DATING AND YOUTHS
Objectives of the message
• Help youths know what dating is,
• Explore the dangers of dating,
• Know how parents can help,
• Resolve to have a purpose before dating.
Introduction:
Dating is fast becoming the fashion of the day for many youths. Yet it remains one of the main causes of Tension between parents and youths. Sometimes its even a problem among youths themselves. Young people are beginning put much time, thought, energy and resource into the dating pressures. They are concerned about who is making it out with whom. Though youth spend much time talking and thinking about dating very few of them are ready or prepared for the tress and choices that dating present. Many youth face intense pressure from others around them to “go out” with someone. Dating can become a badge of acceptance, an evidence of a young persons worth and attractiveness. The concept of Dating is new to our African culture and does not seen to have been the custom of Bible times.
The pressure to Date.
Many youth are under pressure to date, just because must of their friend, are dating and they don’t want to look old fashion.
• Some say dating is a point of the natural development of a person
• If you always turn boys down you will be unpopular and No one will ask you out or marry you.
• Some date just to satisfy their desire for warmth and affection
Decisions to Date.
Most teens who date spend a great deal of time in front of the mirror preparing themselves yet they approach the dating game with little or not thought about the many decisions to be made by them and their parents is dating.
When to start dating.: How old should one be before going out on a date? Most parents think their children should be a certain age before starting to date. While most teens think they were born ready to date. Though age is important, the crucial thing is whether he/she is spiritually are emotionally mature enough to handle the many decisions and dangers of dating- Age of maturity differs. Some of the key indicators of teens readiness for dating are : It is the place of parent to use there indicators to direct their children and other youths.
¨ Is the teen influenced by peer pressure?
¨ Are they attracted to people of their age?
¨ Are they dating for friendship instead of Romance?
¨ Is the teens self-image based on whether or not he/she is dating
¨ Is the teen committed to sexual purity.
¨ Can the teen resist immediate gratification in other areas
Does age make any difference in dating? The years are a time of major physical, emotional and spiritual changes. Some changes may happen so fast that the teen is ill-prepared to handle - Age difference of have are of ok, but one year difference should be avoided.
Interracial dating:
Can I date a girl of a different culture or tribe? While scriptures are clear on this (Gal.3:28, John 4:10, Matt, 15:21-28, Luke 7:1-10, 2 Cor. 6:14). Young people should beware of the possible social implications of an interracial relationships but then should not become a barrier to God-honoring relationship yet one must be careful not to date an unbeliever.
Dangers in Dating.
Young people who are preparing to date must, besides confronting the many decisions to be made in the dating experience, also be aware of dangers involved.
Some of these include:
1. The danger of isolating yourself from your friend, relating with one’s own sex is just as important as relating with the other sea. But in dating there is a high tendency for old friend to abandoned. These are friends you will need in future especially if the date ends. There is the danger of ignoring other important relations like brothers, sisters, and even parents.
2. There is the danger of dating for the wrong reason, for example dating to impress friends, to get back at someone, to cause jealousy. In such cases you are only using your date and you do not care about his purpose.
3. There is the danger of feeling trapped once your start dating a person.
4. There is also the danger of getting hurt or hurting someone else............
5. There is also the danger of mistaking emoterional and physical attraction for real love.
6. There is also danger of letting severe desire get out of control.
Many youth, especially those who begin dating early are woefully unprepared for dangers of dating and as a result expose themselves unnecessarily most dating is far from him because its so full of sensual ploys and sexual gamesmanship
WHAT SHOULD BE THE PURPOSEOF DATING.
Many youth do not give careful thought to their purpose in dating. Responding to the basic attraction of a person of the opposite see is a fundamental reason why you most youth date- Some date as we said early just because of the intense pressure they feel from others. Apart from these influences most youth, do not formulate or evaluate their purpose in dating.
• One purpose in dating is socialization - that is having fun with other people. Getting to know them, enjoying other people’s company, learning how to share common interest and developing conversational and relationship skill. Dating is a means of learning more about oneself and a way to become skilled at sensing the needs and feelings of another person and how to turn that insight into responsive action.
• Another purpose of dating is mate selection. Often the person you marry will be someone you have dated. This will progress from casual dates to friendship dates to steady dating to engagement and marriage. Dating serves to cultivate and sharpen one’s tastes and improve the ability to recognize the character and personality that best matches with one’s own.
A clear understanding of one purpose is dating is very important. Sexual exploitation or exploration and experimentation are unhealthy reasons for dating.
Set Standards: Before you begin a date your maturity to date will be determined by what standard or boundaries you have established for the dating experience. It would be good if such standards are discussed with your date before hand. Here are some question youth worker, parent and caring adults should youths answers:.
Should I confine my dating activity to double dates?
What kind of activities will I avoid or refuse?
What form of touching and interaction are acceptable?
Should I frequent only public place?
If these questions are answered before, temptation comes it will serve a lot of headache and misunderstanding. Dating standard should draw a line between the following.
- Necking
- Petting
- Heavy setting.
Make sure you don’t go beyond necking - no matter how strong, emotionally physically and spiritually you maybe once you go beyond necking you are asking for trouble.
Plans: - The last thing in a sound, helpful design for Christian dating is planning. An attractive option is group dating.
Group dating has been our option on a youth department - here we give boys and girls an opportunity to get together to do different activities without pairing up. The group decides where to go and what to do and everyone goes along. Group dating removes the sexual pressure of dating just one person.
When you plan a date consider things that will enable you talk and relate to each other. It will be good for your parent to know who you are going out with ( you date), where you are going, what you are going to do.
Conclusion: As Christian youth we need to resolve that the attitudes of other will not influence as to date or in our dating. Resolve to want until you are matured enough to handle dating. Know that you parents can help you and remember that dating can put you under pressure to grant unwanted display of affection yet you can enjoy the company of the opposite sex in circumstances free of the pressures of dating. Group dating would be good.
When parents say no to a marriage Relationship, should the youth or Children proceed? (why say no in the first place).”
