Games People Play: “Sorry!”
Matthew 6:9-15
INTRODUCTION: "Sorry!" is a board game based on the ancient Indian game Pachisi. Players try to travel around the board with their pieces faster than any other player. The game title comes from the many ways in which a player can negate the progress of another, while issuing an apologetic "Sorry!" I used to cheat at this game with my sons when they were little, but not in my favor! I would cheat to help them do better, because it really is so hard to say “I’m sorry.” The game should be named “Sorry, but …” since the sorrow is minimized by the subsequent action. “Sorry, but I’m just doing what the card says.” (Oh yeah? Well, if you were REALLY sorry, you wouldn’t send my piece back to start!) But we hear that a lot in real life:
• "We're going in a different direction ... Sorry."
• “We’re letting you go … Sorry.”
• “I’m leaving you … Sorry.”
The implicit message is “I feel kinda bad, but really I’m justified.” And that can be true sometimes. But we get into trouble when we try to play the “Sorry, but ...” card with God. What we really mean is, “Sorry, God, but really I’m justified.”
• “I’m sorry, but the snake told me it was okay to eat that.”
• “I’m sorry, but the woman you made gave me some to eat.”
• “I’m sorry, but he was such a jerk that he deserved what I said to him.”
• “I’m sorry, but my spouse isn’t meeting my needs.”
Real sorrow, though, isn’t followed by the word “but.” It’s “I’m sorry—I’m so so sorry.” Have you ever found yourself saying that? Feeling that? What do we do when we’re truly, genuinely, desperately sorry? Sorry before God? Sorry before someone else? Sorry when it’s not a game? What do we do with that? [READ Matthew 6:9-15]
I. FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT
A. “Forgive us our debts” renders the Greek literally. Luke 11:4, however, refers to “sins,” as do vv. 14-15. Spiritual debts to God are first of all in view. Sin incurs a debt that must be discharged.
B. If you forgive someone a debt they owe you, you’ve given them a gift.
1. If someone owes you $50, and you forgive that debt, then you’ve given them a $50 gift.
2. If you owe someone $1000, and they forgive that debt, they’ve given you a $1000 gift.
3. If you owe someone your life, and they forgive that debt …
II. FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT GOD OFFERS TO US
A. Sin is likened to a debt because it deserves to be punished. But when God forgives sin, He remits the penalty and drops the charge against us.
B. [Illustration] I once got an “A” on an average paper in seminary. When the professor gave me the A, did I go back to him and say, "You ought to reread that paper. I really wasn’t that good." No! I accepted the A. Why? Because the one in authority had given me that A. It’s the same way with Jesus Christ. If I tell you you’re forgiven, that plus $3 will get you a latte. But, if Jesus tells you, “you’re forgiven,” then you’re forgiven. He’s the king at the right hand of the Father; his enemies are his footstool.
C. Forgiveness is as indispensable to the life and health of the soul as food is for the body.
1. Cartoon pictures a psychologist listening to a patient: “Mr. Figby, I think I can explain your feelings of guilt. You’re guilty!”
2. [Application] Let’s stop playing the “Sorry, but” card with God. Let’s stop trying to justify ourselves, and instead ask for His forgiveness.
>>And then, let’s do that for each other as well.
III. FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT GOD EXPECTS US TO GIVE TO OTHERS
A. Vv. 14-15 certainly does not mean that our forgiveness of others earns us the right to be forgiven. It is rather that God forgives only the penitent and that one of the chief evidences of true penitence is a forgiving spirit.
1. How could it be otherwise? If I have an unforgiving spirit, it bears witness to the fact that I have never repented.
2. Augustine labeled this request for forgiveness as “the terrible petition” because if we harbor an unforgiving spirit while we pray to be forgiven in the same way we forgive others, we are actually asking God not to forgive us!
3. The fact that the plea to avoid temptation is placed between the petition concerning forgiveness and its further elaboration could suggest that the temptation primarily in view is the temptation to be bitter, the temptation to maintain a veneer of true spirituality even while one’s secret attitudes are bursting with the corruption of grapes gone sour.
B. [Illustration] A teacher once told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to school. They were instructed to call to mind every person they had a grudge against. For every person they refused to forgive, they chose a potato, wrote on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. They were told to carry this bag with them everywhere, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, on their lap when riding, next to their desk during classes. Some bags became quite heavy. Lugging this around, paying attention to it all the time, and remembering not to leave it in embarrassing places was a hassle.
Over time the potatoes became moldy, smelly, and began to sprout "eyes."
Often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, but it clearly is a gift to ourselves.
C. [Illustration] June 11, 1963: Tuscaloosa, Alabama, The University of Alabama campus. Vivian Malone, a young black woman, enrolled as a student at the university, but not without opposition. Federal troops were there to ensure her entrance into the school, but her way was blocked by Governor George Wallace. Holding out for racism and segregation, the governor failed in his attempt. Vivian became the first African-American student ever to graduate from the University of Alabama.
Now Vivian wasn't the only African-American that day seeking to enroll at the university. James Hood was at her side, but he was scared and needed encouragement. Vivian helped him along and slipped him a simple little note, a prayer: "Whatever may be our adversary this day, our Father, help us to face it with courage, for it can be conquered when thou art with us. In faith we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen."
Governor Wallace regretted his actions of June 11, and years later was taken in his wheelchair into the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, and there asked the black congregants to forgive him for his hard-heartedness. The governor also regretted how he treated Vivian that day and sought out her forgiveness. He wanted to make amends before he died, and he wanted to meet her. Vivian did meet him and told him that she had already forgiven him years earlier. Interviewed in 2003, she was asked about this encounter:
"You said you'd forgiven him many years earlier?" "Oh yes," replied Vivian.
"And why did you do that?"
Her reply: "This may sound weird. I'm a Christian, and I grew up in the church. And I was taught that—just as I was taught that no other person was better than I—that we were all equal in the eyes of God. I was also taught that you forgive people, no matter what. And that was why I had to do it. I didn't feel as if I had a choice."
D. [Application] Let me explain what forgiveness is NOT:
1. Forgiving is not reconciling with the person who offended you.
a. Reconciliation is a higher bar that requires desire & effort by two people to restore their relationship.
b. Forgiveness though can be done by one person.
2. Forgiving is not forgetting. Some offense leave scars that never disappear or fully leave our minds.
3. Forgiving does not mean that you are healed from the offense.
4. Forgiving doesn’t mean believing the offender was right.
a. And it doesn’t mean you were in the wrong
b. Forgiveness is most important when truly wronged
5. Forgiving doesn’t mean you now trust the offender.
a. People who harm or offend may do so repeatedly, and your forgiveness may not change them.
b. In some cases you may need to stay away from the offender.
6. Forgiving does not mean talking with the offender to say “I forgive you.” The offender may not feel the need to be forgiven and may even hurl more offenses at you if you imply they did something wrong or hurtful.
7. Forgiving doesn’t mean you understand what happened.
a. And it doesn’t mean that you see the good in what happened, or how God was using it for a larger purpose.
b. More often than not God doesn’t let us peek behind the curtain to see what He’s up to. That’s why we need to trust Him in faith.
>> So what IS forgiveness, then?
E. Forgiveness is letting go, releasing the offender of their debt, giving up your right to strike back.
1. It is choosing to stop obsessing on a source of pain in your life.
2. It is choosing to stop replaying the tape over & over again in your head, and how justice was not done.
3. Choosing to forgive is choosing to trust that God is good, even when you don’t understand what He is doing.
IV. [BIG IDEA] GIVE THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS
A. [Application] Who needs your forgiveness today? Think of a name.
1. Although forgiveness can lead to good things, the choice to forgive is still a hard one. It often means letting go of deep pain and your attempts to make sense of it or make it right. We often need help:
2. The most important helper is the Holy Spirit.
a. You can ask God’s Spirit to help you forgive, to change your heart and help you let go and move on.
b. “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” We might pray: “Help me forgive as you have forgiven me.”
B. We are never more aware of God’s grace than when we admit our sin and cry out for forgiveness. We are never more like God than when, for Christ’s sake, we extend forgiveness fully and freely to those who have sinned against us. GIVE THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS.
CONCLUSION (BI) GIVE THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS
A true Christ follower is a sign of contradiction--a living symbol of the Cross. He or she is a person who believes the unbelievable, bears the unbearable, forgives the unforgivable, loves the unlovable, is perfectly happy not to be perfect, is willing to give up his or her will, becomes weak to be strong ... and finds love by giving it away. GIVE GOD'S GIFT OF FORGIVENESS.
