RELATIONSHIPS THAT WORK:
A SUBMISSIVE COMMUNITY
Ephesians 5.21
S: Community
C: A Submissive Community
Th: Building Up in Love; Doing Our Work
Pr: WE ARE TO RAISE EACH OTHER UP.
?: Who? Who are we to raise up?
KW: Relationships
TS: We will find in our study of Ephesians 5 four relationships where we are to raise each other up to make us an impressive community.
Type: Propositional
The ____ relationship is…
I. MARRIAGE
II. FAMILY
III. WORK
IV. CHURCH
PA: How is the change to be observed?
• Submit to one another
• Wives lift up their husbands
• Husbands sacrifice for their wives
• Children obey their parents
• Parents train their children
• Workers work for the Lord
• Employers treat employees respectfully
• We look out for each other and lift each other up
Version: ESV
RMBC 08 October 06 AM
INTRODUCTION:
1. Our theme for our discipleship emphasis is “Building Up in Love; Doing Our Work.”
When you come to the message supplement this morning, you will notice that I pick specific words for the fill-ins.
The fill-ins are never arbitrary.
They are words chosen for emphasis.
This week, the first one is love.
That was to connect us with last week.
Last week, we made note that we must be a community that walks in love.
But, at the same time, we must recognize that to do so, it will take work (that second fill-in).
Let me share with you, once again, a specific word that has been on my heart for the year 2006.
It is the word deliberate.
And, I believe it is an essential word for us as Christians.
For when it comes to cultivating our spiritual growth in Christ (that is a portion of our purpose statement), we do so by being deliberate.
But, this not only applies to ourselves as individuals, it also applies to our Randall community.
You see…
2. We want to be deliberate in the kind of community Randall will be.
This is why we have asked you to put together action plans for yourself as an individual in Christ, and then also for the community of believers here.
In fact, our emphasis will be incomplete if we do not work on these action plans, because these are the ways we are measuring our intentionality.
Let’s do a quick review of what we have covered so far…
2.1 Called – Spiritual Blessings
First, we are a called community, which has received every spiritual blessing by being placed in Christ.
2.2 Transformed – Grace
Next, we are a transformed community, which has been changed by the salvation God gives; it is a matter of grace, and not works.
2.3 Praying – God’s Love
Three weeks ago, we discussed being a praying community, looking to pray differently with a more kingdom orientation, discovering how great God’s love is to be in our midst.
2.4 Diligent – Unity
The following week, when John Fischer was here, we discovered that it is important to diligently live out the unity we have been given in Christ.
2.5 God-Like – Love
Last week, we covered the importance of being a God-like community which is ultimately observed as a people that walk in love.
TRANSITION:
Now, as we come to today’s study, we are approaching a scary word.
Some think it is so bad, that they called it the “S” word!
But it really is a good word.
It is the word submissive.
Submission only works if we are determined to live out the unity we have been given.
ILL Unity
A conversation took place between two men and the topic of religion came up. So the first asked the second, “Are you Protestant or Catholic?”
The second replied, “Protestant.”
The first said, “Me too! What denomination?”
He answered, “Baptist.”
“Me too!” the first said. “Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
“Northern Baptist,” the second replied.
“Wow, me too! I can hardly believe all that we have in common!”
This continued to go back and forth. Finally the first asked, “Northern conservative fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1879 or Northern conservative fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1912?”
The second replied, “Northern conservative fundamentalist Baptist, Great Lakes Region, Council of 1912.”
Then the first’s face turned red and he shouted, “Die, heretic!”
based on Emo Phillips comedy routine
Sometimes, I wonder how close we are to living that out, even within our communities of faith.
But here is what we must realize…
1. Our unity is to be lived out in our relationships.
We are to possess relationships that work.
Oneness is a mark of the church.
This means that God is more concerned with what we contribute to our relationships, and definitely not what we demand of them.
God calls us to live in harmony and submission is how this is accomplished.
This is not the way of the world though.
The motto of the day is more like the Survivor reality show’s: “Outplay, Outwit, Outlast,” not submit.
In the Greek, the word for submit means to “come under.”
It was first a military term meaning to come under the command of a leader.
But as the word was used in non-military ways, it came to mean a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating and carrying a burden.
As we consider this, I want you to picture coming under something. [use the Bible]
Sometimes, when you do this, you put yourself lower.
But there is another thing you can do as well to come under.
You can raise it higher.
This is a picture I want you to have of submission today, for I believe…
2. WE ARE TO RAISE EACH OTHER UP (5.21).
Note how our text describes this today…
(21) …submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Let me say here that authority is not the enemy of the church.
Neither is the idea of position.
It is not our enemy.
But there is an attitude that can go with position and authority that can be our enemies.
The pride of position and an authoritarian spirit are destructive to relationships.
When they are in effect, they force people to go lower.
That is not the biblical direction of submission.
It is not to be forced.
So…
3. We will find in our study of Ephesians 5 four relationships where we are to raise each other up to make us an impressive community.
You see, this is my prayer for us at Randall, that we would be a tremendous and impressive community.
We do it by existing in terrific and powerful relationships where we are truly walking in love.
OUR STUDY:
I. The first relationship is MARRIAGE (5.22-33).
ILL Marriage how much for a rib?
Now, admittedly, I can’t find this in the Bible. It is somewhere between the lines.
But before Eve was created, God was talking with Adam. He said, “You really need a helper, don’t you?”
And Adam answered, “Yeah, I really do.”
So God said, “What if I make a woman? She’ll be perfect for you. She’ll be beautiful. She’ll rub your back at night, and your feet in the morning. She’ll plop grapes into your mouth. She’ll prepare all your favorite meals without fail. She’ll clean up the kitchen and take care of the kids. You’ll never have to do a thing, just sit around and be the king of your household.”
Adam said, “Boy, that sounds great, but how much is this going to cost?”
God said, “Well, it’s pretty expensive. It will cost you an arm and a leg.”
Adam thought for a moment and then asked, “How much can I get for a rib?”
I think it is important that, during what some call the gender wars, we keep our sense of humor.
We know that we could spend a lot more time here.
We could deal with all the controversies, ancient and modern, speaking about the hierarchical, complementarian and egalitarian positions regarding gender, and it would be weeks.
But that is not our goal this morning.
Though we will not cover every detail in the text, I hope that we will be able to see the concept of submission in a larger context.
Hear what Paul says…
(22) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (25) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, (26) that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (27) so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (28) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, (30) because we are members of his body. (31) "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (32) This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (33) However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Typically, when this text is covered, we go right to the commands.
Today, I want us to consider it differently.
I want us to see that…
1. The husband/wife relationship is described with the following couplets:
The first couplet is…
1.1 Submission/Sacrifice
Men, we need to face it.
This text has been used selfishly and greedily.
I know.
I have had men come into my office with their wives there, complain to me and demand submission.
They complain that their authority is being challenged and that their wife is ruining their marriage.
But here is the rub, regardless of what position you take in this gender discussion, men are to demonstrate the same kind of love and concern for our wives as Christ has for the church.
It is a complete giving of yourself.
It is to be an agape type of love, a love that does not seek one’s own satisfaction.
It is a love that protects.
It is a love that strives for the highest good.
It is a love that is totally unselfish.
And every one of those men that complained to me about submission were men that were not sacrificing for their wives.
I believe God would have us husbands lift up our wives, not forcing them down.
This means, then, that the husband is to go all out to help his wife feel supported, accepted and understood.
The next couplet is…
1.2 Body/Head
Someone has said, if the husband is the head, then the wife is the heart.
I think that is a neat description.
But what I want you to really note is that a head and body go together.
They are not to be separate.
They are a single entity.
Note this…
Christ loves the church, not simply as if it were His body, but because it is in fact His body.
Christ is the head.
We are the body.
And we are a single entity.
This means, then, that a husband and wife are to be an extension of each other.
They are an essential unity.
Now we come to the final couplet…
1.3 Respect/Love
With this final comparison, I think a theme of security fits well here.
A man feels secure when he is respected.
When a wife lifts up a husband, doesn’t hold him down, and isn’t tearing him down, it is a formula for success in that relationship.
In the same way, a wife feels secure when she is loved.
When a husband exercises patience, kindness, and is not irritable and resentful, it is a formula for success in the relationship.
This kind of relationship is described in the Song of Solomon.
There is no hint of authoritativeness or superiority.
There is a deep concern for the welfare of the other.
There is a joy and fulfillment of each other that is expressed with (Song of Solomon 2.16)…
“My beloved is mine, and I am his.”
2. The goal of marriage is always oneness.
In fact, the goal of marriage is not for each spouse to know their place and role.
It is not even the goal of marriage to establish equality.
The goal is to be one.
The goal is for a husband and wife to mimic the relationship of Christ and the community, always looking out to raise each other up.
II. The second relationship is FAMILY (6.1-4).
(1) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), (3) "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." (4) Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
The family is the core for discipleship.
Even though, the primary command is obedience directed to the children, let’s think of how submission works here.
Parents do, in a way, submit to their children.
Parents submit to their children’s physical, moral and spiritual welfare by meeting their needs in these areas.
They sacrifice of themselves in order to raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Yes, discipline is essential, but a parent submits to the needs of the children by not giving endless petty correction.
I have seen parents who wear their children out with unnecessary rules and regulations.
All this does is bring discouragement and resentment.
As parents, we must submit ourselves to the purpose of families.
The goal is always discipleship – to direct our children to be committed followers of Jesus.
III. The third relationship is WORK (6.5-9)
(5) Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, (6) not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, (7) rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, (8) knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. (9) Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.
When we speak of slavery, we wonder how Paul could not condemn something so obviously wrong.
But I think that Paul was doing so much that was countercultural, he had to pick and choose his fights.
This is a topic that he chose not to fight.
Paul lived in a time where a huge amount of the workforce was in slavery or existed as indentured servants.
There was not the middle class there is today.
There were no factories or large businesses.
So, you either were upper class with money, worked for yourself, or you were a slave or servant with no rights.
Interestingly, Paul is still countercultural, because he asks both slaves and masters to think differently.
He asks them to think according to this principle…
The workplace is to have Jesus in mind.
Correspondingly, we can ask for the same principles to be in operation as well.
As an employee, we are to have integrity in how we perform in the workplace.
It is to be a wholehearted effort.
One person making a comment on this passage said that every single work he produces must be good enough to show God.
Accordingly, employers are to show good will.
As an employer, we are to remember that in God’s eyes, everyone is an equal.
So submission works here.
The employee does his/her very best and in so doing, lifts up those who employ him/her.
The employer lifts up the employee by paying a fair wage and giving them dignity by communicating their importance.
IV. The fourth relationship is the CHURCH COMMUNITY (5.18-21).
We are going to backtrack at this point to the text that precedes our primary verse.
Listen to how Paul leads into this subject of submission.
(18) And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, (19) addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, (20) giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, (21) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Our community is to be under the consistent control of the Spirit.
We are to possess a deep dependence on the Lord.
In other words, we are to be a people that is submissive to the Spirit.
And when we are submissive to the Spirit, that is, we are allowing Him to control us on a daily basis (or even moment by moment basis), there is a product to this being filled with the Spirit.
It is this…we are able to submit to one another.
And if we are unable to do so, we are demonstrating that we are not under the Spirit’s control.
You see, a truly submissive community (which we want to be) will walk in love (remember being a God-like community from last week’s study).
The individuals in a submissive community will relinquish their rights to raise up another in the community, so that they can truly grow and walk in the ways of the Lord.
ILL Encouragement: Jesse Owens
Jesse Owens seemed sure to win the long jump at the 1936 Olympic games in Berlin, Germany. Just the year before, he had set three world records in one day. He was the record holder for the running broad jump with 26 feet 8 1/4 inches — a record that would stand for 25 years.
As he walked to the long jump pit, however, Owens saw a tall, blue-eyed, blond German taking practice jumps in the 26 foot range. Owens was nervous. He was aware of the tension created with his presence. He knew the Nazi’s desire was to prove Aryan "superiority," especially over the blacks.
The pressure was overwhelming, and on his first jump Owens inadvertently leaped from several inches beyond the takeoff board. Rattled, he fouled on the second attempt, too. He was only one foul away from being eliminated.
At this point, the tall German approached Owens and introduced himself as Luz Long. Then an amazing event took place. The black son of a sharecropper and the white model of Nazi manhood chatted in view of the entire stadium. What were they talking about?
Since the qualifying distance was only 23 feet 5 1/2 inches, Long suggested making a mark several inches before the takeoff board and jumping from there, just to play it safe. Amazing! At the beginning of World War II, this model of Germany’s strength was providing technical assistance and words of encouragement to a foe both on and off the field.
Owens qualified easily. In the finals, he set an Olympic record and earned the second of four gold medals during the 1936 Olympics. The first person to congratulate Owens was Luz Long — in full view of Adolf Hitler.
Owens never saw Long again, for Long was killed in World War II. "You could melt down all the medals and cups I have," Owens later wrote, "and they wouldn’t be plating on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long."
Ken Sutterfield, The Power of an Encouraging Word
(New Leaf, 1997), pp. 105-106
As believers and followers of Jesus, we must get this.
Our happiness is not dependent on getting what we want.
The joy of being God’s community is not in doing church the way we want it.
The joy is in submissive self-denial, of lifting others up, for that was the way of Jesus.
APPLICATION:
Do we want relationships that work?
To have that, to really be the community God calls us to be, God calls on us to set aside our differences and our preferences, and have hearts that are ready to submit to God and one another.
In other words…
Our relationships are to be characterized by mutual respect and love.
The reason is because all believers are spiritual equals in every sense.
Note how Paul describes this elsewhere (Galatians 3.28):
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
You see, there must be a willingness to serve any, to learn from any, to be corrected by any, regardless of age, sex, class, or any other division that we might practice or come up with.
This will make us a submissive community.
This will make us an impressive community.
This will make us a beautiful community…a community in which people will want to belong…a community where one will be raised up.
We will become a place of joy, because we will find pleasure in our God and in the way He has designed us to live.
I believe we can be that kind of community.
For further study: Song of Solomon 2.3-4; John 13.3-5, 15.12-13; Romans 12.10; I Corinthians 7.3-5; Galatians 3.28; Philippians 2.1-7; Colossians 3.21
BENEDICTION:
Submit to one another…not because you have to, but because you want to, because you realize that the community is most alive when we are raising each other up in love and encouragement.
Now to him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
RESOURCES:
SermonCentral:
Grant, Steve Simala Submit??
Hostetler, Bob The Rules: God-Tested Secrets for Relationships
Wilkins, Mike New Relationships
Article:
Sumner, Sarah. “Bridging the Ephesians 5 Divide” Christianity Today, November 2005, p. 59-61
Books:
The Expositor’s Bible Commentary. 12 vols, ed. Frank E. Gaebelein, vol. 11. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1978.
Foster, Richard J. Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth. Revised and Expanded ed. San Francisco: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1988.
Foulkes, Francis. The Epistle of Paul to the Ephesians. 20 vols. Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, ed. R. V. G. Tasker, vol. 10. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1978.
MacArthur, John, Jr. Ephesians. The Macarthur New Testament Commentary. Chicago: Moody Press, 1986.
