THE LAW OF KINDNESS
Ephesians 4:31 – 32 Let all bitterness and all passionate feeling, all anger and loud insulting language, be unknown among you—and also every kind of malice. On the contrary learn to be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you.
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
Introduction: Do you remember the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”? The reality is sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will absolutely break the heart. Broken bones heal with time, but a broken spirit is not easily repaired. They can break the heart of a church, the heart of a brother or sister in Christ, the heart of a husband or wife, the heart of a child.
I. The Tongue is Dangerous Weapon
A. James 3:5 - 10 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.
B. All too often we find the tongue being used as not only a dangerous weapon but also a deadly weapon.
C. Think of the destruction that is caused by careless, callous, cynical, or malicious words. This is talk that brings division, discouragement, and demoralization.
D. 2 Corinthians 12:20 (NLT) For I am afraid that when I come to visit you I won’t like what I find, and then you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfishness, backstabbing, gossip, conceit, and disorderly behavior.
E. Gossip-negative talk, put-downs, rumors, accusations-not only hurts the person being talked about; it also hurts the person speaking and the person listening. One negative thought can kill dozens of positive ones. I cannot believe that people are so negative. Negativity breeds nothing but negativity.
F. Consider the impact of our words:
• In the church when someone says:
a. That program will never work – demotivation – a put down
b. If they want to do it that’s fine, but don’t expect me to participate – discouragement, quenching of the Spirit.
c. Why is he or she always asked to do things? - division and strife
d. I heard that… - devastation from unfounded accusations and rumor
e. It just burns me up that... – division selfishness
• In a marriage when one partner says:
a. That was a stupid thing to do.
b. idiot or jerk
c. He’s on a diet, his third this week.” – humiliation and embarrasses
d. A Husband says to his wife, “if you’d learn to cook like Sally we could have some great meals” – destroys self worth.
e. It really isn’t that hard. I’m surprised it took you so long.
f. Venting anger in harsh words, shouting, stomping around the house, and throwing or breaking things are all emotionally abusive.
g. Did you see … You ought to wear your hair like their’s.
h. When psychologists Cliff Nortarius and Howard Markman studied newlyweds over the first decade of marriage, they discovered that couples who stayed together uttered 5 or fewer put-downs in every 100 comments to each other. But couples who inflicted twice as many verbal wounds -- 10 or more putdowns out of every 100 comments -- later split up. Little, nit-picking comments are like a cancer in marriage, slowly draining the life out of a committed relationship.
• In a family when a parent says:
a. Why can’t you do anything right?
b. You’re so lazy you’ll never amount to anything
c. Why can’t you be like your cousin? Sister? Brother?
d. How could you be so stupid?
e. Swearing and using profanity at them
f. All of these convey a sense of worthlessness or of being unloved or inadequacy to a child.
G. "Words have the power (to produce effects) to affect our nervous systems and stimulate interpretations, ’thoughts’, meanings, ’feelings’, images, memory, fears, anxieties, actions" – Milton Dawes, The Power of Words, The Dallas-Fort Worth Center for General Semantics © 1999-2003
II. The Causes of Negative and Harmful Speech
A. An Unforgiving Spirit – Ephesians 4:31 – 32 Let all bitterness and all passionate feeling, all anger and loud insulting language, be unknown among you—and also every kind of malice. On the contrary learn to be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you.
• Several years ago after an elderly woman passed away, family members were cleaning out her house when they found a scrapbook filled with obituaries from the local newspaper. Many of the death notices pertained to people she had detested. As bizarre as it may sound, she kept a scrapbook of her dead enemies. This woman had five different clippings of her most despised foe in her morbid memory book. Apparently she had gained some kind of strange satisfaction by thinking they could no longer torment her. Or could they? If we don’t forgive our deceased enemies, they’ll continue to haunt us through our hateful memories of them. (Kent Crockett, I Once Was Blind But Now I Squint, Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2004, 102-103)
B. Jealousy (often due to a poor self image) – Galatians 5:26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
C. Idleness – (Not serving) - 1 Timothy 5:13 And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.
D. Spiritual immaturity – James 3:2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
E. A broken relationship with Christ - 1 Corinthians 3:3... For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?
III. The Response to Negative Speech
A. Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
B. Ephesians 4:31 – 32 Let all bitterness and all passionate feeling, all anger and loud insulting language, be unknown among you—and also every kind of malice. On the contrary learn to be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you.
C. Kindness means to be good, useful and helpful, considerate and gracious in all situations regardless of circumstances. It means caring for the feelings of others.
D. Much of it has to do with attitude. As much as 77 % of the average person’s internal self-talk is negative.
E. Kindness involves having a forgiving attitude.
• “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you.”
• We base our forgiveness on what God has done for us, not on what another person has done to us. (Kent Crockett, The 911 Handbook, Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2003, 43)
F. Kindness involves having a selfless attitude.
• Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.”
• It says “What can I do to help you?”
G. Kindness involves having a serving attitude
• Galatians 5:13 13For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
• Being a servant doesn’t necessarily mean having a lowly position; it means having a lowly heart. A pastor went to a restaurant where the meanest waitress he had ever met was “serving” us. She waited on him with the attitude, “My name is Grumpy, and I will be your waitress today. If you need something, you are just going to have to wait your turn. So don’t push me!” She was in a servant’s position, but she didn’t have a servant’s heart. (Kent Crockett, Making Today Count for Eternity, Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2001, p. 129)
H. Kindness involves having a protective attitude
• 1 Corinthians 12:25 that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another.
• It is God’s plan that members of the spiritual body would demonstrate a mutual concern for the well-being of others so that rivalry will cease and genuine unity would exist.
I. Kindness involves speech that is seasoned with grace.
• Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
• If someone paid you ten cents for every kind word you said about people, and collected five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor? – Henry N. Ferguson
• Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
J. Kindness involves having a spiritual attitude
• 1 Corinthians 3:3... For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?
• Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.
“Spoken words are like seeds sown, the fruit of which we reap sooner or later. Hence it is important that we choose the right word to speak. The will of God is for us to have abundant life, yet many are not having abundant life today because of the words they speak. Through the right use of the tongue, we can command blessings upon our lives, our families and other people. Through the right use of our tongue, we can encourage and build others up. However, when we abuse our tongue, we can rob people the blessings of God. We can discourage others and destroy lives. Through the abuse of the tongue, we can bring curses upon ourselves. Do not allow Satan to use your tongue. Do not let your tongue become a stumbling block to others. Yield your tongue as an instrument of righteousness to God. Let it be a blessing to others. Speak what God’s Word says you are. Begin to sow seeds of righteousness, seeds of love, and seeds of grace. Maintain the law of kindness on your tongue. Speak words of life and live an abundant life.” - copied
Disclaimer: Source material for this sermon has been gleaned from many different sources. I have attempted to acknowledge these sources whenever possible. Please feel free to use this message as God’s Holy Spirit directs your heart.
