When Life Gets Rough
Loss
And then there was the very sad story coming out of West Virginia this week. At first, it seemed to indicate that the 12 trapped miners were alive. But then, three hours later, hopes were dashed when all but one of the trapped miners were found dead.
TALLMANSVILLE, W. Va. (AP) — With their escape routes blocked by heavy smoke, most of the 13 miners caught in an explosion did what they were trained to do: They retreated deeper into the mine and hung a curtain-like barrier to keep out toxic gases while they waited for rescuers to find them, officials said Wednesday. All but one were found dead more than a day and half after the blast. The miners’ families learned of the 12 deaths during a torturous night in which they were mistakenly told at first that 12 of the men were alive. It took three hours before the families were told the truth, and their joy turned instantly to fury, with one man lunging at coal company officials.
At the end of the hour-long service, Marsh and the other mourners raised their candles above their heads and shouted three times in unison, "Praise the Lord!"
Jim Bennett. Donald Marsh never understood how his half-brother, Jim Bennett, could stand to make a living underground. "He wouldn’t quit," Marsh said of Bennett, 61, of Philippi. "Hell, he loves the mines." Bennett, a coal miner for several decades, also was a religious man, relatives said. "Everyday he would come home and pray for who was going in (the mines)," said his son-in-law Daniel Merideth. Bennett didn’t talk about work much but had planned to retire this year. "Right now he is probably in there witnessing to people," Merideth said earlier. "He would be organizing and praying."
‘Tell all I’ll see them on the other side," family members say one scrawled note, found with the body of 51-year-old mine foreman Martin Toler Jr, read. "It wasn’t bad. I just went to sleep. I love you Jr."
The Bible deals with the loss of life in many passages. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. David grieved over the death of Saul and Jonathan, his son Absolom, his baby. David also penned the words of the 23rd Psalm. “Though I walk though the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou are with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
I Kidnaping of Wives and Children 1 Samuel 30
1 Three days later, when David and his men arrived home at their town of Ziklag, they found that the Amalekites had made a raid into the Negev and had burned Ziklag to the ground. 2 They had carried off the women and children and everyone else but without killing anyone. 3 When David and his men saw the ruins and realized what had happened to their families, 4 they wept until they could weep no more. 5 David’s two wives, Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel, were among those captured. 6 David was now in serious trouble because his men were very bitter about losing their wives and children, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the LORD his God.
7 Then he said to Abiathar the priest, "Bring me the ephod!" So Abiathar brought it. 8 Then David asked the LORD, "Should I chase them? Will I catch them?"And the LORD told him, "Yes, go after them. You will surely recover everything that was taken from you.”
A. A Shared Grief
B. Grief without God
-blames others
-strikes out at those nearest
-has no where to find help
C. Grief With God - v6
Missionary Sufferings
In 1858 Scottish missionary John G. Paton and his wife sailed for the New Hebrides (now called Vanuatu) Three months after arriving on the island of Tanna, his wife died. One week later his infant son also died.
Paton was plunged into sorrow. Feeling terribly alone, and surrounded by savage people who showed him no sympathy, he wrote, “Let those who have ever passed through any similar darkness as of midnight feel for me. As for all other, it would be more than vain to try to paint my sorrows.…But for Jesus, and [His} fellowship, I [would] have gone mad and died.”
Our Daily Bread, August 6, 1992
II Loss of Best Friend & Enemy 2 Samuel 1
2 On the third day after David’s return, a man arrived from the Israelite battlefront. He had torn his clothes and put dirt on his head to show that he was in mourning. He fell to the ground before David in deep respect. 3 "Where have you come from?" David asked."I escaped from the Israelite camp," the man replied. 4 "What happened?" David demanded. "Tell me how the battle went."The man replied, "Our entire army fled. Many men are dead and wounded on the battlefield, and Saul and his son Jonathan have been killed."
11 David and his men tore their clothes in sorrow when they heard the news. 12 They mourned and wept and fasted all day for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the LORD’s army and the nation of Israel, because so many had died that day.
A. Did not hide Grief v11
B. Wrote Song for Funeral
17 Then David composed a funeral song for Saul and Jonathan. 18 Later he commanded that it be taught to all the people of Judah. It is known as the Song of the Bow, and it is recorded in The Book of Jashar. 19 Your pride and joy, O Israel, lies dead on the hills! How the mighty heroes have fallen! 20 Don’t announce the news in Gath, or the Philistines will rejoice. Don’t proclaim it in the streets of Ashkelon, or the pagans will laugh in triumph. 21 O mountains of Gilboa, let there be no dew or rain upon you or your slopes. For there the shield of the mighty was defiled; the shield of Saul will no longer be anointed with oil. 22 Both Saul and Jonathan killed their strongest foes; they did not return from battle empty-handed. 23 How beloved and gracious were Saul and Jonathan! They were together in life and in death. They were swifter than eagles; they were stronger than lions. 24 O women of Israel, weep for Saul, for he dressed you in fine clothing and gold ornaments. 25 How the mighty heroes have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies dead upon the hills. 26 How I weep for you, my brother Jonathan! Oh, how much I loved you! And your love for me was deep, deeper than the love of women! 27 How the mighty heroes have fallen! Stripped of their weapons, they lie dead.
C. Remembered only the good of his enemy
III Loss of Baby 2 Samuel 12:13-24
13 Then David confessed to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD."Nathan replied, "Yes, but the LORD has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin. 14 But you have given the enemies of the LORD great opportunity to despise and blaspheme him, so your child will die."
1. 15 After Nathan returned to his home, the LORD made Bathsheba’s baby deathly ill. 16 David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. 17 The leaders of the nation pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused. 18 Then on the seventh day the baby died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. "He was so broken up about the baby being sick," they said. "What will he do to himself when we tell him the child is dead?" 19 But when David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. "Is the baby dead?" he asked."Yes," they replied. 20 Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. Then he went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the LORD. After that, he returned to the palace and ate. 21 His advisers were amazed. "We don’t understand you," they told him. "While the baby was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the baby is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again." 22 David replied, "I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ’Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me." 24 Then David comforted Bathsheba,
a. The Hope of Heaven
b. The Need of Others to Help with the Grief Process v24
Pro football’s Trent Dilfer turns to God to deal with loss
April 29, 2003
Because Trent Dilfer is a public figure, the death Sunday of his 5-year-old son Trevin is news.
It’s sad news.
Even those critical of Dilfer the football player surely feel for Dilfer the man and his family. Five-year-olds aren’t supposed to die, they’re supposed to go to kindergarten.
About a month ago, when Trevin Dilfer’s heart illness became public, I contacted the Dilfer family and was politely told the family wishes to be left alone.
Both the Seattle Times and Post-Intelligencer ran short stories Monday, both with the family’s statement: "We are deeply grateful for the prayers and kindness of so many relatives, friends and strangers over the past five weeks. We will always cherish the heroic efforts of the doctors and nurses at Children’s Hospital-Central California and Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital. Trevin was a very brave young boy and we are comforted in knowing that as a child of God, he has returned to his maker. We grieve, but not as those without hope. In this time of sorrow we are thankful for the sensitivity displayed in respecting our privacy."
Dilfer had been through some tough times before but nothing like this. In college, he drank every day until becoming a Christian during his sophomore year.
In Tampa, Fla., he was booed relentlessly by Buccaneers fans and was released by the team in 1999, two years after making the Pro Bowl. In Baltimore, he was dumped by the Ravens just after winning the Super Bowl.
And in Seattle, he ruptured his Achilles tendon after finally winning the starting job with the Seahawks. Each time, his faith — and his football — kept him from crumbling. But this was different. This time, God was asking him to let go of Trevin.In March 2003, the family went to Disneyland. On the second day of the trip, Trevin felt feverish and wasn’t himself. A doctor diagnosed him with asthma and bronchitis.
The day after the family arrived back home, Trevin was listless and couldn’t speak, so Dilfer’s wife took Trevin to the emergency room.
Doctors thought Trevin might have hepatitis and sent him to a nearby children’s hospital. But his heart failed twice during the trip. Doctors sat the Dilfers down and said: “He’s not going to make it, for some reason his heart won’t respond. We’re pumping it manually. We have no idea what’s going on.”
Dilfer fell to his knees and sobbed.
Doctors stabilized Trevin and moved him to the hospital at California’s Stanford University.
By the next day, friends, family and teammates flew in. They were known as Camp Trev, and from the time Trevin arrived, he had as many as 40 visitors a day.
One day, Dilfer put his finger in Trevin’s hand and started talking. A tear slipped out of Trevin’s eye, and he squeezed his dad’s finger. It was the happiest moment of Dilfer’s life.
Doctors told the Dilfers a rare virus had attacked Trevin’s heart and he needed a transplant, so he was placed on the waiting list for a heart. But it was a race against time. Each day brought an increased risk of a bacterial infection. If Trevin developed such an infection, then he’d have to be removed from the waiting list.
The next 25 days were excruciating. Often Dilfer would go to the rooftop garden and pray. Once he went to the chapel and broke down. “God, take my life, just spare my son,” Dilfer pleaded.
Dilfer and his wife attended Easter services April 20, 2003, marking the first time in almost 40 days that they both were away from Trevin. But when they returned, Dilfer knew something was wrong.
The next morning, the Dilfers got the bad news — Trevin most likely had a systemic infection.
All this time, they had trusted that the Lord would save Trevin. But that night, Dilfer had a revelation — God would save Trevin by taking him home.
Six days later, the couple prayed and decided to take Trevin off life support. They were told the machine could only keep him alive two more weeks and he’d be in pain. Doctors and pastors assured them it was the loving and merciful thing to do.
Three days later, April 30, the Dilfers held a Celebration of Trevin’s Life at Peoples Church in Fresno, Calif.
Dilfer didn’t intend to speak, but he felt moved to do so. He picked up Trevin’s blue blanket, the one he had in the hospital. Then he looked up at the huge picture of Trevin on the projection screen, cried and said, “He was my best friend.”
The Dilfers set up TD4HIM, a foundation to raise money for youth sports programs, church ministries and other things they knew Trevin loved. They kept Trevin’s bedroom intact to keep him with them in spirit. They surrounded themselves with family and friends and sought counseling. Still the grief was suffocating.
When it came time for Seahawks camp the summer of 2003, Dilfer somehow made it to camp. It was a tough season.
The next season, 2004, Dilfer started two games as a relief quarterback and Seattle won them both. He realized that more than ever he needed to be on the field. But he knew he’d have to leave the Seahawks to be a starter again.
Dilfer was ready for a new challenge, another step in the healing process. What’s more, his family was emotionally up for such a big move. He asked the Seahawks to trade him and soon received a call from Browns General Manager Phil Savage. Dilfer called it a miracle.
He was back in the game as a starter, and now Sundays are more special than ever. They’re a chance to show off for Trevin, his best friend and No. 1 fan. (RNS)
IV Loss of Son killed by his other Son 2 Samuel 13
28 Absalom told his men, "Wait until Amnon gets drunk; then at my signal, kill him! Don’t be afraid. I’m the one who has given the command. Take courage and do it!" 29 So at Absalom’s signal they murdered Amnon.
37 And David mourned many days for his son Amnon. Absalom fled to his grandfather, Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. 38 He stayed there in Geshur for three years. 39 And David, now reconciled to Amnon’s death, longed to be reunited with his son Absalom
A. Ammon raped his half sister Tamar
B. David didn’t punish as he should have (two years passed)
C. Absalom avenged Tamar by killing Ammon 28-29
D. David mourned many days (3years) v37
E. David forgave Absalom and longed to see him. 39
IV Loss of Grown Son (Complicated Grief) 2 Samuel 18 -19
18:32 "What about young Absalom?" the king demanded. "Is he all right?"And the Cushite replied, "May all of your enemies, both now and in the future, be as that young man is!" 33 The king was overcome with emotion. He went up to his room over the gateway and burst into tears. And as he went, he cried, "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I could have died instead of you! O Absalom, my son, my son."
A. Led a revolt against his father (Handsome 14:25)
B. Agreed to have him killed 17:1-4
C. David gave orders not to kill Absalom 18:5
D. His Hair was caught in a tree and he dangled 18:9-10
E. Joab killed him when the servant wouldn’t. 18:14
F. David was overcome with emotion at the news 18:33 -19:1-4
Why was he so upset?
1. He was partly responsible for his death. The prophet had told him his sons would rebel. Guilt
2. He was angry at Joab and officers for killing Absalom against his wishes.
3. David truely loved his son even though Absalom did nothing to deserve it.
4. His son’s spiritual loss.
5. He had to go praise the men who fought for him against his son.
Tony Dungy-coach of Indianapolis Colts
On the death of his son by apparent Suicide
"We loved our son very much," Dungy told reporters after the funeral. "He loved us and we miss him terribly. We also understand that we have some tremendous promises from God and God promises to be with us. He’s with us in the great times. He’s with us in the tough times.
"Our family will stand strong. The strength that we have in the Lord will allow us to get through this, just as we get through times of victory.
"Our grief is great, but from our family we just say thank you to everyone. We appreciate everybody that’s touched his life, everybody that’s been a part of him growing up.
"James was a good young man with a compassionate heart. We were glad to have him for 18 years. We are also glad that he accepted Christ as his savior, so that God has him now for the rest of eternity. Thank you."
Conclusion:
Crippled Daughter
A miserable looking woman recognized F. B. Meyer on the train and ventured to share her burden with him. For years she had cared for a crippled daughter who brought great joy to her life. She made tea for her each morning, then left for work, knowing that in the evening the daughter would be there when she arrived home. But the daughter had died, and the grieving mother was alone and miserable. Home was not “home” anymore.
Meyer gave her wise counsel. “When you get home and put the key in the door,” he said, “say aloud, ‘Jesus, I know You are here!’ and be ready to greet Him directly when you open the door. And as you light the fire tell Him what has happened during the day; if anybody has been kind, tell Him; if anybody has been unkind, tell Him, just as you would have told your daughter. At night stretch out your hand in the darkness and say, ‘Jesus, I know You are here!’”
Some months later, Meyer was back in that neighborhood and met the woman again, but he did not recognize her. Her face radiated joy instead of announcing misery. “I did as you told me,” she said, “and it has made all the difference in my life, and now I feel I know Him.”
The Wycliffe Handbook of Preaching & Preachers, W. Wiersbe, p. 194
Going Blind
1. William Sangster visited a young girl in the hospital who was going blind. “God is going to take my sight away,” she told the pastor.
After a long pause, Sangster said, “Don’t let Him, Jessie. Give it to Him. Try to pray this prayer: ‘Father, if for any reason I must lose my sight, help me to give it to you.’”
When Jessie returned to church she had a guide dog with her. The dog used to sleep during the first 20 minutes of the sermon and then wake up and howl. When it saw that its howling did not silence the preacher, it went back to sleep!
Wycliffe Handbook of Preaching & Preachers, W. Wiersbe, p. 215
Four Resolutions
1. When William Sangster was told he was dying of progressive muscular atrophy, he made four resolutions and faithfully kept them:
1. I will never complain
2. I will keep the home bright
3. I will count my blessings
4. I will try to turn it to gain
Wycliffe Handbook of Preaching & Preachers, W. Wiersbe, p. 215
