the most IMPORTANT of all our RELATIONSHIPS.
a. God is our CREATOR, and He has CREATED us to NEED Him.
COMMENT:
Yet, there are some people who say: “God and I had a FALLEN OUT years ago, I don’t have a RELATIONSHIP with Him.” Or you might hear: “I don’t BELIEVE in God!” or “I don’t NEED God!”
b. The fact is: We all NEED God whether we like or not.
COMMENT:
In DESCRIBING God, Paul said: “In Him we LIVE and MOVE and have our BEING”- Acts 17:27. Without God we wouldn’t EXIST. So if you want to EXIST, then you NEED God.
c. Furthermore, We all have a RELATIONSHIP with God whether we WANT one or not.
COMMENT:
We are CREATED in God’s IMAGE. We are SPIRITUAL BEINGS, and as SPIRITUAL BEINGS there is direct CONNECTION—RELATIONSHIP— between us and God. Now, we may not have a PERSONAL, INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with Him. And granted, our RELATIONSHIP with God may be rather DYSFUNCTIONAL, but we ALL have a RELATIONSHIP with God nonetheless.
2. Whether we REALIZE it or not, our SPIRIT—our SOUL— yearns to be with God.
ILLUSTRATION:
If you ask people what it would take to make them HAPPY, you’ll get answers like: MONEY, GOOD LOOKS, POPULARITY, PRESTIGE, SEX, etc. Why is it that there are those who have these THINGS and much MORE, and still can’t find HAPPINESS. They still have a VOID—a NEED—for something MORE.
They don’t realize it, but that “SOMETHING MORE” they CRAVE—that VOID that leaves EMPTINESS in their LIVES cannot be SATISFIED with anything this EARTH provides. It is a SPIRITUAL YEARNING that can only find FULFILLMENT in God.
B. We need RELATIONSHIPS with OTHERS.
1. Again, God said of Adam: “It is not good for man to be alone.”
COMMENT:
In the Garden of Eden, Adam had a SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP with God. He gave Adam everything he NEEDED: a PERFECT ENVIRONMENT, all the FOOD he wanted, PURPOSEFUL WORK, dominion over all the ANIMALS. And yet God looked at Adam and said, “He needs more. He needs a COMPANION.”
2. This COMPANION can come in the form of a SPOUSE, as was the case with Adam, or merely a FRIEND.
COMMENT:
The main thing is, God has CREATED within US an innate NEED for RELATIONSHIPS —FAMILY, FRIENDS, FELLOW-CHRISTIANS, CO-WORKERS, NEIGHBORS, CLASSMATES, and so on.
3. This doesn’t mean that every RELATIONSHIP is HEALTHY, because everyone in this ROOM has had some DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS—including those with FAMILY MEMBERS—husbands and wives, parents and children, brothers and sisters.
ILLUSTRATION:
In his book, Gary Smalley quotes one young man saying about his girlfriend, “Sometimes I feel I can’t LIVE WITH her, and yet know I can’t LIVE WITHOUT her.” Have you ever felt that way?
Or you may be like the husband who had been married for 25 years saying about his wife, “When we were first MARRIED I loved my WIFE so much that I could just EAT HER UP — and now I wish I had.”
4. The bottom-line is, we are CREATED with a NEED to have RELATIONSHIPS with others and without them LIFE would be rather MISERABLE.
ILLUSTRATION:
Maybe the story of Mamie Adams at the POST OFFICE will help you understand the need for connection--relationships. She always bought her STAMPS at the same BRANCH. One Christmas the line was particularly long, so someone pointed out that she didn’t have to WAIT IN LINE because there was a STAMP MACHINE in the lobby. “I know,” said Mamie, “but the MACHINE won’t ask me about my ARTHRITIS.”
The issue for Mamie when BUYING STAMPS was not SPEED and EFFICIENCY. It was PERSONAL CONTACT and some evidence of minimal HUMAN INTEREST in her.
C. We need a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP with OURSELVES.
1. Jesus- “Love your neighbor AS yourself.”
COMMENT:
That could be the REASON we have DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS, because we don’t LOVE ourselves very much, therefore, we DON’T LOVE others very much.
2. Certainly we are not to be SELF-CENTERED or NARCISSISTIC, but in order for our RELATIONSHIP with God and with others to be HEALTHY, we need to LOVE ourselves.
ILLUSTRATION:
Gary Smalley asks, “Do you have a healthy, dynamic relationship with yourself? Are you on good terms? Do you think of yourself as important? Do you like yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you forgive yourself? Do you take care of yourself?”
3. I confess to you, this is an AREA I really need to WORK on.
COMMENT:
I am not always GOOD to myself: physically, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally. As I re-read this BOOK and prepare these LESSONS, it helps me to become more aware that I need to take BETTER CARE of MYSELF so that I, in turn, can work at making my RELATIONSHIP with God STRONGER and build healthier RELATIONSHIPS at HOME and with other people.
4. LESSON FIVE of this series will be spent discussing this NEED in greater DETAIL.
II. ALL THREE OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS ARE INTERRELATED
A. When Jesus reiterated what the first and second GREATEST COMMANDMENTS are, He stressed that “the LAW and PROPHETS hang on these two commandments”- Matthew 22:40.
1. In other words, all of God’s TEACHING is SUMMED up in the RELATIONSHIP we have with our HEAVENLY FATHER, with OTHERS and with OURSELVES.
COMMENT:
The reason these are the GREATEST COMMANDMENTS is because they make up our physical and spiritual DNA—this who we are as God’s greatest CREATION. Within these THREE RELATIONSHIPS, we will find TRUE HAPPINESS and FULFILLMENT in LIFE.
2. However, when one of these RELATIONSHIPS SUFFER it will adversely AFFECT the other RELATIONSHIPS.
a. How we FEEL about OURSELVES will AFFECT how we are in RELATIONSHIP with OTHERS and with GOD.
ILLUSTRATION:
Again, if we don’t LIKE ourselves very much we will have difficulty believing that other PEOPLE will LIKE us, and, thus, AFFECT our RELATIONSHIPS with others.
If we have a hard time FORGIVING ourselves we may find difficulty ACCEPTING God’s FORGIVENESS.
b. How we RELATE to other people may INFLUENCE the way we SEE ourselves and AFFECT our RELATIONSHIP with God.
ILLUSTRATION:
We may allow peoples’ ANTAGONISM or DEROGATORY REMARKS toward us DESTROY our SELF-ESTEEM.
Or we may allow their UNGODLY ACTIONS to turn us away from God. (How many times have you heard people say, “I don’t go to church because there are too many HYPOCRITES there.”)
c. If our RELATIONSHIP with God is not RIGHT then all of our RELATIONSHIPS will be out of KILTER.
ILLUSTRATION:
The way we VIEW God is often the way we VIEW other people and even ourselves. If you view God merely as a GOD of WRATH—a VENGEFUL God who delights in PUNISHING SINNERS, then you will have difficulty being a person of COMPASSION, UNDERSTANDING,
and FORGIVENESS toward others.
Furthermore, if you VIEW God that way, you may feel so UNWORTHY to be in RELATIONSHIP with Him and resign to LIVE for Satan since there is no way you can be GOOD ENOUGH to go to HEAVEN, anyway.
B. Adam and Eve, as the first MAN and WOMAN, learned the HARD WAY how these THREE RELATIONSHIPS are interrelated- Genesis 3.
1. Adam and Eve were the LAST to be CREATED, and after looking over all that He had CREATED God said, “It is very good.”
ILLUSTRATION:
Adam and Eve were placed in a PERFECT ENVIRONMENT—PARADISE. They had a PERFECT RELATIONSHIP with God who walked among them. They had a PERFECT relationship among themselves as HUSBAND and WIFE—uniting and becoming ONE FLESH. They had everything at their DISPOSAL that they could possibly NEED.
God had given them unlimited access to every FRUIT TREE in the GARDEN, except one: “the tree of the knowledge of GOOD and EVIL.” God told them that they could not EAT of that one tree or they would die.
“Then long comes Satan in the form of a SERPENT and deceives Eve telling her that by eating that FRUIT she would become like God knowing good and evil. So Eve took of the FRUIT and ate it and then gave some to Adam who was right there with her, and he also ATE
of the FORBIDDEN FRUIT.” Genesis 3:1-7
2. This one act of DISOBEDIENCE changed the DYNAMIC of these three RELATIONSHIPS.
a. It changed the RELATIONSHIP that Adam and Eve had with God- Genesis 3:8-10 (READ)
COMMENT:
Instead of a LOVING, OPEN RELATIONSHIP with God, Adam and Eve now have a FEAR RELATIONSHIP with God. They are now HIDING from the very One who LOVED them so much to CREATE them and place them in this PERFECT SETTING. Their DISOBEDIENCE—their SIN—had caused a SEPARATION between them and God and they are “CAST out of the GARDEN”- Genesis 3:23-24.
b. It changed the RELATIONSHIP that Adam and Eve had with each other- Genesis 3:11-12(READ)
COMMENT:
Instead of a LOVING, NURTURING RELATIONSHIP
of “ONENESS” that Adam excitedly talked about in Genesis 2:23-24, Adam is now BLAMING his WIFE for his FAILURE and BLAMING God for giving her to him- “The woman You put here with me…”. This relationship with each other is now STRAINED.
c. It changed the RELATIONSHIP that Adam and Eve had with themselves.
COMMENT:
They can no longer look at themselves as being PERFECT—they are now STAINED with SIN. They no longer walk around with CONFIDENCE and SELF-ASSURANCE, they are now plagued with FEAR and HIDING.
CONCLUSION:
A. Their STORY is our STORY.
1. It demonstrates our INNER NEED for these 3 RELATIONSHIPS—GOD, OTHERS, and OURSELVES, and how the CHOICES we make can either STRENGTHEN these RELATIONSHIPS or DAMAGE them.
2. Adam and Eve’s CHOICE strained these
RELATIONSHIPS.
COMMENT:
We have done the same to some our IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS, haven’t we? That’s not what we WANTED, but our POOR CHOICES put a BARRIER between us and some of the very people that we LOVE.
B. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
COMMENT:
God’s Word reveals to us how we can MEND our BROKEN and STRAINED RELATIONSHIPS and how we can make STRONGER our GOOD and HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. But it takes EFFORT and PATIENCE on our PART.
C. During these SERIES of LESSONS and SMALL GROUPS, we will learn what we can do to develop more HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS with GOD, with OTHERS, and with OURSELVES. (DON’T MISS A SINGLE LESSON!!!)
DO YOU WANT BETTER RELATIONSHIPS?
